What does it mean to love yourself, when you left things off on the wrong foot? Stumbling over myself, I couldn't catch the words back in time, they had already slipped out. Now I'm tongue tied and my mind keeps jumping to what you might think of me. It's not my place to say, hell it's not really even my place to care... but I do anyway. Because I WANT you. The sight of your stature sends my blood coursing, the sound of your voice summoning a smile upon my face. Your being invokes these things inside of me, the truth of our meeting reflecting in the stars. I think of you every morning, the image bringing light to my soul like the sun you were born into. To bask in your rays and melt the ice encasing my heart, I'm reaching out, but I'm so cold. And I'm so scared. This place has been my home, my sanctuary, built to protect me from a world so ready to prey upon my underbelly. How do I know you're any different? And then my mind races from desire, to fear, to fear of the desire, because I know where this is all headed... it's nothing that you even did, nothing you could even help, your taste is just too sweet. Your beauty is intoxicating, putting me in a state of animal instinct. I try to stay unattached, lest I forget who I am, swirling in the madness your image whirls me in. To understand that my fear of losing your company exists, and to be aware that this force is self fulfilling is ******* twisting upon itself inside of me, and I just need some reassurance, because I'm ******* insecure, but that's intimacy I can't just ask you for... especially when I couldn't even bring myself to kiss you goodbye.

I can't take it back. All the agony we put each other through. I wasn't alone in the achievement, you see, it was a mutual decision. For so long I closed the doors, locked myself away from everything I had ever known, but how could you know what I was going through?! Or how could I know what I was doing to you.... it was selfish, and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm not sorry for taking the time necessary to grieve. I just wish we could start again... not start over, I don't ever want to step back into the past, but to take the things I've learned from yesterday's withdrawn eclipse and bring them to your light. But you're ashamed of me.... even worse, because the honest truth is that I left you behind, and it took the love of another to open my eyes and see that you had always been there for me. Sorry isn't enough, and I'm not sorry, because she's so ******* beautiful and without her I'd still be hiding in the shadow of my former self, but that's the position you deserve. I want to kiss you, and **** the poison that jealously is seeping into your heart, but you're too righteous, too realistic for romance at its finest. Kindness can only go so far... I guess my negative *** out ran you years ago. I'm sorry it took me this long to look and notice...

It's not too late to realize that your actions define what lies underneath the surface. This web of lies you've woven tight around my mind had me believing that I was in love. A spell brought forth before my very eyes, words invoking a feeling in my heart, just to be left out in the cold, starving for attention... But don't you mind me, I'll be fine, at least I'll be alive, and did I fail to mention that the very sight of your picture makes me want to find time to be with you... But you're with them... With HIM... Not that I believe it's wrong, I want you to be happy, but could you spare some effort for me? Occasionally?
  I finished the Honey this evening; the bottle that christened our first meeting. Tasting the sweet bite takes me back to that night. I held you tight as you dreamed, while my **** screamed in agony, yet my heart bleeds with longing. Yearning for a deeper connection, I claw my way closer to who you really are, not realizing how easy it is to scar... but I respect your boundaries, like anyone elses. And so, once again, I go without... without touch, without grace, and without love. Alone with you, lying next to me in bed.

A part of me, now, wonders if you'll ever hear the last verse I wrote for you.
A part of me wonders, how we'll ever grow to be more than words on paper.
A part of me, starts to consider walking away from the past; But,
A part of me remembers the spell I cast was meant to last forever.

You're too light hearted when I'm trying to be serious.
You're too distant when I'm feeling delirious.
You're always cracking jokes, while I'm trying to be honest
You're ******* with my hopes, while I'm trying my hardest.
You're leading me somewhere I'll never return from.
I'm pleading with you, can I leave a trail of bread crumbs?
Your maelstrom has already destroyed the past.
Your storm has already flooded the caste.
You're like the Wheel, spontaneous, yet ever present.
Thrice I tapped my heels, battling with resentment.
Where do I go, now that my home is in shambles?
You're already gone... at least, you left me my sandals.