Mel Little

Mel Little Jun 2020

Home

"I have to go home now."

Home is an empty apartment with too many empty soda boxes stacked in one corner waiting to be ripped up.
Home is kid's toys littering my hallway, try not to step on that Hot Wheel I keep forgetting to pick up.
Home is every other week of coloring and kids shows on tv and patiently teaching my son how to tie his shoes.

Home is not how it used to be.

There is no screaming in my home now. No wondering if I am good enough. No empty promises of, "this will make our marriage work," when all the counseling in the world couldn't help.

Home is learning to be alone with myself for the first time in four years. Home is quiet with no tv to listen to in the background while my son sleeps at his fathers and my whole life is different than it was six months ago.

Home is strength in leaving. Home is where I will heal. Home isn't four walls, but the cavern inside myself I've filled with lies that need to be dug out of the pits of time and cleared with sage and home... just simply isn't what it used to be.

But I will rebuild.

#divorce #sad #home #thoughts #relationships #children #marriage

Mel Little Jun 2020

Apathatic Musings of the Heartbreak Kid (10w)

Is it agonizing to find
so little worth
your time?

#10w #short #thoughts #10words #musings

Mel Little Jun 2020

Midnight Revelry

It's only with this ache between my thighs
I think,
"Maybe I've tried to **** away my
feelings
one too many times."
And every kiss feels like a last goodbye.
Sweat pools like old fights and old memories and old wounds and old scars and old heartbreaks;
I'm left wondering if this will heal
or break me.
You have more power than you know.
To unravel me in more ways than
quivering beneath you with my
hands in your hair and your name
on repeat tumbling from my mouth
like a prayer,
or a curse.
Is it a prayer or a curse?
******* away the pain, or allowing someone to come back in and break
every wall back down again...
Pull me back to you again and let me know if I am what you want
or if this is just insulation for
another cold winter alone.

#*** #relationship #feelings #confusion #thoughts #long #freeform

Mel Little Apr 2020

Ghosting

Phantoms and specters have nothing on you.
Harry Houdini your way right through my defenses,
and I'll put my hand on every mistake I've made and light them up
like I'm Vanna White.
But maybe,
I'm over being the girl sawed in half
for everyone else's amusement.
You can't just take a heart out of your hat after making it
disappear.
And the empty halls of my heart can only echo with the footsteps of the of the past for so long
Before we exercise them with
100 proof
and
a good night's sleep.
I'll point the blanchette at "goodbye" and burn a cigarette like it's sage.
No more ghosts.

#relationships #love #metaphors

Mel Little Apr 2020

Darkness

I cannot hide from my own thoughts.
It may be dark in here, but I know someone has to have a match.
And if my words are kerosene, yours are flint.
That silver tongue of yours may find use after all;
abrasive enough to catch.
I was never afraid of the heat of fire, but these dark spots in my memory burn too bright with time and too many lit matches.
The smell of sulfur forever a reminder.
I was never afraid of the heat of fire, but these ******* scars are a constant reminder
that sometimes darkness isn't so
scary after all.

#metaphors #fire #memories

Mel Little Aug 2019

Flame

It has long been time to say goodnight,
The hands of the clock caressing my face, lulling me into secluded silence.
But I can still smell your skin on me, feel the bite of the binds.
And so the cigarette still burns. On. And on. And on. And the tears still fall. On. And on. And on.
Agony is telling the same story over and over until you believe it. "I'm fine, I don't think about it anymore. I'm over it."
And then you see something. Or hear something. Or read the ******* newspaper. And your name is never under arrest.
Maybe you never hurt anyone again. Maybe you only took my voice.
Maybe the cigarette still burns so close to my fingers that I have scars. Maybe I still wait for sleep. Maybe you'll catch fire to that bed dropping a cigarette. Maybe the flames will take you.
Maybe I can wait for the next time the pain will hit. Maybe I can smoke another cigarette.

#sexualassault #feelings #hurt #survivors