Just know oh faint of heart
Though you are not at home
We all carry our sin
But carry not alone.
Oft times we seem to stumble
And the earth seems to shake
Our hearts are torn asunder
Our balance seems to quake
But when at break of day
When all of sin and shame
Has hung upon the cross
And you have entered thus
There will be no need
For sun or light of day
The man upon the cross
Will always light our way
Henceforth tell your tale
And tell what you have seen
My Lord and God take me
For I come unto Thee

I sob for the little things
When somebody yells at me
When I just got in a fight with a dear friend
But when something touches my very soul
Reaches inside of me
And pulls my heart out
For all the world to see
Silent tears
Slip their way
Down my cheeks
And gather
In the crevices
Of my consciousness

I suppose your
Winter romance
With warm hugs
And long dinners
I guess it just
Wasn't meant to be

Why isn't it okay that I'm afraid?

I live for
Sweet Sundays
With Misty warmth
And hot tea
And sunshine
And birds singing outside my window
For soft music
And breakfast food
And long dresses
And the Lord in my heart

//CUR-a-j//

Noun:

1. You are a brave mountain, a standing tower in a whirlwind. You are a small boy facing a giant, a yellow brilliance in the face of destruction.

2. You scream holy fearlessness at the abyss.

3. You have been to the eternal edge and stood in it's inky, anger. You have faced a deep and wicked disaster, and it has faced you. You have seen the bitter eternity and preached light to it's fury.

//yoo-ni-verss//
Noun:

I. You are a wonder wrapped in a miracle. Every ebony gasp breeds holiness. Every tincture of time that you hold bursts into purple midnights. Every bright escape another release of your cosmic breath.

II. You rule with satin clouds and shining rain. Your every movement shakes time.

III. You know your greatest magic and will forever prove it to those who rest beneath your raven sky. You are power and grace entwined, you hold on your hands an eternity, and you fully know it's wretched destiny.

If there is one thing
That I have learned
From my lack of health
It is that
I am more than my illness
I am more than my headaches
Or the room spinning around me
More than my unsteady steps
And crippling anxiety
I am more than all the noise
That echoes in my ears
And I am more than all the pain
I've felt for all these years
I am more than aching backs
And needles in my feet
I am more than dizziness
And more than lack of sleep
I am more than lights to bright
They hurt my eyes and head
I am more than wakefullness
When I go to bed
I am more than doctors
And medicines and pain
I am still someone inside
There's more that I contain

And it is in the quiet moments
When I feel the most alone
And a throbbing in my heart
Begs me to go home

Sometimes apologies aren't about
Who's really at fault
Sometimes it's just about fixing relationships

I wish I could record for you
The noise inside my head
The screaming and the voices
Of the words I've never said
But when my finger hits record,
The red dot starts to flash
And all I hear is silence
When I try to play it back

I am a psychopath
Born of hatred
And loneliness
I am bred of sadness
Soaked in anxiety
Wrapped in a deep sadness
That no one knows
I am broken
Never to be whole

But I am on a high
Of gladness
A sweet glory inside
That answers to the call
Of a great survivor
And savior
It beckons me to a warm embrace
Whispering comfort
And smothering me in love

But then
I am alone
And lost on my own
And this frigid cold
Embraces my every action
I can't think
Can't speak
Can't feel
And God
What I would give
Just to feel something
That is not
This
This fragile existiance
That never seems to let me go
I am falling
Falling
Falling in the dark
And ******
I don't know if I will ever
Stop
Falling.

It's dead in my soul
Deep beneath my skin
No longer beating
Breathing
Only spasming
From time to time

I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to hurt you
I don't want attention
I want to scream
At the top of my lungs
Until my voice runs away
Until my vocal cords snap

I don't want to be a part of something
I want to tear myself apart

I may not want to die
But I don't want to live

I am always the one who
Loves more
Tried harder
Falls deeper
I have so much love to give
But no one wants it.

One thing I promise
Something echoing in me:
Things WILL get better

I want to write a poem
But I cannot find the words
They're stuck in my throat
Caught in my mind
Tangled in my soul
How do I say that I am alone
So alone
Even though I'm surrounded
By voices
Excited
And vibrating with energy
How do I explain
In soft, genuine letters
That my soul is torn apart
Riven in two
Broken
Not my heart, my soul
It hurts to breathe
Because it's all in my chest
Building up
Like tears
Breaking in waves across my cheeks
How can I express
That the pain
Hidden in my smiles
Is so wrenching
And horrible
And lonely
That I can't take it
I miss someone
So much
But
******
I don't know who I miss

And she looked in the mirror
And whispered
"I don't know you"

You can only bow down
If you are first brought down to your knees

It came like mist
On water at night
Slowly
But powerfully
I didn't even know
It was there at first
Until it turned my heart
From the beating read
To the dead black
I left all familiarity
For hopes of something better
Little did I know
I was leaving paradise
For its nemesis
I rolled my life away
Like dice
Until nothing was left
Save that charcoal heart
And a feeling of defeat
In my mind
I had fallen
Into a pit
Of destruction
And slick as the walls were
I could not get out
I shouted to passersby
And cried out for anyone
Anything
That would save me
From this shadow
Yet none
Would turn aside
I wallowed long
In my own thoughts
And searched for another way
If only I could find a foothold
I could climb out on my own
For days
I attempted escape
Only to fall again and again
Until I was so broken
I could try no more
And it was there
Deeply submerged
In darkness
And despair
That my soul sang
An old song
Like a prayer answered
In my misery
And inability
I saw a man
Glowing
And more radient than any
Sunset
Climb down to join me
Taking my hand,
He helped me to my feet and suggested
That I make use
Of His shoulders
Standing then, upon them,
I found myself able
To reach the top
Looking back
Unto my Savior,
There was now no way for
Him to climb out
"Good sir, how, now do you make your escape?"
He spoke softly
"My job is done, it is finished,
Pass on now to freedom,
Go now back home

You walk with your friends
Talk with your friends
Laugh with them
Hug on your friends
But here I am
Alone
Because no one
Wants to be with the sad girl
The messed up girl
Who can't park straight
And never says what's wrong
Because the truth is I don't know
No one wants to sit with the emotions
Of my mind
Telling me over
And over
That people are mad with me
And I'm a ***** up
And it's so loud
In my head
That I can't even hear
The movie we're watching
So just leave me be
"'*** I'm trying to see
What that actress is doing on the screen"
Move over
You're too clingy
But all I really want is
A way out
A way out of this ******* up mess
That has become my life
And if that means
A gun to my head
A knife on my wrist
Or pills down my throat
Then that's what it will be

And it was there
Deeply submerged
In darkness
And despair
That my soul sang
An old song
And I came home

I live
For stormy days
Chilly wind
Colorful leaves
The color orange
Long scarves
Warm boots
Giant sweaters
Cloudy skies
Hot tea
Good books
Bonfires
The smell of burning leaves
Fuzzy blankets
Candy corn
And corn mazes
Hot cider
Scary movies
Acorns
Petrichor
Candy apples
Jack-o'-lanterns
Splendor in the air
And long walks
Through quiet forests
I am in love with fall

Even the waves break on the sand

I'm tired
Of the long days
And longer nights
Of the too-cold air
Or too-hot wind

I'm tired
Of the cold people
Surrounding me
The bright lights
And shaking ground

I'm tired
Of the room spinning
Voices screaming
Shoulders hurting
Soul burdened
I'm tired
Of speaking
Of waking up
And falling asleep
And the long gaps in between

I'm tired
Of life
The way it is
Knowing
No one's knows or cares

And I'm tired, ******
Of the tears
My hot skin
The shakes
The headaches

Yes, I'm tired
Of the work
That I put in
The money
I have to spend
So that I can go to sleep
Only to start it all over again

I don't belong here
I never did

I can be happy
Smiles all around
My eyes full of gladness

I can be laughing
At something
Said by someone I love

I can be smiling
Eyes twinkling
And heart blissful

But only for a moment
Because soon
It comes again,
This dark cold
And it grips my heart like steal
And I'm afraid
I'm afraid
It won't let me go

And in the midst of rainy days
When clouds are dark with misty haze
And life is wrought with deep malaise
Remember Him who bought you

We are flawed
We always have been
From the beginning
We lived in sin
Nothing we
Have done on this Earth
Can be credited
To our own will
And so we
Soulless wanderers
Continue in our
Own weaknessess
We betray
To death
The one being
Who cared
About our eternity
We spat in His face
And killed Him
In our sin
And by His grace
And He still
Saved us
This world is dark
It is war-ridden
And gut-wrenchingly
Sick
At it's best
This is not
Where we belong
We die
And fade
With each passing day
Illness
Wreaks havoc
Every day
And our sole hope
Is that one day
There will be rest
Worry not, oh wanderer
For He is coming
And quickly
To bring us Home
To the golden streets
And Gates of pearl
To the family we never knew
But always felt
And to the Eden
That our savior
Always wanted
For us
Despite
Our downfalls