we all have opinions.
no matter how
seemingly "tough",
and "cool" you may be --
we all have atleast one.

controversial ones maybe.

though your opinion
should never be
hateful towards one's
happiness
or
body.

yes, we all have opinions.
but it's not your
happiness.
and it's certainly
not
your
body.

it's not your responsibility
to comment on it.

so don't.

why would you?

what kind of sick,
twisted mind
do you have
where you would
need to comment
on that?

its not my fault.
i didnt do anything wrong,
it was all
you.

it feels like you've
carefully planned this.
every millisecond,
making me
feel like the guilty one.

im not.
its not my fault.

your intention was to hurt me.
and you succeeded,
with a bonus of
making me feel
guilty.

was it selfish
when i chose
to end our friendship
because
you
grew to become
toxic?

i was saving myself.
that's not selfish.
it's self awareness.

i didn't deserve
a toxic friendship.

i regret not making more friends.
i regret not sitting at more lunch tables.
i regret the glances that i didn’t return.
i regret the smiles i let pass like strangers.
i regret thinking that one friend was enough.
i regret pretending that silence made me strong.
i regret staying home when they invited me out.
i regret overthinking every introduction.
i regret the way i let anxiety speak for me.
i regret deleting numbers instead of reaching out to people.
i regret waiting for them to speak first.
i regret being afraid of being too much.
i regret leaving group chats before they knew me.
i regret the hallways I walked like a ghost.
i regret the versions of me they never got to meet.
the point is --
i regret a lot of things,
about not making friends.
especially that.

but it was my fault
after all.

i know i should've
said something to her
when the time was right.
i should've told her
on the day
that the sun had
hit her face
just
right.
or when she laughed
at something
only i would've noticed.

i had the words.
i really did --
they sat
on the tip of my tongue,
sort of like a secret,
one hoping
to be brave.

but i swallowed the words.
again --
and again.
over --
and over.
until they had eventually
turned into silence
that hurt more
than speaking the truth
ever would have.

she now tells me
about him,
i just have to smile --
pretend im okay,
pretend im listening,
with a small nod
here
and
there.

i say im happy for her.
but gosh...
i wish she had known
that i loved her
first.
i wish she had known
that i loved her
quietly,
and completely,
even if
i hadn't ever
said it
out
loud.

mysteries third project, a peek into a girls notes, is six notes that mysterie had turned into poems.

this is a vulnerable project, one that she hopes to connect with people through on many levels.

a peek into a girls notes;
- The Crush
- The Friends
- guilty?
- Grocery shopping list
- dreams 👻
- why write? why bother.

the link to read all: https://listofregrets.straw.page

my third project!

welcome "a peek into a girls notes"

bts:
little bit of bts about this project.



this project was originally meant to be a "list" of all the regrets i have. it was meant to be twelve parts.

not long after starting, i stopped.

all together.

until a week (exactly) later i was in class,

heard my teacher speak about "intensity of light" and sound waves and whatnot.

i never listen in science, so this interesting me was new.

and i knew i had to write. so i did.



and i have just now decided to finish this project in one sitting.

it's no longer a twelve part piece.

instead nine - or six. i don't remeber already haha

but i finished it in one sitting.

now it's just a notes app.

a peek into a girls notes app.



random poems.

regrets.

lists.

questions to the universe.



thank you!

- mysterie.