My world is forgein shimmering lights.
Lights speeding over, around, through me
In a constant blur and
I stumble in attempt to follow.
My world is a sea of faces.
Smiling, laughing faces that
Quickly flicker and transform,
Twisiting in agony, and only I can see.
My world is a swarm of words.
Humanity's words invading my mind,
Coursing through my veins
And causing system failures in my mind.

Welcome.

I'm caught up in your mystery,
Can't breath in your hazel eyes,
But it's okay, I promise,
My heart still beats sometimes.

My heart is a broken compass.
Constantly whirling,
Lost, in a constant battle with gravity.
Spinning in search for north,
But always finding itself trapped
And staring into the east of your eyes instead.

I have a golden locket,
That hangs around my neck,
It's heavy as weighted stone,
And I'm a nervous wreck.
I keep it with me through each day,
And through the passing cold,
I keep it close, next to my heart,
Although it has grown old.
I have this ****** and rusted locket,
Filled with ash and pain,
I don't know why I wear it still,
Don't ask me to explain.

Your eyes are piercing,
Deep as the raging sea.
And yet they dance ceaselessly
With the laughter of a child.
Your arms, tired and struggling to remain steady,
Still somehow find time
To fly across the monkey bars of your youth.
Your words, often in constant motion,
Often filled with diverting, musical nothings, can be
Replaced with a love made clear, yearning to understand.
So what I ask of you,
Dear Stranger,
Is that you'll promise yourself,
The kind, loving theorist and the wonderfully outlandish child
Both,
That you'll leave neither behind,
Cherishing the two forever
As you make your way through the maze
That is this life.

Missing you is reflected
In the instability of my bones.
I walk with a long stride but am interrupted by my knee
Sliding smoothly out of its socket,
Causing its usual functions to become impossible
As straightening my leg sends shooting pain through the entire limb.
Missing you is reflected in my lifetime insomnia.
Waking in a cold sweat at 3:00 am
After 2 weeks of successful, undisturbed sleep.
Waking in the early morning of the one day which requires every possible ounce of energy.

But ultimately, missing you
Is reflected in the anger I feel towards myself.
The anger that comes from knowing what is true
Right and just.
And yet, still imagining the "if only"s.
The impossible fantasies that are somehow still creeping back into my mind
Like children's hope for fat Nicholas.  
Ignoring the knowledge that I in was in love with an idea that
Never existed.
An idea that I still sometimes wish for.
And so I limp painfully along this road with tired, bloodshot eyes,
I am angry at myself for missing you,
Angry at you, though you'll never know nor care of these musings.
And though my ******, idiotic fantasies are not of your doing.
Or are they?
The ultimate question.
Are these emotions of your doing, did you do this intentionally?
Are you aware of what occurred and what is?
Are you aware of me?
Did you ever know me.
And did I ever know you.
Because that is what angers me the most.
I miss a person that I never knew,
Do not know,
And will never understand.
And the stupidity in that is beyond my comprehension.