this morning I woke
and for a short, tender
moment
I swore I could feel your breath
against my back.
I remembered once again
that someone else
with rose petal lips and
piano piece hands
was waking up to your heartbeat.
I wondered
if you ever had moments
where you believed I was still
under your skin
and if it ever felt alien
when her piano hands played
stripped back versions of songs,
even though her rose petal lips
couldn't kiss the most vulnerable parts
of you.

Ashamed of the way your body grows, too much in the way of the places your creation calls its home,
Shed it all and be reborn: naked, screaming, defenseless.
Darling girl, this is how they'll want you,
writhing beneath them in the scorching desert sheets.

Ugly, ugly woman; they want you to be young again.
Young and pretty and brand new, there for the taking, and so
Cut up ankles, swollen body running the water red.
Darling girl, this is what they meant
when they said they'd never love you
until you've bled.

Dare I disturb the image of your beauty?
Though I fear such torment, I strike at memory
Shattering beliefs and scattering them haphazardly
Across a pool of my own lucidity.
You are now only a product of past tragedy
Never in the foreground to hurt me
Always sinking deeper into the water we’ve wasted
Nourishing black roses hardly blooming.

Nay, still you smile in amusement
Knowing you have evaded deployment
Shielding yourself with a layer of plasticity
That returns to haunt the subtle elasticity
Of minds superficially moulded into belief
Now brandishing nothing against an enemy
Elated in the minute lapse of reality
They’ve made ripple in your vanity.

Dare I shelter a deadly renegade?
With arms shaking, I open doors to your shadows
Watching them slither back into their corners
Forming warm cloaks of comfort
In the crevices of a vessel unrecovered
Safe in its weak kindness and susceptibility.

I close my eyes to the feeling
Of your presence within my soul
Roping in the acceptance I had always evaded
Locking it into the vacant basement
Of self-acceptance, as you sigh out resentment
Removing it from the dying voices in my lungs
Tasting copper dissipating on my tongue.

Dare I accept my demons?
You are already a part of me.

Our love
Could be contained,
And easily
Spilt over.

Sopping wet,
Soaking through
The elements of
Our environment.

You were the wind.
I was the waves.
Together we created
A hurricane.

Liquid love
Attempted to
Wash us clean.
It did not succeed.

Our love
Brought on
A flash flood.
There was no warning.