I don't write poetry
I write my thoughts in the only way they make sense
I write my soul, which I guess is inherently dark
I write my struggles hoping no one understands,
but if you do I hope that you feel comforted that someone else feels it too
I write my diary, with no rhyme scheme, no meter, just metaphors and similes
which I guess is like poetry, oh well what can I say
I guess poetry is the only way it makes sense

its cold here
my heavy eyes droop
the teacher drones on
I blow my nose, so that I can breathe
in, out, in sneeze out in, out, in, out, sneeze
I'm at the back of the room
isolated
java 2, the elite
sitting alone in a java 1 class, so I don't have to pay attention
Mrs. is teaching stuff I already learned
She hands me packets to work on, on my own
the trees look so green, I love the spring
may, almost, summer
summer coming soon, not soon enough
tap tap tap tap the keyboards click click click
ugh my nose is so congested
my eyes are so heavy
sleeeeeep I just need sleep
I have to packets I need to work on, but I can't focus.
can't focus, can't breathe
my hands are tired from typing
I'm too tired to focus on reading
so what to do, what to do.
I'm wasting time, but who actually cares
I'll get the work done, just not today
summer come sooner, I need some warmth
warmth, my bed is so warm
this classroom is cold
i'm cold
bed, bed, sleep warmth
how will I ever get through this day?

day 1
My period came, god no the cramps
day 2
Headaches, cramps, voices loud and strong while I am soft and weak
I ran out of pads, pills and any other type of relief
day 3
I'm sick. I'm sneezing, I'm coughing, my headache worsens and I'm still going to school. All of this and my period, it's a wonder how i'm still awake and focusing at all
day 4
My voices don't stop screaming. My period pains last throughout the day. My cold won't stop. I want to stay home, I want to stay asleep, but I can't. Every time I sneeze, blood flows out like the ******* Niagara falls. My headaches don't lessen. Haven't I suffered enough?
day 5
My period finally lessens, I don't even need pads, just pantyliners. My headaches have lessen too. Sadly my voices are still going loud and strong. My cold has reduced just a bit, not much, I'm still sneezing half of my brain out.
day 6
**** **** **** **** **** it all! I don't want to deal with this anymore!!!  Just ******* let me sleep. I'm going insane. The cramps **** the cramps! I can barely get out of bed! What the actual ****! I though my period was leaving! ****
day 7
period left, sickness is reduced to the occasional cough and sneeze. Voices have quieted down to a loud whisper. Thank god this week is finally over.

What was I expecting?
That you suddenly knew how to handle me at my worst?
That you suddenly were able to tell when I was feeling depressed and that you'd be able to cheer me up?
I knew I shouldn't have expected anything, but I thought you cared...
how stupid of me, I know no one cares, but I hoped that you did
how can anyone make me better, I'm stuck, all by myself
you said you would be there for me, I should've known better
when you said you'd be there, you meant when it was convenient for you
I'm sorry, this is all my fault
I'll just say here, staring at my wall, numb
my mind drifting off to all the failures of my past and all the horrible futures of tomorrow.

I'm numb
I can't feel anything
Am I still alive?
Can anyone help?
Do I need help?
I don't know.
I can't tell.
I wish I could get my razor, just to feel something
but it was taken
now what do I do?
I'm numb
I can't feel anything
why
why can't I feel anything
Do I even exist
all I do is stare into nothingness
frozen
like a picture hung on the wall
am I dead?
or am I just dead inside?
I can't laugh
I can't smile
I can't move.
I'm numb