i feel like a flower
born backwards

because i love the feeling of golden light all for me

but i shrivel in fear of my own sight to see

I don't quite know where the lightswitch is, but I know that the dark is much more friendly.
    
      Sometimes I dance with a ribbon lacing my body, and it feels like the last day. The string gets tighter and tighter,

and I am cut into a million pieces, but it's so dark. So have I really fallen apart?

          In the dark, all sounds the same, and the whispers.  Yes, the whispers. They're hushed and urgent. Like water rushing into my lungs, they take root, and evaporate.

              I've been going up, up, up

and I still haven't see light.

i finally get to feel your touch
the knife through my heart wasn't what i was expecting,
but it'll suffice

my blood turns to ribbons on ice, and
i'm crying

you've ruined me, and i love you so much

i am a wicked thing, filled to the brim with you, and
every time you're near i pour
out the emptiness

you're killing me, but i can't stop smiling

god won't **** me and you want me dying

I have a friend
He drives a truck for a living
He is someone vvho I've never met
One that I trust and trusts me
He has my home address
Sometimes I imagine him to be a truck driving serial killer
Not sure vvhy that turns me on
Every time I come across one of his photos
I save it
I revievv them often at night
vvhile lying in bed
I knovv it sounds vveird but so ******* vvhat!
He's avvesome
Like vvhen the sun crests over my messes
I have a friend
&& in my head he kills you

there is a darkness between us,
my boy,
you are poison in a body

the tragedy of us,
something like
the death of a child

i can't seem to bleed out -
the pain is
a strangling by gentle hands

a suffocation of hope

and we're off to the races, you and i
arm and arm

it's all fixed, and i'm still betting on you

i am a mouthful of acid

cheeks puffed with sin,
dripping down onto my waning grin

a divorce of possibility
burning me out,
and my heart keeps breaking
every time the sun brings doubt

there is a broken promise in my bones
cracking and cutting me into
worthless stones

a puddle on a winter day,
letting ripples break the counterfeit painting
of a happy fade

this is an ending

i'm dancing to my swan song
in a room of unlit candles

restless shadows dance despite the
absence of hollowed light

i am so alone yet not
abandoned

my spirit is still
but my body is crying

for my aching heart that is
tired of dying

the californian ******* will keep me up
but i can't keep up with this bluff

oh i am drunk on your spirit
spiritdrunk, spiritdrunk, spiritdrunk

"i love you" is hollowing
three words aren't enough for me
(they were until my brain ate them whole. now they echo inside my ears, bounce around until my head has had its fill)
tell me i'm better than the others
tell me you haven't come close to loving another soul the way you love mine
tell me that you weren't functioning
that you were a clock without hands
time flew by in the wrong direction and the numbers on your face were a dead language
until we fell together
and then you started counting in real time and loving every tick of every second

i want you to be aggressive
brand your love into the side of my skull
scar it into my collarbones
make my illness remember

i want you to carve my name into your ******* heart
i want you to grab ahold of my lungs and breathe your love into them
make sure it's the only thing i know
send it flooding through my bloodstream
i need my illness to remember

when i'm like this,
don't tell me you ******* love me
your skin is made of cellophane
i can show you exactly where the lie is coming from
my own head can't take care of me,
how could you?
tell me you'd cut off your hands if they couldn't hold mine
tell me you'd wiggle your way into my ribcage if you could
just so you could be closer to the beat of my heart
tell me you love me and make my illness believe it

i've been hanging from the crescent moon

strung up by
the sinews of a heart that
pumps no blood

a celestial noose
of angels

and i can hear them every so often as
the wind blows -
strong underneath their
skeletal wings

it's getting tighter,
but i can feel no pain

i am hanging from the waning light, but i am not dying

the white, glowing disc among the blackness
attracts lost seraphim
like vultures

swarming around my fading flame like
a secret pagan ritual

they all wait for me to kiss the devil
with my eyes wide open
and i will wonder why
i fell in love with the wrong person again

the moon
took shelter in my chest and
made a home
of my husk of a body

but it's too
big and bleeding
to hold tight