And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't

I started skipping meals again,
It’s honestly not a big deal.
Because just when someone notices,
They tell you how to feel.
I want someone to love me,
I need to feel that fire.
But all I’ve ever really known is how to be desired.
Because if they don’t like you,
There must be something wrong.
So here I am, replaying and repeating, the exact same song.
Because if someone likes what they see,
They are more likely to try it.
But I don’t want to be tried anymore,
For God’s sakes just buy it.
Because I’m not a cheap tester perfume with the paper thrown away,
And I’ve been treated like that almost everyday.
I started skipping meals again so I could be ideal,
I wanted to be seen as special,
I’m just trying to heal.
But maybe I don’t want to be seen anymore,
I can’t deal with anymore eyes.
So now I listen to this broken record,
Telling me societies lies.
I am beautiful and I can be happy,
No matter what they say.
You can always buy a new record,
Just as tomorrow is a new day.

The soles of my feet,
raw.
Mile after mile, i run
To clear my mind, but deep down it’s to see how far away I’m able to get from this version of myself

My spine,
bruised.
Sticking out like thorns in a garden, piercing the skin
Every sit up brings me closer to pain.

Fingers and toes,
cold and brittle.
The blood does not flow fast enough anymore to keep me warm.
Once iron filled, now ghostly pale.

But
don’t you dare try to write me off 
as if I am completely broken
when all I am is cracked.

I will learn how to fill the missing pieces,
the parts that slowly dissipated behind closed doors.

Trust me,
I am worth salvaging.

Take those fingers out of your mouth
Stop counting every calorie
You are not a mathematician


Because you always hated math

They keep warning:
Love is CYANIDE.
It is lethal.

I keep cajoling:
It is OXYGEN.
The lack of it is.