I
became
frightened
because
I
thought
it
was
one
of
you.

One, two, I'm falling apart.
Three, Four, catch me, I'm falling.
Five, six, I don't want to get back to the start.
Seven, eight, help me, I can't hear you calling.
Nine, ten, I'm empty, like a fallen bird with broken wings.

when your perfect little daughter developed into something that wasn't quite up to your standards

you tried to fix her
you bought her healthy foods
and vitamins
and expensive skin treatments
and makeup
that she did not request
and you would wake her up from naps
and constantly tell her
to do all her homework
you
tried
to fix
every
little
flaw
but i wouldn't listen to you
so you tried to send me to therapy

BUT YOU WOULDNT TAKE ME WHEN I CONFESSED THAT I STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION
AND THAT I COULDNT HANDLE IT
AND THAT I WANTED SOME HELP
YOU WOULDNT TAKE ME
AND YEARS AGO
WHEN I STILL CARED
i requested the same things that would make my teeth whiter and my skin clearer
i requested them
but my life is not about my standards
you are trying to fix me

if you recall
when i was thirteen
i first confessed
my eating disorder
and throwing up after eating
and that my brother teasing me about my weight
wasnt helping
you did not try to fix me then
so *******
*******
don't dare try to fix me now
you may succeed in fixing my face and my hair and my teeth
and you may eventually convince me to listen to you
and get me
to lose some weight
stop sleeping so much
and staying up all night
you may fix all those things about me

but i learned how to be okay a long time ago
all by myself

so you will not fix me