A Job
I work designing guns
Never out of a job
Quite creative work
Firing pins to mags
Via handles and barrels
Art via a lathe
My mind and hands
Always at work
Like the hitmen

Fried Turtles
The little dog chews on the blue wire
His sharp teeth need blunting
So he picked this bomb wire to gnaw
He likes biting and such like
One of his main interests
His master’s fingers and boots
Car tires on parked cars
And his Holy toys
The gold cross from the church
That’s totally ******
Just like the blue wire he has
Look it’s now severed
And the bomb will explode
Killing ten million Chinese
Flattening central Shanghai
Good job the dog and wire
Are ten miles away
He’ll still get a tan
And ten million turtles
Will be totally ******* fried
It was a Taiwanese bomb…

over 18 adult content

Things That Wake Me Up
I sleep in my bed and get woken up by different things
But not all at once they get me one at a time
There’s the earthquake shaking the bed side to side
The need to take a **** when all I want is sleep
Bowel movements rumble griping me to get up
Time to go to work to do my slave job
A big ******* my urge to **** **** **** her now!
Rise and shine Nick it’s time to hike the hill
Smell of lovely bacon cooking ruins my sleep
No sleep as all keeps me awake so I find her
Zombies breaking down my door rouse me
Aliens abducting me thru the roof ***** me
All this and more wakes me up now now now
All I want is to get some ****** sleep!
You’ll sleep when you’re dead lad…

over 18 adult ****** content

Admitted?
There they go again at it like there’s no tomorrow
Maybe they know something we don’t
Listen to her shriek and scream while they ****
And I hear their bed collapse as he jumps from the wardrobe

The crack of a bullwhip is there connecting to naked flesh
I pity but envy what they’re doing pleasure with pain
They’re both sharing a journey together while I’m alone
I want to join them before the world ends
All they can say is No right?

Maybe I’ll be admitted and feel their whip
And get to *** inside his mistress
It’s better than watching old TV reruns
I’ll put on my t shirt and shorts then call round

I feel desire and list my **** is hard as I hear
His mistress devilishly shout and scream
I want some of that fun right now
I knock on their door and wait…

The Big Boss
My manager is a locust brain
He doesn’t know what he’s doing

My manager is a locust brain
The job is kaos when he’s in charge here

My manager is a locust brain
Production takes a dip under him

My manager is a locust brain
He got the job by kissing arses

My manager is a locust brain
The supervisor is much more skilled

My manager is a locust brain
I ignore him due to his utter ineptitude

My manager is a locust brain
Even the toilet cleaner hates him!

My manager is a locust brain
Because he can’t read or write

My manager is a locust brain
Due to his lack of experience and *****

My manager is a locust brain
Simply because he’s my manager

My manager is a locust brain
And we’re gonna set him on fire!

My manager is a locust brain
Is my manager no longer cos he’s dead!

Different Days
A day like no other for several reasons
I found out my wife is a man with a hidden *****

A day like no other for several reasons
For somebody stole the engine from my car

A day like no other for several reasons
Due to me falling into the river and drowning

A day like no other for several reasons
As my credit card was cloned three times

A day like no other for several reasons
I’m a day older and a day stupider by design

A day like no other for several reasons
My neighbour’s dog bit off my right ear

A day like no other for several reasons
I went hiking but got lost and never came back

A day like no other for several reasons
I resigned from my job and went to the rival

A day like no other for several reasons
As this is a different day than yesterday

Curry Crisps
In 1981 and 82 at Littlemoor School I was in Junior 4
With the rest of the little wankers who were my classmates
I used to buy curry flavoured crisps for 10p at break time
I got them every day and even now miss them  
They were the best crisps I ever tasted so yummy!
In a curry coloured packet oh what’s to come!
They were the highlight of my time in that school
Where I went from the bottom of the class to the top
England defeated Argentina in the Falkland’s War
I destroyed a school bully in the bogs by hammer punches
We called our teacher Miss Oliver Sergeant ****
The thing I remember most is curry flavoured crisps
I wish I could go back and get ten boxes of curry crisps!