All things to all men.
Take me to two thousand words.
And send me in orbit so fast.
Tannhauser Gate bound.
Blade Runner esque times ahead.
Paradise on fire.

There is both fear and defiance in this horse's eye, but why?

The horse was NOT scared
I’m a war horse and nobody messes me with me
Not even aliens who think they’re big and hard!
Or so the horse defiantly thought
Well he also thought he was a horse but but but…

The horse was actually a spaceship!
Low and behold in all his glory
A real spaceship that was in space
To venture between the stars
And he was horse shaped.

But was made of aerospace grade materials
That was mined from distant asteroids
And built into a starship in a factory
That orbited Neptune for ease of use
For cosmic exploration and so more.

The horse shaped space vessel was big
Many miles high and across and heavy
Like the heaviest metal played by Compressorhead
Or mined from the most lucrative asteroid
Powered by fusion drive and ion engines.

Armed with triple laser cannon arrays
For defence against meteors and alien craft
Like now that were ready for war!
Zap! Zap! Zap! went the lasers guns.
Boom boom boom went the alien craft.

And Yahoo! whinnied the horse craft
As he became master of the galaxy
And unleashed war of the worlds
Thus dooming the entire universe
To violence and darkness if aliens won.

But a million horse shaped spaceships
Were being built in deep space
Up-gunned with undreamt of weapons
And uprated engines and other toys
Thus guaranteeing galactic horse victory.

There was no need for a human crew
Machines and robots took over
Ensuring a flawless capacity for success
As a hundred thousand ships sped off
To impose equine discipline in space.

3rd Poem
This is for you
Dear human being
Cos we don't like
One another not one bit
Read and enjoy
You forgetful cad.

Soldier Boys 1
I went out to Manny to meet a black gal but she never showed. Go to the pub and get ******, I’m good at it! Then back to town my crap Oldham to another pub to have ale and curry. What’s this? Eight lads surround me at the bar get ready! But no fight, fun!

They try to wind me up do I like men? Yea I like you I tell the big one, all muscle.

I show my WOW tat on my **** and what fun! Party time, we drink as one and I have the big lad’s wine down half a bottle in one, then more beer. And I know I’m right, they’re army lads, how do I know? I just do lol.


In the Abbey its mad, big lad spies an old hippy with a recorder.
He borrows it and up big lad’s **** it goes, I almost cried with laughter!
We gave it all waggling devil fingers and partied on.

The army lads left and I set off home but I stopped and went to their pub the Hathershaw, we drank till late.
I had eight brothers that night.

I hope they’re all ok when they get called up to go to Afghan next year.
Two of their mates are already gone.
I’m just a writer I say.

Pleasurable
We ask to speak to you
But you're not there
Instead your delightful lady friend is
She sounds oh so **** nice
She says you're both friends
Do you do more than friends do?
Or do you live in regret?
Always wanting to friction her
Just like I want to do?

ADULT/FUNNY THEME BE WARNED

Oh My Back!
My next door neighbour told me a funny story the other day
It’s about Phyllis who lives down the road
She was out with her fancy piece called Tommy getting laid
Having a bonk in his car down a country lane
She was there with her legs open not thinking of her husband
Going at like a prize stallion chasing a filly winning his race
Then Tommy cried out in pain and started crying
Phyllis thought he was joking about
‘Oh **** it! My back has gone Phyllis! Call the Fire Brigade!’
‘You gotta be joking Kev. But hey! I love a man in uniform.’
Kev managed to reach his hands free kit and call 999
Within five minutes the fire engine arrived
Four beefy firemen in uniform assessed the situation
Hiding their smirks they planned what to do
One fireman got the Jaws of Life from the fire engine
It took several minutes to cut the roof off Kev’s Jaguar
His expensive cool motor was now a convertible!
Then over the next hour they slowly lifted Kev upwards
And placed him in a rigid stretcher to minimise further injury
An ambulance arrived and Kev was taken to hospital
Phyllis got busy mucking and bucking each of the firemen
In Kev’s convertible Jag which was now a grinding parlour...

We Will Meet Again (for Berlin, East and West)
They loved each other very much.
That was evident when they were parted.
Tears of grief when they were forced apart.
An act of devastation never to be forgotten.
Made by ungodly people with the power of God.
Those in charge didn't see the young couple.
Didn't witness their tears, hear their shouts.
Felt no emotion when they issued the order.
To build a wall to cut a city in half.
Separating families and loved ones.
A nation and city torn in two.
People trying to flee as the last brick was placed.
Escaping any way they could.
Risking their lives to dream a future.
Braving razor wire, guards with dogs and the guns.
Being mercilessly gunned down when seen.
And still they fled their prison city and country.
Doing anything to get across The Wall.
Hoping for a better future in The West.
Not being split in two like the couple.
She in The East, he in The West.
Prisoners of The Cold War for simply being German.
Caught in a game of nuclear chess.
Superpower madness where hope and love disintegrate.
Decades of mistrust and hate poisoning our world.
A generation with paranoid peace.
Trustful tyranny illuminating the way.
For decades some held onto their dream.
Then one cold Berlin day it happened.
The Wall fell down and hope blossomed.
Some couples were finally together.
Middle aged, no longer teenagers.
Hard and bitter, not joyous and free.
But together at last after so many years.
Reunited city and nation.
A world no longer severed in two.
Tears dry and history remembers.
Stories are told proving love will endure.