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I don't tell many people about you
About how we met as kids
how you were my first kiss
after class behind the basketball hoops
about how I was in lust with you
for almost five years of my life
but you never let me have you
not completely, anyways
I could have you in your sheets
or the back of your car on a Friday night
no one knows about the bruises on my wrists
the black eye that I came home with
Oh that?
I fell and hit a dresser, clumsy me

No,
I don't tell many people about you.
We lived,
we breathed our childhood
like runaway trains,
hid our pains in frivolous antics,
created fantastic fantasy worlds.

Some of us were kings
others queens,
still others princes & princesses.
And we did not know excess,
pushing the limits of our existence,
insisting we were real
humans with real feelings,
only trampled on
by those we loved,
the ones we trusted the most.

And now
writing,
we are haunted by those ghosts
who ****** us.
My life has started taking,
A deep, dark turn.
And I’ve been crying so much cause of this.
It’s like a never going-away burn.

I’m starting to see the pain,
Of being forever perfect,
Or the pain of losing that one friend,
Or just being a silhouette.

My grades starts going down,
And my parents get mad.
They become disappointed,
And I get sad.

I go to school the next day,
Hoping to get cheered up.
But my friends don’t approach me,
And it’s like I’m in the “Loners’ club.”

I try to talk to my friends,
But they find me too boring,
Then they talk to others instead,
And my tears start invisibly pouring.

Some others try to talk to me,
But, I come off as awkward.
Then, I feel as though,
They’d rather be stuffed in a locker.

I try to walk alone in thought,
But it’s just so depressing.
I just want a friend that stays through all,
Instead of someone that will leave in just a second.

My life is just like,
A shadow in a corner.
I’m stuck there for a while,
And my life is full of horror.

No one cares about it,
And no one notices it,
But it notices so much,
And it just stays there and sit.

It’s quiet and dark,
But has so much emotion.
It wants light and love,
Because inside it's terribly broken.
 Jun 2015 Mackenzie Bourque
r l
An old memory came flooding back
Fast
Overwhelming
Unbearable

Conversations and events replaying in my head
Loud, overlapping memories and thoughts

Being called a ****
A *****
Time after time
By those I was closest to
When i was too young to know what they even meant

Friends ignoring me
Left me
Talked about me

Having to lie everyday about what happened
Hated by the entire grade

It haunted me for years
Even now

Took me years to gain my friends back
Just to have them abandon me again

Took me years to trust again
Just to have it broken

Seeing people-my past tormentors
Walking the hallways
Completely unchanged by what they did

It's amazing how some people forget about something
While others will remember it forever

People change
But sometimes, I wish they didn't.
Sorry, it's horrible. I just had this weird flashback from 1st grade and wanted to get my emotions out. I might delete it later,I don't know.  so, yeah.
 Jun 2015 Mackenzie Bourque
Holly
I often carry
On so much
Anger and sadness
That when something
Small goes wrong.
I break, and it
Makes people
Think i'm crazy.
But you know whats
Even more crazy?
Caring on all that
Without knowing
Which or who's
Direction to aim it at.
Can you hear that?
Time passing
Without a care?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Can you feel that?
Your time,
That's slowly running out?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Can you see that?
How long it's been
Since they texted back?

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Have you felt this?
Clocks slowly
Counting your days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds

Till you're gone
Listen to them

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Time is short
Make the most of it
You ask me
If I've considered suicide
Like I'm actually going to answer
Honestly

I mean,
What would I say?

Yeah that's all I think about
Please,
Put me on piles of medicine
So I can be crazy
As well as sad

But let me tell you
I most definitely
Have considered it

I've got the perfect tree picked out

It's got the perfect branch
For hanging yourself
There's a rope already attached

Or if you prefer,
It's easy to climb
You could always just jump

These are two options
But wait,
I've got more

There's a lake out back
It smells bad
But you could definitely still drown

Or better still,
There's a great knife in the kitchen
Really thin blade
But it's super sharp
For minimum pain
And maximum blood

Yet still,
There's more

I've got duct tape in the basement
You could make yourself suffocate

Of course,
You could use your pillow for that

There are the long ways

You could starve yourself
Sleep deprivation
Dehydration
Etcetera

So Mr.
"Psychological Doctor,"
I don't know...

Would you say I've thought about suicide?
Why do they even ask?
 Jun 2015 Mackenzie Bourque
bc
You will always end up hurt.
I do not care how strong physically and mentally you are,
there will always be tears shed and hearts broken.
Because you cannot do something so physically intimate and
expect it to not be mentally intimate.
That is like jumping off a cliff and hoping you don't fall.
You cannot make pretend love.
You cannot look at someone and see them as an object.
For they are not an object, they are human
Someone will fall, and they will fall hard.
They will spend their time praying that each kiss is real.
They will pray that its more than just physical.
They will pray that rough touches and loud moans are more than lust.
They will spend their time hoping and praying
that you will see them as more than a quick distraction,
but, darling, this is not a fairytale.
They will not fall for you all because you kissed them differently.
They will not see you in a different light.
For this started as physical and it will stay physical.

*(b.c)
No I have never been in this situation, but I know people who have
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