I want the world in my hands,
But it's too dak outside for conquering,
I want to touch the stars,
But it's too cold outside for flying,
I need to feel the air,
But the wind will mess up my hair,
I need to hear the birds,
But I'm too afraid of getting hurt,
I want the grass under my feet,
But thorns are hiding out of sight,
I want to relax in the ocean,
But creatures are lurking in the night,
I need to feel the suns rays,
But it's too hot outisde today,
I need to go to school,
But the students there are cruel,
I haven't spoken in months,
Because I'm too afraid of getting hurt.

Her hands grew cold,
Her eyes stayed shut,
My heart it broke,
When her coffin, my hand touched,

My heart lurched when,
Her coffin touched the freshly dug dirt,
Roses thrown in after her,
Then they left, hearts full of hurt,

The house grew cold,
The sun didnt shine,
Her perfume filling my nose,
Memories of when she was still mine,

'You need to eat' they told me,
But how could I?
When I wanted to drink in her laugh and savor her smile,
But now all there is left is a question, Why?

Heavier and heavier the days grew,
My wrinkled hands grew cold,
My eyes stayed shut,
My heart she still does hold,

Two weeks after they had,
Clasped her wrinkled hands together forevermore,
They too laid mine one over the other,
While I still stayed yours,

Flowers followed my descent,
Prayers rang through the air,
The cries fade, as the footsteps do,
Dirt trapping me there,

And then suddenly the sun started to shine,
The birds chirped their happy tune,
And I, well i was with you,
On the day that our graves me.

Depression is gradual,
It doesn't start off looking in the mirror and thinking 'I hate myself'
It's more like every day you get worse and worse until eventually you realize how many times a day you fake a laugh,
It's the times you wanted to curl up into a ball but instead you fake a smile and act normal.

Depression is not self harm,
It isn't defined by the number of scars you have or how deep they are,
It isn't the nights spent crying or how your home life is,
It's feeling tired all the time and having this hole in your chest that no amount of fake smiles can fill.
It's nights spent staring at a wall or constantly sleeping because nothing is worth doing.

Depression is not romantic,
It can't be cured with a few hugs and I love you's,
It isn't scars to be kissed or bruises to be caressed,
It's nights spent alone even when there are people beside you,
It's emptiness and realizing that all of those things you used to do, that you used to revel in, aren't worth it anymore.

Depression is real,
It isn't wanting attention or someone to tell you everything will be fine,
It isn't wearing short sleeves so people notice your scars or telling everyone how sad you are,
It is looking at the casket of one of your friends because we didn't notice it, because no one saw the signs,
It's a noose around your neck 24/7 because that's all you can think about,
It's emptiness and loneliness,
It's sleepless nights but sleep filled days,
It is the worst feeling in the world,
Depression is real and depression kills

----------------


I don't see how you can walk through these halls with a smile on your face,
Because even after all of the struggles that you've faced,
They STILL think you're a disgrace,

Because you look in the mirror and you never like what you see,
But you take in a deep breath and count,
1
2
3

The scars on your arms,
They've mainly faded,
But I know how they came to be painted,
Because you used to go by a different name,
And they still call you that,
So when I say 'Derek' they say 'Derek who?'

Because you look in the mirror and you never like what you see,
But you take in a deep breath and count,
1
2
3

You look down on yourself and declare 'I am a boy'
Because your body gives you no other choice,
And poor Derek who used to go by another name,
You try to tell them but it's all in vane,
Because Derek the boy was born in the body of a girl,

And so you walk through these halls with a smile on your face,
Because even after all of the struggles that you've faced,
They STILL think you're a disgrace,

And  you look in the mirror and never like what you see,
But you take in a deep breath and count,
1
2
3