Shall I close my eyes tonight
The flowers enter mourning
I dreamt of tears flying from birds
And goats fleeing the pen

As I close my eyes tonight
I seek out the nightmares
Fright does not blind the eyes of forbidden anguish

As I close my eyes tonight i
Am you
And you are infinite in the reflection of every pond ocean lake mirror
For as my eyes close the reality is found
And the sun steps out from behind the cloud

And what do I do when my father is suicidal
My mother having back surgery, secretly hating the way her life turned out
My brother at college and asking for my advice about his gf cheating on him that he was about to get an apartment with
A biological dad that won't leave me alone but I can't get over the mistakes he has made over and over
Brothers hours away that I love and never see
A little sister in a place similar to where I use to be
But oh so different
A little sister who has an older one to come to and ask why do I feel this way?
A sister who now has someone to know that I ******* CARE ABOUT YOU to know that SHE IS NOT ALONE and a little sister who had a big sister to take her blades away to hold her when she cries to tell her to start a journal write every little thing in it and one thing you love about yourself or one thing you will do in the future
A little sister who I gave hope to
A little sister that I see much of myself in but in so many different ways
A little sister that I would never allow to feel the rejection from her parents
A little sister who came to me and told me she wants to **** people
She fantasized about it and she doesn't know what's wrong
And a little sister who cuts herself
But one that I would no longer let that happen to
A little sister that has broken me down and made me cry for hours
A little sister that has filled my youth with jealousy and a little sister that is as spiteful as my mother
But a little sister that I would protect no matter how many times she ruined me.

15 April 2014*

Sometimes, I want to push you
To the edge, past your breakin' point
See what happens afterwards
How can you handle yourself?
Put you in a lot of stress
Strain your spirit
Consume your love
No matter what’s
Little left inside

I’m raw 'n' ruthless—
I’m gonna burn you down
‘til all your ashes flitter up
And settle on a damp
Ground, to kiss my feet
And cleanse my soul.
I have wronged you,
I can never be forgiven.
I have broken a promise,
But it’s not made to be—
It was already broken,
Long b’fore t’was made.

I can love you better,
Than I will ever be—
But my mistakes already
Caught fire, spreadin’
Like wildfire, unstoppable.
Destroyin’ everythin’
That’s comin’ its way
Slowly, your water
Is softly killin’ me
Yet I don’t care at all
I’m dying, losin’ my fire
You’re tryin’ to save me
But you can’t—
B’cause I am fire
And you are water
We can love each other,
But we can never be together.

You know the drill,
When you hear that sound.
You have to do what’s right
Or I will lose you and
Everythin’ that we can ever be.
I cannot live on ashes of regret,
This love I can never forget.
Keep the red button of my shirt,
The sign of my undyin’ love.
So when the time comes,
That you have to choose
Between me and them—
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine
Just hold me in your arms
And push the fire alarm

You raise me from the dead
you ask me why I felt the need to go?
a life so young, a girl so unknown
hid away from the world
until my final breath, took me to
my resting place.

A New Moon hangs low in the sky
reflecting your silhouette in marble stone
as you dig through the night,
whistling your tune
unearthing souls
too fragile for this world

Song birds signal the break of dawn
tides are high, crashing to the shore
another morning whispers your prayers
you hear my ghost
you know I'm near
you ask of me to show myself
you long to see my face

As I appear,
once frozen glaciers melt
down your cheeks
like streams on a mountain

Your eyes are cleansed
loss & solitude evaporate
& you find me
back in your Universe.

© Sia Jane

I watch her move
like smoke
dancing off a
torrid ember.
The earth weeps
knowing that there
will never be anything
quite as beautiful as her,
and it weeps
at the fact that her last moments
are filled with panic and fright.
she cuts through her nefarious foe
like the ocean spray
that slices its way through
crag rock to dampen a once dry space.
She falls to darkness,
with the searing pain of a slicing blade,
but she will not cry, beg nor
give in.
She welcomes death as a dear friend,
and looks to the light of the world beyond.