Throwing daggers at the mirror
Hoping one might motivate me
Disgusted, hoping to be just a little more...
Just a little more...
Maybe then...
If I just...
I. Can't.

Nothing is going to satisfy self hatred
It takes and takes and is always wanting more
Funny thing that after a while we are left feeling like nothing
Not enough
Never enough
We believe it too

Eyes glued to our idea of what's "wrong" with ourselves
But what's really wrong is our eyes
Blinded by the lies of society

I'm so good at hurting myself
Chasing after things I know I can't have
It's no good for me, you're no good for me
I can't talk myself out of it when you keep looking at me the way you do
I'm turning away, no more hide and seek
I'd rather be firm than week at the knees from someone who doesn't deserve me

7 months, hopeful possibility
Scraping my head and heals every step of the way
Speeding to reach the destination
Only not to get your attention
But to be let down
It's comforting to know there's a better fit
But when you bring her around I can't help but clench my fists
Joyful endurance
Avoidance at all costs
Boundaries drawn

I'm enough
More than enough
You don't determine that
I have more to offer than you could accept
There's only so much space available when you're already toxic
Incomplete, growing indifferently
There's something about brokenness that is so limiting

Honesty over deceit
Spare my feelings
Confusion and second guessing is not the way it's supposed to be
This thing is supposed to be easy
Falling into place
Just trying to find that corner piece
It's just not fitting together
When the middle part is missing
Love without heart isn't love at all
Infatuation in the imagination
The harder the fall

You can only say you're sorry so many times
And it's been one too many
These apologies you keep emptying are as shallow as the puddles after it rains

Don't get me wrong, I'll forgive you again
But hear me clearly, no more second chances
Nothing is changing, you're not changing
And if you ever do, good for you

I won't waste my time on another whim
A hope that maybe this time would be different
But we both know **** well, it wouldn't

So take your feelings and move along
Don't get me wrong I'll be there as a friend
But I can not, I will not...*let you in

Rolling back and forth every time I'm awake from my sleep
Reaching for something that at one time used to be
It's either hot or cold, no in between
I'll still cover it all up hoping to get some sort of relief
All at once rushing to my head
Punched in the face with all my regret
Deep breath, you're fine
It was just a dream
I'm so tired of my dreams feelings like reality
Every single day living with these things
I want to get away, but this aching in my body rings
Transparency has never been so visible, looking in the mirror
I am not alright, never seen it more clear
Snap out of it, go on with your day
You're just tired, you're completely okay
At least that's all that is spewing out of your mouth when in need of an excuse
Losing sleep over this, isn't something you choose to do
Relying on faith that it will go away
That one day you'll sleep fine, wake up with a smile
Boosted with motivation and a confidence so tangible
Knowing happiness is something that can be manageable

My eyes are so heavy sitting in the passenger seat
Following the bits and pieces of thoughts passing by out the window
Everything seems hazy these days
It'll never be the same
Maybe it's just the aftermath of the breath I release, caused by relief
Or maybe not relief at all
My lungs are inflamed
Every time I try to talk about it, I tend to cough up the anger I pushed so far down into the center of my being
I don't want to be angry anymore
I'm happy for you, really
My heart rejoices at the fact that you found something "better"
To Jupiter and Back my knees scrape the ground
This pounding moved from my chest to my head
I love you never seemed to hurt more
Maybe because it doesn't belong to me
I wish I didn't have to relive the memories of the past
They are an overcast that never leave my dreams
I wish it would pour so that I wouldn't have to bare holding in all this resentment
An empty mind never seems to last long anymore

Time used to run so slow
I remember counting down the seconds, minutes, hours until I could escape away
Sleep was the only time I felt free
But now, I have something different to say

I wish time would slow down
Instead of wanting to escape, it's you I want to be around
I count down the time where I can be
In your arms
Yours to keep

It's all just so easy
You and me
I don't have to pretend to be
Anything but what I am naturally

Knowing you want me just for that
Means more than any gesture one could make
No words even have to be said
My time is for you to take
I wouldn't mind

I wouldn't mind waking up every morning consumed by thoughts of you
Instead of the countless nights that turn into mornings constantly putting myself down

I wouldn't mind keeping you around.
If only you'll stick around.
Please stick around.

Still silence filled with the warmth of your body radiating on me while we sleep
I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else other than lying next to you
The light is just dim enough that I can see
the smile you give me after we kiss goodnight
I can't sleep, I can't dream, if I can't have you here with me
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety
I CAN'T BREATHE
You should be home by now
Where could you be?
Did you find someone better
Someone 10 times better than me?
Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety
You are my anxiety relief
So baby please hurry home
So I can fall asleep peacefully
You here with me

I know that you're probably asleep
Dreaming or maybe not
But I can't help but wish that you have the sweetest of them all

I can't help but keep
Replaying our conversation over in my mind
Read~re-read

There's just something in you I want to seek
To pursue, but with caution
Anywhere, you and me

I don't know if I can compete
With any other human existing
All I can do is be me
And pray to God that'll be enough

One day I will be enough
For me

I'm over everything that once was
But I'm not over what we once had
Seeing you change for another
Seeing you do the same things we used to do
Why can't you be your own person?
You said you wanted to find yourself
To focus on your responsibilities
But, you only copied what once was
And tried to make it your own
You are not your own person
I can't help thinking how did I fall in love with someone who only wanted me because I wasn't stable
To take my brokenness for his own leisure
Maybe because it's easier to keep someone who is so broken around
Instead of someone who isn't so blind to what is right in front of them

I don't want you to care because I don't want to believe that you care. The last time I was so unaware that this "care" that you felt was only temporary. I'm tired of being temporary. I want to be that longing feeling in your spine that you just need to crack to feel some relief again. When will I be relieved? I can not yet again be another book that you put down and never finish because you lost interest. Or the fresh hot steam lingering on the mirror preventing you from only focusing on yourself.