I stood apart with aloof dignity
A distant smile
He was upstage with strangers
Erudite I am with many
Downtrodden was never
Aloof for the school of accepted
Erudiate becomes obsolete

When I walk through a room and
If the silence is too cunning and too strong
I recall a poem: I once read Bird of Texas
I usually let my eyes zoom in on a target
Most of the time, it’s the exit
With the red lights, or the doors with the double bolts

Poetry writing is like double bolts locks
We lock our thoughts and emotions inside ourselves
and worried about what others might think of us
I seriously doubt that Dr. Seuss worried about his unique way of rhyming

Do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.

Same here with me, I don’t care if you like my poems or not
My eventuated submission: or my manner of speaking.
Is your way of critiquing gratifying Sam I am?

Do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.

"Do you see the sky?" I asked
as I waited for a response.

I waited,
and waited
and waited.

I realized that there wouldn't be one,
because the conversationalist
I speak to
(in my head)
has left.

The sun sets to the north of the mountains,
if you're standing in the front yard it's hard to see.

But I see it when I dream,
when I think of happier things,
I wonder why I feel so distant,

I wonder why when I pull my irises back into the socket where they sleep.

"Do you see the sky?" I asked
You responded, finally,

with the most dismal response one could conjur

"that I do."

When all I wanted,
was to share it with you.

Over the past few months 

it’s been easy to get by 

without my mother-

but my father,
on the other hand,
is the pair of scuffed shoes
I keep tucked away in the closet

my favorite shoes,
they once were, 

I wore them until they fell apart


I kept them hidden
so no one could see

that buried underneath all the shoes, 
my once favorite shoes,
lay ruined,

just like my father

who was once
my favorite too

I remember when i found out
my heart had left my body and my hands were trembling

I remember when you were my best friend and we were inseparable

I remember making forts together with the basement cushions

I remember dancing through the days with the top hits of 2002

I remember when you started staying out all night and sneaking in 

I remember when you changed your friends

I remember when your eyes didn’t look the same

I remember when you showed me a green plant

I remember when you showed me a small pill
I remember when I took drugs with you
and we danced through the day just like old times

I remember when you were dragged down the hallway by your hair
and all I could see was your feet flailing
and all i could hear was your piercing screams

I don’t remember you for fourteen months

until you came back for thanksgiving

I remember your eyes didn’t look the same

I remember your voice was different 

I remember your legs looked like small branches
and your cheeks were sunken in

I don’t remember you for two months

I remember when you went away
and you said you were going to get better

I remember before you left
we laid in my bed
and you showed me your scars
and told me your stories

I remember you looked me in the eyes and told me everything was going to be okay

I remember you crying through the nights
taking endless cold water baths
and throwing up until the sun came up

I remember the day you left and all you wanted to do was smoke one last cigarette

I don’t remember you for three weeks


I remember you when you came back
I remember you gained weight

I remember you looked healthy

I remember you glowing with beauty

I remember my mom finding a spoon in the drawer of the bed side table
with burnt cotton

I remember her telling me not to come home because she didn’t want me to be there when she told you to leave

I remember you called me and you cried
and you said sorry to me

I don’t remember you for eighteen months

until you called your dad three days before my birthday
and said you used his insurance for rehab and you needed money for your prescription

I don’t remember you for two months

I remember you at thanksgiving but your mind wasn’t there 
just your body

I’m sure I won’t remember you for another seven months.

when I think of the days I've burned at both ends
it's almost as if I'm dreaming
as if the memories I've stored in my head
are distant and non-existent

To wear a mask
an avatar
we're insecure
and it's quite bizarre
that we lie to folks
both near and far
in hopes they'll see
our rising star
while scared of that question
of who we are

I don't see the problem,
My body is my own,
If I need to let out the pressure,
I'll slice down to the bone.

A friend used to hurt,
Broken mind made body the same,
Emotions controlled her,
No one is to blame.

When I split my skin,
I ensure it's only me that I harm,
Collected mind united in pain,
Then I can feel calm.

My veins run with fire,
Cut them open to let out the heat,
My veins pulse with fire,
I'll burn until I'm beat.

Itching, ******, melting flesh,
With shining silver I hold my breath,
Loose, tepid, paper skin,
Sharp steel with edge razor thin,
Rubber grip in steady hand,
Why is this wrong,
I don't understand.

Pain that is sharp and mean,
So pure and clean,
Purifying fire in aching veins,
I'm lucid because of my pains.

Burning, scorching, pulsing flames,
For my pain there is someone to blame,
Sticky, ruby, viscous blood,
Not that I must, just should,
Calm mind in broken meat,
I won't stop this,
I'll burn until I'm beat.