It's ok.
I don't mind what they say.
I hate me
More than they hate me.

Waiting for 11:11 in the morning
and staying up at night.
Watching for the first star
to come out at night
looking for shooting stars.
Just to make that 1 wish,
the same thing every time.
With just a small hope
it can come true someday.

When you say you're fine.
I know you're lying.
You're my friend
I know something's wrong.
Why can't you talk to me?
You may not know it
but I've been there too.
I've been depressed.
I've been so low.
I know how it is
to be alone.
I care too much
for you to feel it too.
So please just talk to me!
I worry about you.

Slowly dying
Slowly crying
Slowly giving up without even trying

I'm slowly anticipating what everyone else is afraid of

I'm slowly crawling towards insanity
I'm slowly weeping for sanity

I'm slowly wishing for a solace


I'm slowly hoping for release
From this hell bent place that's corrupting my belief
I'm hoping when I get what I'm anticipating
*I'll be free

Not ready to talk
So I keep
Walking into walls
That are too tough to fall
So they just wobble then stall
And they seem so tall
The suns just a memory
This winter is a death sentence
And everyone's dead to me
Just because I remember what has been said to me
Doesn't mean I have to scratch the words in my skin
I don't feel the wind
Because my walls block me in
And while the windows rattle
The walls won't bend

This isn't home.

Just because of an area code
Home is in the eyes that stare at these structures and see no demise besides acting surprised when they eat me alive
When I knew all along
Along for the ride
A **** or a pipe a priority
Above all
The majority **** y'all over anyway
So gimme good *** bud in plenty jays
And let my *** incinerate
No one to help inside this trap of myself
These walls become skin
When contemplating them

This isn't home.

Just because of an area code
Home is in the eyes that stare at these structures and see no demise
Just a task to adapt to
Blast through
And never come back to
Home is behind my eyes
Ones that don't need to know the what's or the why's
Or the length or the size
Just to get by
Ones that know I don't need to get high to see beyond these walls to know

*This isn't home.

I'll climb a thousand hills,
stumble on every rock,
fall on my knees and,
fight myself to stand back up,
again.

I'll hitch a flight,
on your dust,
across the milky way,
and wonder if,
you even know,
I'm heading in your direction,
Despite your solar wind.

You'll turn back and say no,
No, no, no, no,
So many times.
And I won't hate you for any of them.
I'll just shake my head and smile.
I'll follow your presence,
till the ends of time,
I won't hide myself,
Alone, anymore.

I'm nothing, nothing,
All humans are just,
Nothing.
Nothing.
But for you I'll be something.
I'll be myself and I'll find,
The place I belong,
At your side.

Nothing like demons
to keep me up at night.
I'm so stressed,
where is the light?
My brain wishes to shut down
but my eyes put up a fight.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

Nothing like work
that gives me anxiety.
With my mouth wide open
I scream so silently.
I rise from my bed
and I try to pace quietly.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

Nothing like thoughts
that make me talk to myself.
Always out loud
as I pace by my shelf.
Questioning existence and loneliness,
too much trouble for oneself.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

I know when I look in a mirror
when the world wakes in the morning.
I'll see deep, purple and black bags,
I know that's a warning.
And everyone will question,
but they'll never see me mourning.

They're not allowed to close.
I'm forced to watch it all.

As the first light
of the upcoming day,
graces me with it's presence.
I find my way
over to the now golden window.
With one deep sigh, i'll be okay.

They're not allowed to close.
I want to see it all.