Emily

Emily Mar 2015

Fat

I'm disgusting from the inside out
Tormented by something that won't get out
A monster since my childhood
Crippling me with a disease
Convincing me that I'll always be ugly
Stuffing my face with everything imaginable
I'm growing by the minute
The fat comes on and adds to the filth
I'm so disgusting
It's something I'm aware of but I just can't fix
Something I always ignore
I'm used to all its tricks
I'll never get better
This monster will always have a home in me
For every step forward
I take three steps back
I can never win
I will always hate myself
I will always be this way
Gross, fat, and ruined

Emily Feb 2015

my desire

i want to be able to touch you
and feel special
i want to be able to touch you
and feel like i'm the only one
i want to be able to touch you
knowing that your body has been preserved
i want to be able to touch you
knowing that you have saved yourself for the right person
i want to be able to touch you
and feel like my hands were the first hands on you
i want to be able to touch you
and make you feel pleasure that you haven't felt before

*but i guess i can't

i wish

#love #relationships #*** #sacred #makinglove

Emily Feb 2015

don't give your body away

there are a few sacred things in this life
one of them is our body
it is not supposed to be used or abused
by those that don't know us or love us
it is not supposed to be touched
unless it is done so in love
in care and affection
and with the utmost respect

don't give your body away
without thinking
don't give your body away
unless you're mature
both mentally and physically
enough to understand what happens with your body
what happens when you experience the feelings that are associated with ***
unless you're old enough to understand love
understand that you shouldn't give your body away for just any reason

give your body away
if you wish to share love and intimacy
with someone who loves you unconditionally
with someone who has fallen in love with not just your body
but with your heart and with your soul
love should always come first

not really a poem i guess.

#love #relationships #*** #body #intimacy #used #abused

Emily Jan 2015

empty space

I roll over in this large bed
Only to see that the space next to me is empty
It is where you should be laying
It is where I should be able to look into your eyes
And show you how much I adore you with just one glance
But instead I catch myself staring at the emptiness
Trying to understand how my one true lover lives across the Atlantic
My vision starts to become blurry
My emotions start to run together
And I am left feeling numb and hollow
How I wish I could reach my hand out
And feel your body next to mine
How I wish to feel the warmth of your breath as we speak in close proximity
And as I imagine these things, I feel happiness for a split second
But no, my world is shattered and my heart breaks
As the sudden realization hits that you are not here
I cannot see you, feel you, or hear you
You are elsewhere
And I am here
Broken from our separation
Longing for the next time I see your face
Dreaming of the day that I roll over
And see my love lying next to me
Instead of this empty space

i miss you

#love #sleep #bed #relationship #goodnight #girlfriend #longdistance

Emily Jan 2015

distance

Pain is the feeling I experience
When she cries for me
Yearning for me to touch her again
I feel it too
The longing and the need to have her in my arms just one last time
Sadness comes over me when I see her brows furrow
Getting ready to cry
I feel so helpless being all these miles away
The memories we made carry me through every single day
And although this isn't the end
The distance between us is no easy obstacle to overcome
Our love is strong
The want is there
The need is shared between us
I just pray that the days go by quickly
And the nights pass easily
Until the next time that we meet again

I love you, my darling

#love #relationship #girlfriend #truelove #longdistance #soulmate

Emily Jan 2015

scary

it's a scary thing
to love someone more than you love yourself
to love someone more than you love anything

it's a scary thing
to need someone like you need oxygen
to need them so bad or else you'll suffocate

it's a scary thing
to want someone with every bone in your body
and you feel it in your muscles
you've come undone
you have to have them

it's a scary thing to devote every piece of yourself
and to commit every part of your life
to one person

you can't help it, though
that is love
love works that way
it's scary

it's scary because at any moment
things could change
and your whole world could come crashing down
your whole life will seem over
you will feel doomed
like you can never move on
you're suddenly out of breath
gasping for air
and that sickly feeling comes over you

i cannot live without you
please don't make me
it would be the end of me

more of just a stream of consciousness than anything else

#love #fear #relationships #streamofconsciousness #longdistance

Emily Jan 2015

rest in peace

Sometimes I wish you were looking down upon me
Sometimes I hope you can hear me
And see all of your friends and family
Missing you, remembering you
But I know that you cannot
For you are in a beautiful place
That knows no sorrow or sadness
A place that is not of this world
You are where you have always belonged
In a place where you deserve to be
A place full of happiness and peace
You know not of this earthly world
Full of sin, lies, and disorder
You're where there are golden streets
And pearly gates
With the beautiful sound of trumpets
And however much I wish you were here
Or could at least see me
It makes me happy that you've found your heaven
And the next time I look into your eyes
We will both have wings

in loving memory of my dear friend of 13 years, who died three years ago of a drug overdose