When you hear silence,
I hear millions of voices,
Too scared to speak out.
Too scared to lose everything.
Too scared because they are afraid that you’re going to hurt them.
Punch them, kick them, slam them into the lockers.
Stick their head into the filthy toilets.
Terrified to hear those homophobic slurs.
Yeah, the ones that seem to be the only thing in your vocabulary.
Petrified that they are going to get kicked out of their home.
That their families won’t love them anymore.
That they’ll never be accepted.

When you hear silence,
I hear all the voices that were silenced by death.
The words you use to make yourself feel “more like a man”,
Actually do cause significant damage.
They leave emotional scars that will never go away.
You make someone feel so horrible that they feel the need to make your life easier.
But it doesn’t.
Once they’re gone all you can think about is how much of your fault it is.

When you hear silence,
Try to think of all the voices that you can't hear.

Drip, drip, drip
Goes my blood onto the sparkling white porcelain.
Blood pooling from my arm,
running down to my fingertips.
The velvety red liquid making me feel something for once,
in this cruel heartless world of ours.
The blood loss making me feel light,
giving me release from the pain I constantly live in.
Giving me escape from the real world.
The blood is running down the sink,
leaving a trail of bright red.
I watch it go down,
like my spirits.
I look into the mirror and look at what I see.
A scared, hurt, ugly little girl.
One who knows too much pain and judgement,
at such a young age.
Why is it that society tells us that we are stupid, ugly, fat and worthless?
Making us feel so pathetic,
that we turn to alcohol, drugs and self-harm.
I look at the girl staring back at me and I begin to sob.
I see every imperfection, because that's what society has taught me to see in myself.
I clean up my arm and the sink.
Turning on my computer, I see two things;
Girls trashing one another and calling each other *****,
and people saying not to listen to "The Haters", that it gets better.
Turning off the social media,
I turn my gaze to the window and I begin to think.
Why does it matter what anyone else thinks?
Why do I always feel like this?
Giving myself a headache,
I get up to go get some alive.
I see my hookah pin.
In and out goes the smoke through my lungs.
The smoke forms a pure white cloud around me and I'm enchanced.
It all looks so pure and beautiful,
yet it is so harmful.
Just like your words that you throw around.
And once you let go of them, you can't get them back.
You make people feel pathetic and worthless,
even though we are SO much more than your words.
We are people who have been put through HELL,
yet we are still here and fighting.
You of all people can't and won't bring me down.
Of course, that's what I always say.
And yet, I go to bed.
Knowing that even when I close my eyes,
the cycle of hell I live in will continue to fling me around.
And it will all just repeat,
Tomorrow.

In today’s society, everyone ignores what the bible says about adultery.
They ignore what it says about divorce.
They ignore what the bible says about tattoos and *** before marriage.

Yet, when it comes to homosexuality, they remember every god forsaken line.
They hold it against me and everyone like me, as if it would change who we are.
It’s as if the bible (Leviticus 18 and 20) has become law, but ONLY for homosexuality.

But, even if you make it into the law, it won’t change who we are.
We didn't choose to be this way. We are who we are and it doesn't matter if you are screaming at us or whispering behind our back.
We love who we love, no law can change that.

You may say Adam and Eve.
I say, Adam, Eve, Steve, and the transgender man down the street.

You may call it homophobia,
But you aren't afraid of anything,
You’re just an *******.

Let me tell you the story of how I fell in love with all the little things you do.  Let me tell you how it started the night of our first car date, when you wouldn’t let me walk in the rain.  Let me tell you how grumpy I get without breakfast, and how you know that, so you’ll stop to buy me something if you know I went to work without any.  Let me also tell you how much it means when you cook me breakfast, and I get out of the shower and it’s done and waiting for me.  And let me tell you about when you tried so hard to make the magic toast your mom makes that I love, and you failed utterly, but how cute it was when I pictured your mom giving you that cooking lesson.  Let me tell you about your “good morning beautiful” texts and how I wait all morning for them, and they make me smile instantly every single time.  Let me also tell you about your support, and how much it means to have someone special always there cheering for me and my dreams, even when I’m not quite sure exactly what they are.  Let me tell you about how I hate both doing dishes and seeing them pile up, and when you did them for me that one morning I was so grateful.  And let me tell you how much I liked walking into the kitchen and seeing you there at the counter, because I got a glimpse of our future.  Let me tell you about the time you ran me a bubble bath and lit candles all around it and sat with me while I relaxed.  And let me tell you about the morning I left, thinking you were close behind me, but you stayed to hide little notes all over my house.  And let me tell you about finding those notes for a freaking month, and how each one made me smile and light up, a welcome reminder of your love.  Let me tell you about you washing my laundry on your day off, doing my chores when you should have been relaxing.  Let me also tell you, I’m not much of a flower-loving girl, but the evening I left work to find my favorite flowers sitting in my car was such a sweet surprise.  And let me tell you about when you dip me low and kiss me deeply, and how I’m kind of scared of falling but ****, is it romantic.  Let me tell you how I never know how to react when you start singing gushy songs to me because all I can do is blush-but baby, please don’t ever stop.  And let me tell you about the times I was oh so very sad and you put on music, took my hand, and slow danced with me until all I could possibly feel was loved.  Let me tell you how some of my favorite moments are in the car because you rest your hand gently on my leg as you drive.  And let me tell you about how I feel when we’re lying in bed wrapped around one another, legs like pretzels, and just as I’m drifting off I feel you caress my face, smooth my hair, and kiss me gently.  Let me tell you, I could go one forever about the little things you do, because I fall in love with you more every single day, with every little thing you do.

Next time
you find yourself
standing in line
think a little differently
step sideways
or back
and commit a very small act of rebellion

but

not when queuing
at a supermarket checkout
if your hungry

and not
whilst waiting
at passport border control
as trigger fingers may start to twitch

and it would be best
to avoid doing so altogether
at a public ******
where stepping sideways
or back
can be a risky business
even with the place to yourself

on reflection it appears
there is a time
and a place
for everything
even
very small acts of rebellion

although
it ought to be said

a rebellion
that knows no hunger

a rebellion
that challenges neither borders
or control

a rebellion
that overly concerns itself with
******* in the designated area

has probably
entirely
missed the point.

Do you ever get those days? When the only thought running through your mind is 'I want to go home'
But you are home. You are in your bed with lungs that don't feel like yours and a pulse that sounds more like a drum and you can't hear anything but your own intrusive thoughts and you want to go home. To a skin that doesn't feel like a strangers and to a heartbeat that doesn't sound like his or hers or theirs and you can't, you can't, you can't just simply 'Go Home.'

You came into my life
When all was lost
There was no moon,
the stars had died
and all around was darkness.

I had lost my heart, my soul
and in the black, lost my way
I couldn't see the road before me
I couldn't go, I couldn't stay


Then out of nowhere right before me
stood an Angel all aglow
Lighting the scary darkened path
and showing me the way to go

The stars came back, Heaven was lit
Behind me the moon began to rise
The path grew brighter and I could see
The Angel had opened my closed eyes

I don't know when that Angel left me
for she left as quickly as she came
but she led me from that forsaken path
and I knew my life would never be the same!

Can we start over?
Can we be strangers again?
Let me introduce myself
We can laugh and talk
And relearn what we already know
And come up with new inside jokes
And create new memories
And give each other
A second chance.