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mikhaila Jan 2018
As the prongs hit the page
my soul poured out.
The thoughts that haunted me in my dreams,
the thoughts that made me want to scream.
The quick ticks of metal against metal
fueled my fingers that were burning with ire and melancholy.
And before I knew it,
I was drained
of everything I once had bottled up inside-
it made me free.
  Jan 2018 mikhaila
Lisa Zaran
She said she collects pieces of sky,
cuts holes out of it with silver scissors,
bits of heaven she calls them.
Every day a bevy of birds flies rings
around her fingers, my chorus of wives,
she calls them. Every day she reads poetry
from dusty books she borrows from the library,
sitting in the park, she smiles at passing strangers,
yet can not seem to shake her own sad feelings.
She said that night reminds her of a cool hand
placed gently across her fevered brow, said
she likes to fall asleep beneath the stars,
that their streaks of light make her believe
that she too is going somewhere. Infinity,
she whispers as she closes her eyes,
descending into thin air, where no arms
outstretch to catch her.
mikhaila Jan 2018
Did you fall in love with me,
or the idea of me?
Did you fall in love with my heart,
my brain, my eyes?
Or was it my lips,
my legs, my hips?
Did you fall in love with the way my hands fit into yours?
Or the way your name rolled off my tongue?
Did you fall in love with the way I whispered sweet nothings in your ear?
Or how my breath smelled like peppermint?
Did you fall in love with
who you thought I was?
Who I was in the beginning?
Did you fall in love with the idea of loving me?
Did you plan this all along?
Did you fall in love with me
while you were waiting for someone else?
Did you even fall?
Did you even fall in love with me a little bit, at all?
mikhaila Jan 2018
Your tongue like a knife
carved into me,
digging deeper and deeper
with every jab.
Taking the most important pieces,
my heart, my lungs, my mind,
holding them for ransom
until there was nothing left for me to give,
you had my everything.
mikhaila Jan 2018
I am afraid of what’s to come
I am afraid of who you will become
I am afraid of who I will be
I am afraid of who you will see.

Will you see the girl I used to be
the girl you fell in love when we were 17?
Will you see the girl who was afraid to dream
because all the dreams are not what they seem?
Will you still love me
when we have both changed?

Will you still think I am beautiful?
Will you brush back my hair
to try and find the face of the girl who isn’t there?
Will you still squeeze my hand
when you know I can barely stand?

Will you still be the boy
I fell in love with from the start?
Will you still view me
as a work of art?
Will you still be the one
who makes me laugh ‘til I am numb?

Will you still read my writing
long after I am gone?
Will you remember the way
my name rolled off your tongue?
Will you still remember me
when we are no longer young?

Where will this go?
What will I do?
When we’re no longer side by side,
me loving you?
mikhaila Jan 2018
I had the blade in my hand
waiting for my life to end.
I had already given up
so what was one more cut?

One more cut along my wrist,
down my leg,
or across my ribs.

I could barely feel it anymore
my body was already tired and worn.

Just one more cut would do the trick
they all felt like needle ******,
except this one,
this one felt like it weighed a hundred tons.

The blade shifted in my hands
and tore through all the ***** bands
that covered the lines that marked up my wrists.

My head grew heavy
my feet slid across the floor
someone was banging on the bathroom door.

Blood dripped on the ground
and all the sound faded out.

Because I was a coward
I got to live another day,
and that was the sign it was time to change.

I packed away the blade,
the bandages,
and the first aid.
They will never see the light of day.
mikhaila Jan 2018
All thanks to you
I am purple and blue.
Purple and blue.
Purple and blue.
Oh, but you knew,
I hated those colors-
purple and blue.
It was fun for you
but I hope you know,
I hated you, too.
You, you, and most of all,
the purple and blue.
Oh, what I would do
to make you know what it was like
to always be
purple and blue.

— The End —