I'm trying to find the words to write about you
I don't have an idea of what to say
Because you don't feel real anymore
You feel like a dream I had a few nights ago that was inevitably cut short.
It's so hard to get out how I feel when everything I want to say is stupid and pointless because it never happened.
I have conversations we had, and I have the memories, but I don't have proof these things exist outside my own head.
The you in my memories isn't the same you as today who can't look me in my eye.

Because no one and no thing can stop a heart from breaking ;
Because once sorrow is unleashed from the deepest crevices in ourselves, the flood and waves of hurt cannot be halted by even the strongest of all breakwaters ;
Because humans are social creatures and though the loneliest of us deny this, we cannot help but want love when there is no love to receive, want to hope though we know it is hopeless, want to believe though we know it is not to be or perhaps, never to be ;
That is why when the tears flow, I cannot just stop them.

I will leave even though I don't want to
That'll show you

I've been counting the stars for so long that I have lost track of the moon.

I really do have my moments of guilt,
But also too afraid to lose what we have built,
Are you playing a game, and I don't know the position?
Or is this a transition to something great,
And night I'm alone and it's myself I hate,
But when I wake up to a clenched phone,
still smiling about the dream of me and you,
And a bench,
It, like the day, has been renewed,
So should I stay selfish and unflinching,
Even though the protests and picket signs,
Are crossing over to my mind,
Or realize,
That I never want to have a day,
Where I can't say,
Good morning, and I won't leave,
No matter what come,
And I am here to stay.
Maybe we both need to hear that for once in our lives,
Someone isn't leaving.

Colors are all I see.
I think of him and cannot close my eyes
without seeing his outstanding smile.
I hear his infectious laugh in the wind.
The jokes he made were always so funny...
I see his brightness in the Sun out my window.
The moon reminds me of him as well.
All of the colors in the world just
remind me of him and his beauty.
His life brought joy to those around him.
I miss him already.
I miss his laid back attitude.
I miss his goofy smile.
I miss his kind eyes.
I really miss his sarcasm.
Even though I did not know his favorite color,
I know that I see him in ALL of the colors
that exist in this world.

Even the ones I cannot see.
I miss you Juan, rest in peace.