He laughed
With a half bummed cig
Pressed too close
To his swollen lips

Babygirl,
He said
You'd better run
And he took another drag

Babygirl
He said
I'm no good
And he took a shot of ******

Babygirl
He said
I warned you
And he took a shot at my heart

I laughed
Full of innocence
I thought
I could fool a tiger

Babygirl
He said
I think I'm done
And he walked away

Babygirl
He said
(This time his voice
Estranged in my mind)

Babygirl
I picked up my pieces
But this time
You're far behind

oh this is fun
one and done
it means nothing
just an inner warmth
you tease me
and i tease you
how talented we are
making each other
feel so special
we have no intention
of taking it further
to bed or to alter
but rather
we found a way
to pass the time
and pass the time
we shall

I wanted to let you know
That even though you're gone
I will always love you
And always be thinking of you

I wanted to let you know
That I do not hate you
For anything you ever said
Or anything you ever did

I wanted to let you know
That you're always welcome home
That I will make coffee just for you
And that I will give you something sweet

Yes, I just wanted to let you know
That I hold no malice towards you
That you are free to do as you please
Even if doing so does not involve me

But I wanted you to know
That if you ever change your mind
That I will welcome you back with open arms
And pick up like we never left off

you planted me a garden of wildflowers,
all my favorites and
every kind i didn’t even know i loved.
you picked every flower for me,
handed them over in a bouquet tied with red ribbon,
your love coloring each petal.
your smile was so wide, hope
so big
and i lit the bouquet on fire.
i watched as your face changed, as
the negativity took over and your words tinged blue.
i probably cried a lot less than you,
but
i still cared. that was six months ago and
now you’ve saved up enough to
plant me a new garden, with some old favorites but
new ones as well.  and you thought,
you really thought that
when you gave me that red ribbon bouquet i would take it. you thought i would maybe stop hurting you.
at some points, to be honest,
so did i.
save your garden for someone more deserving,
someone better than the mess i am.
i’m sorry i couldn’t accept your flowers.

it always starts the same way-
mild disinterest, apathy
growing like ivy on old stone,
rapidly multiplying until you can’t even
find the door.
then comes the anxiety,
an iron fist clenched around the tendons of my heart,
questioning ever decision i make, every
thought floating through my mind like
my own soul, never tied down.
it haunts me in my dreams, sneaks up
behind me whenever i forget about it.
my own mind is my downfall.
third is the sadness, of course
but it’s happened enough by now
that you can see the shroud of darkness from
a mile away, maybe
next time you can warn me that it’s coming,
shout at me to run before
it consumes me again. sure,
the sadness is pain but
at least by then i know it’s coming,
from the moment i lose interest in my grades
snap at my friends
cry because my heart aches.
at least i can prepare myself, pray
this time it will be fast
even though i know it won’t.
at least i can spend longer crafting the perfect lie,
stop hating myself so much because i know
when the time comes my own resolve
will crumble...
just like that old ivy covered stone.
at least i know that one day,
i’ll see the sun again.