My world is cut in silence
The rain is red
All stories told.
Our bodies roamed just like a virus
In denial
Of our true home.
This sickening betrayal
Left a monster
In my place.
The love I gave entirely
Lead only
To my disgrace.

All the love that I disgraced
All the time I chose to waste
All the pain that I denied,
Just left me dead inside.
All the happiness I feigned
All the damage I sustained
All the hope that I supplied,
Just left me dead inside.
All the lies I told myself
All the conflict that I felt
All the bitter tears I cried,
Only left me dead inside.

I walked down to the water
To feed the birds.
Joyful,
For me.
But the tears fell as I sat on the bank,
Children stopping to wonder
What would make a grown man
So lost.

Waiting.
This sweet ****** cycle,
Into dust—
Into dust!
Endless.

Words purposefully sent
      Will cruelly dangle, stillborn
in this night air
      They are echoes
struggling
                              against a current of denial
      falling short
      among
the corpses of the living
the laughter
Empty Trajectories
                    doomed
              never to be heard,
Just whispered
in the back of my skull.

I stopped trying
To give away this love
A love that never fits
I was not born into
this world
Just cast away from it
These compulsions
that I fight
Show a life I cannot lead
Every word I utter
Will my heart impede
The pieces that are falling
Will tumble til I cease
Hidden now in shadow
Waiting for that final peace.

I was just five
You, in the Stars
Unlocking secret plans.
My young heart
Racing with wonder,
In a world —
Beyond my
understanding.
Imprinted on my mind,
Sweet Princess.
I will never forget.

Down into the ocean
black.
In the bitter grasp of pain.
Falling,
Never looking back.
Not a trace of me remains.
Dragged deeper
by my heart, a stone.
Flesh undone
by careless deed.
Loveless —
Drowning, coldly stung.
Without care or hope or need.
Hold me close, oh silent death!
Nameless
in my last goodbye.
Happy to retreat at last,
As I learned
that love will die.

I'd never call you perfect,
It wouldn't fit.
Perfection is ugly.
Perfection is cruel.
I could never love
Such a tidy measure.
Give me—

the maelstrom of passion,
the divine silence
Present in your heart.
Your
Perfect
Imperfection.
That's all I ever saw.

This midnight hour,
Burning in the brightness of my hell.
You left your mark.
Settled our terms.
Defined our tragedy,
(Ridiculous for all to see).
Cut to ribbons.
And left
Love to hang its head in shame.
Soon we'll mean less than nothing to each other.
How did it come to this?

A burning house
So beautiful
In my dreams, every night
Slowly turning love
To ash
In the pale moonlight.

I lost you
a year ago
The love that eased
My suffering
Is now
a mark
a noose
a sting
A sign that
love was here
Despite the ugliness inside,
You kept me whole
Through Hell,
Until you couldn't.
Your heart so generous
I miss its tender light.
I miss your
midnight breath,
Dying. Dying.
Helplessly.
God,
end these nights of pain.

I'm trying to
remember
You.
You're trying to forget.
I'm fighting for
Your memory.
You're
purging mine.
Even if I win,
I lose.

I buried what goodness
Remained
Under the earth,
So deep,
Never to be found again.
Now all that remains,
An anti soul
Free from the humanity
That clawed its measure
Upon my heart.

We are finite.
Each of us,
Limited — In light,
                    In heart,
                    In purpose.
We are ants,
Scurrying
Between raindrops.
Lost in hives,
Lost in war,
Lost in consciousness.
We are a ticking clock.
We are dying love.
Clinging — to hope,
                     to family,
                     to possessions.
Terrified of the truth.
That there is no order.
That there is no meaning.
That there is only fear.

I want to let go —
To leave this pain
                this emptiness
behind.

It has me by the throat,
Choking life from me
Stealing emphasis.
It has me by the throat,
A lesson in perseverance
Never to be learnt.
It has me by the throat,
A cruel tender grip
Without mercy
Without remorse.
Quietly.
It's over soon,
Don't fight.

Your flowery words
Mean nothing
in this circus of mutual
Worship.
A weak trade of ego
That leaves this storm of words
Redundant.
Speak with pain
Speak with passion.
Do not let these ebbing forms
Break under your
Pathetic will.
Give it all or nothing.

Today, is greater than my words
Today, is smaller than my love
Today, is sharper than my pain
Today, is duller than my truth
Today, is
Everything
Nothing
Today, is undefined
It is woe
It is glory
It is our genesis
It is our end

I fell through the cracks,
Of existence —
Behind shadows
Past the burning stars.
Knowing
The silent comfort of
Liquid black finality.

It's okay you
didn't hurt me I've
been dead inside
so long my chest is
just a cavity My
feelings deadened
My love retired.

Not cherished
But chastised.
Not so much loved
As loveless.
Not so much living
As wearing out.
Not a life
A life sentence.
No longer human
Just human remains.

Now that you're gone
My life is but
little deaths.
Slowly languishing,
In the early hours —
Solace,
In the moon's strange rays.
I was a stranger to your love.
Perfect.
A destructive
Hunger,
            Spiraling
                       ­    Inward.

If this is the end.
If this is the goodbye.
Just
Keep me in your heart,
A
Moment
Longer.

Sleep
my abandon,
Where I run with wolves
in the forest.
Where I am King and nothing.
In slumber
free from torment
At peace
Until the dawn.
I see oblivion
when I close my eyes.
If I know happiness
It is there,
Godly
Among the nothingness.
Hoping to remain.

In you I knew love.
Not the tired fumblings of ecstasy.
Not unreal in expectation.
Never staged,
Unrealistic.
But something new —
Handmade,
Resplendent.
Warmth, shelter, nourishment.
Fever, passion, majesty.
Acceptance, forgiveness, rebirth.
Endless gifts!
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.

All things move toward their end.
Now without you.
In mourning,
A final lesson.
Your happiness is my true desire.
I'll be here.
Always.
Remember me,
My love.

Less than nothing,
Born into Oblivion
Carving iridescent
Beauty
Through these
endless
Streams of pity.
I counted the world
Upon your lips,
I found my
Sweet Damnation.

The world collapses Inward
upon itself.
I don't want to live like this
anymore Goodbye to all
the doubters.
Farewell Hell, I'll see you soon
Anew
The Underworld burns
brighter In reality.
Flames licking with clarity.
Your endless torment —
A bore.
I died this way a thousand times
Night and Day.

I don't remember,
The last time I cared as much
As I care about you.
Everything,
Everyone
Else has always
Felt rather temporary
And disposable.
(And I never minded that).

I don't know if that's
Tragic or beautiful.

Hung on hooks!
Hung on hooks!
A heart
With nothing left.
Remove
The offal
Without a motive,
Sitting in my chest.
Chase the soul out
from its
Ugly cage,
**** the light
That lived inside.
Don't look for me
Anymore,
Just let them know
I tried.

Dear*
I can't call anyone else that,
After you.
I meant every word,
I left them to you.
Only you were so dear,
Only you
Earned that word.

Silence — our silence,
Unspooling,
Gone now, and ****** with the wolves.
Dethroned,
Without importance.

On every leaf,
Of every tree
And beautiful in memory.
A girl in black
Shared her love with me —
Secrets dark and true.
In each word,
I see remain
Nothing greater than her name.
Written, sweetly still.
In empty voices,
All around
Her gentle voice can still be found.
Reaching, softly still.
On every wave,
Of every sea
And beautiful in memory.
A girl in black
Shared her love with me —
Secrets dark and true.

I can't get this sickness
                                         — out of my head
                                             I'm God's lonely man
                                             Stuttering
                                             Left behind in violent days
                                             Doomed to this love
                                                            ­      these reminders
                                             Cutting their teeth on my heart
                                             A pain that will not,
                                           cannot stop
                                             This mad devil
                                             Wants to
                                             Finish
                                             The job.

She,
my silent lover.
A dagger,
in her black dress.
Secret
as the night air.
Now endless.
Counting,
joy and pain.
A beauty —
Silent,
in her black dress.
Her heart,
a forest.
Inescapable.

I tried to forget,
To remove the love stuck in
my heart.
A stray bolt, embedded
In soft flesh.
I tried to know the love I felt...
I feel.
To understand its core.
The intensity.
The resilience.
Now alien,
Unwanted.
Flagrant and indecent.
A love that taunts.
A love that won't be forsaken
                     won't be buried —
A love that doesn't understand
You're gone.

tired expectation
Once as a life
Struggled on
In search of silver hearts
& sober conversation
Now fettered
Against the bedposts
Drowning
Beneath the covers
In remembrance to burning loves.

This appointment for you to ****
dissect the scattered patterns
                  sinking in my skull
Do I struggle
against intrusion?
alien footsteps
in fear, desperation, in woe
My burning tears seen as weakness
madness —
an irresponsible lie
I'm stronger, I'm gentler than
you can understand.
Golden moon and Stars aglow
A monster
mitigating my own pain

disappointing all that I know.

My words are
ineffectual
Stunted,
Silent in my throat.
I'm screaming torment
Inwardly
But you won't
even know.
The days have faded
Constantly,
Though pain it
Still remains.
There is no comfort
now you're gone,
No shelter from
This reign.
I'd pray to god
To help me live
But the devil's
more my kind,
I'd like to burn forever
And leave this
world behind.

For a moment,
I forgot.
The world no longer knows her name.
A second after waking —
She's still warm in my arms.
A glorious tomb
Transformed into a sick joke.
"*******."
Words spat in the face of God,
Nobody.
No undeniable devise, reason or rebuke.
It's over,
Quit yer struggling.
Embrace this tireless oblivion.

Your Goodbye
Removed me
from
                    the world,
Taking everything
Everything I had.
Now each day
I start and end
In nothingness,
Wretched
Without
friends,
Harmony,
Warmth.
I want to begin
With Goodbye and
Never return.

There is a distance,
Between us.
Not measured in metres or feet
Not governed by proximity.
Though you may touch my skin,
Hold me close
I am not there.
I wish it were not so,
That we can only be strangers,
Widening each day.

You made it clear
               with so few words
That it really didn't matter
Anyway.
Just words and nothing
more.
No more expectation.
No more truth
unpurchased. No deadly potential.
Nothing more than
       the weight of dreams.

Sleep/
This is my
Compromise.
Between/
Life & Death.
gentle slumber/
Capture
This breath/
Oh Merciful
Reaper.

What we knew
As love,
Now only sickens
Our hearts.
Our memory.
We are fallen,
Graceless.
Sacrificial lambs —
Hungry
For
Our
Fate.

These endless skies
Always fading
Since you left.
A hollow dawn,
Unforgiving
Like the lies
We get
used to telling.
Love like this
Wasn't made to last,
You were my future
Now I'm just your past.

It's your birthday
Though I should resist
Wishing you well.
It's been over a year
Since we talked,
I stayed away
That was my gift.
So you moved on —
I tried to forget.
It was all "for the best"
But my heart bleeds regret
And I fail the test.

A tear-stained letter,
Black light, white noise.
Knife in hand,
Final kisses trace my throat —
Left to right.
Each ****** convulsion
A jubilant jig.
No tears or regret,
Nought to lose
Just love, hope and innocence.
Pills and shrunken heads
Left far behind.
Forever.
Your words no longer save me —
The rot in my head,
My blackened voice entirety.

I love you and I'm sorry.

Never give
Never breathe
Never love
Never leave
Never scream
Never ache
Never fly
Never hope
Never hurry
Never cry
Never worry
And you will never die.

Less than human
Akin to demon
The pain of being
a man exhumed
Nothing left inside
just a cold dark
shell, Consumed
by darkness in
This living Hell
Choking on silence
extolling violence
To please the beast
Bound and ******
Hungry and shamed
Through kindness
Through virtue
The monster remains.

It's been a year,
Since you left
Time's supposed to heal
But it hasn't touched
me yet.
Everything is the same
Tho the world
Has changed.
All the days are
numbered, and
I still feel strange,
Without your hand
                your voice.
I'm sick of love
I'm sick of choice,
I'm sick of always feeling this way.
Every single ******* day.
It's been so long,
It's been a year.
Despite the odds —
I'm still here.