the words that were once too hard to say
now fall out of my mouth
but you still don’t wanna hear them

if someone were to ask me to describe how i feel
i’d point to the naked trees, the empty schools
words no longer hold that ability to describe
even the clouds come and go
mocking me
where the **** are the constants in my life
i miss the regularity
the certainty
that a single thing will remain the same way tomorrow

there was a time
when i struggled to feel
and now it consumes me

let my lungs ache
like my heart did
maybe then of you my mind would be rid
gone and away
i’ll be sky high
not a care in the world
one last goodbye
why do i suddenly matter when i’m no longer there
can’t be with you
and i can’t be without
you wanted me gone and so i left
if i scream from inside will it echo in your shadows
these thoughts haunt my every night and yet i know they aren’t enough
i don’t want to exist as a distant memory
i want to make it through what they thought i couldn’t
i deserve much more than i’ve allowed myself
it only took time for me to realise it

i can feel myself drifting
slowly
like the water that carries these boats
the clouds that take over the sky and then disappear
living on borrowed time
my own existence is temporary
and unlike this water, unimportant
the water runs one way
i drift aimlessly
no end is foretold
endless possibilities
and yet
i can just so easily cease to exist
throw it all away
decide for myself how my story will be told
they’ll say ‘she lived’
so i must

behind the face carrying the biggest smile
the silent screams echo
get them to stop they’re getting too loud
no one knows where I go
when you turn off the light
and you say it’s alright
the girl you meet is not me
stuck in a place only i see
losing my mind, slowly
thoughts rushing inside, so deep
how many times can you believe
this constant fear, on repeat
that this is all that’s left for me?
why can’t I just ******* leave?

like a bird
he cut off my wings
the cage is open but my heart it stings
i’m now his puppet
******* by strings
burying me alive
rubble weighing me down  
my heads under water so i will drown
i have no choice for he wears the crown