I used to look into her eyes and see
someone beautiful and intelligent and magnificent.
I'd look at her face, smooth pale skin
and red-gold hair, and see a spark within her.
She never thought her fire would go out,
being because she was such a fiery young girl.

But then she got older.

I used to look into her eyes and see
a flicker of the flame that used to be.
I looked into her face,
fierce and hard with years of emotional abuse
and I thought to myself that the fire was still there,
though it was just a flicker.

But then, one day, it went out.

I'm staring into her eyes now,
wondering who the hell she is;
Wondering what happened to the flame of a girl.
She is unrecognizable to me.
But I think.... I think somewhere
underneath this stone cold face..
I think this stranger....

**Is me.

Depression is not in my head
It’s real
It’s a part of me
It has consumed all my happiness and all of my joy
I am a miserable person
I’m not happy
I haven’t been for a while
I put on a fake smile and try to fool all of you, and you know what?
It works
You all think I’m so happy, and I have my life all put together
When really I look death in the eyes, and smile.

i tried to write about you today
i thought of your lips, your skin, your scent
but i couldn’t find words to describe them
how funny things have changed
wake up one day and realize that your dreams are not random
coincidences are foolish
the universe is rarely so clumsy

I’m still waiting for my Christmas present
The one you promised for so long.
Don’t keep me waiting like a poor peasant.
That would be rude and oh so wrong.
I’ve got my mind decorated for the season.
The mantel hung up with stockings
Please don’t make me wait for any reason.
Holding out on me would be shocking.

Holiday hotline
I’m making the call.
Ready for Christmas
The best time of all.
Holiday hotline
Too excited to dial.
I’ll wait a bit longer
But just for a while.

I don’t really need some kind of wish list.
There only one thing that I want.
You’ve got my heartstrings in your **** fist.
I’m fainting just to watch as you flaunt.
I’d write to Santa if it would do any good
But I am pretty sure he already knows.
Honey please, my heart’s not made of wood,
As you wave what I want near my nose.

Holiday hotline
I’m making the call.
Ready for Christmas
The best time of all.
Holiday hotline
Too excited to dial.
I’ll wait a bit longer
But just for a while.

I’m just like a little kid on Christmas eve.
I pretty sure I couldn’t really sleep.
You’ve got some great tricks up your sleeve.
I bet it wouldn’t help me to count sheep.
I want to start in unwrapping my present
I have little doubt I’ll like what’s inside.
The anticipation has been very pleasant.
Now is the finale to a **** yuletide.

Holiday hotline
I’m making the call.
Ready for Christmas
The best time of all.
Holiday hotline
Too excited to dial.
I’ll wait a bit longer
But just for a while.

The leaves crackle
The birds sing
However this is not spring
It's colder so I shiver
I hear a stream from a small river
I hear the brisk wind blowing through
An old weeping willow tree
For I may not see it
But I can hear the many sounds
Of Nature