love is
a cycle
that starts with me
and ends with me
in pieces

Lately I've been thinking
About all the hairpin
Turns I've gone around
Too quickly
And almost eaten
My own ***
Straight into
A tree

And mostly
I've been thinking
About all the
Ships I've sunk
With tiny
Needle.     point
Holes
Thousands
Of perforated
Perfunctorily placed
Sailor sabotage

All of those ships
resting at the bottom
Of my halfway conscious
Self
Because I'm afraid
Of being the barnacle
Brained woman
That I am
Clinging to the bellies
Of the sinking
Ships I've carefully
Cast into
The depths

And lately I've
Been wondering
Why I've never been so
Lucky as to
Hit one of
Those needle poked turns
As fast as I could

you are here again
you drift in and out
my tiresome wilting nightmare

you are the endless haunt
of my darkest nights
the sleeping hours
soaked with raw unease

what was the point
in lusting and loving
piercing the depth of our souls
why bind ourselves
in a luscious nest
if it was waiting to fall

i lie on our barren bed
fragments of who i was
splayed on the floor
waiting for a good day
the strength to gather them all
and rebuild myself

please remove your essence
don't play me with your jangling ghost
break the chains
cast my desire to black
let my eyes
never fall on you again

leave me
in this abandoned home
to live my days in cold blood
close the unwritten chapters
let this haunting end