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 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Eva Tongali
I started skipping meals again,
It’s honestly not a big deal.
Because just when someone notices,
They tell you how to feel.
I want someone to love me,
I need to feel that fire.
But all I’ve ever really known is how to be desired.
Because if they don’t like you,
There must be something wrong.
So here I am, replaying and repeating, the exact same song.
Because if someone likes what they see,
They are more likely to try it.
But I don’t want to be tried anymore,
For God’s sakes just buy it.
Because I’m not a cheap tester perfume with the paper thrown away,
And I’ve been treated like that almost everyday.
I started skipping meals again so I could be ideal,
I wanted to be seen as special,
I’m just trying to heal.
But maybe I don’t want to be seen anymore,
I can’t deal with anymore eyes.
So now I listen to this broken record,
Telling me societies lies.
I am beautiful and I can be happy,
No matter what they say.
You can always buy a new record,
Just as tomorrow is a new day.
this is inspired by what i think most girls, including me, go through.
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Lost
RELAPSE
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Lost
left all alone
to be strangled

tonight
I am Kitty Genovese

but my assailant
does not smother me
with the same hands
as hers

the fist of five curled fingers
punishing my throat

is connected with mine
we are one and the same

I kneel in the bathroom
left all alone

in sputtering prayer
over the toilet bowl

one hand untying the knots in my stomach
reaching down my throat to pluck them out
one hand holding back my hair

so tonight I am strangled
victim of my own hand
and tonight I am Kitty Genovese
as neighbors press their ears to the walls
to better hear my struggle
but don't dare knock on the door
Trigger Warning: References to bulimia
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
k
Old Friends
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
k
The scars on my hips have
withered away but still bear
the weight I have gained
and even if they are
"happy pounds"
I am not feeling the joy
of ******* the burden in
because I am too proud to
admit I have gone up two sizes
and no matter how hard I try
to take the weight off
my shoulders (stomach)
I only have the self control to
play games inside my own head
as if starving myself one day
will lead to skinniness the next,
as if I haven't led myself
down this path of destruction once before.
The soles of my feet,
raw.
Mile after mile, i run
To clear my mind, but deep down it’s to see how far away I’m able to get from this version of myself

My spine,
bruised.
Sticking out like thorns in a garden, piercing the skin
Every sit up brings me closer to pain.

Fingers and toes,
cold and brittle.
The blood does not flow fast enough anymore to keep me warm.
Once iron filled, now ghostly pale.

But
don’t you dare try to write me off 
as if I am completely broken
when all I am is cracked.

I will learn how to fill the missing pieces,
the parts that slowly dissipated behind closed doors.

Trust me,
I am worth salvaging.
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Fiona
BINGE
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Fiona
I'm a black belt binge eater
Undefeated diet cheater

In the fridge night and day
Doing what my tastebuds say

Racking the calories up like a boss
Teeth so busy got no time to floss

Fridge light on, fridge light off
Attracted like a dancing moth
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Mal
Fingers
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Mal
Take those fingers out of your mouth
Stop counting every calorie
You are not a mathematician


Because you always hated math
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
shil
They keep warning:
Love is CYANIDE.
It is lethal.

I keep cajoling:
It is OXYGEN.
The lack of it is.
 Nov 2019 maledimiele
Jim Davis
Supposing I were to die
With the rising sun
of tomorrow’s day
Would you know
Would you care
Probably not
It’s not you dying

©  2019 Jim Davis
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