you are the shots of ***** I wanted to take
in order to feel a certain bliss;
but I only feel the burning sensation down my throat,
the same way it felt when you said you didn't love me.

I don't want to know what this sad feeling is like anymore.

The significance of it taking over my life.

Does this mean anything at all?

This black hole caving in the pit of my stomach.

I can't be civil with myself.

I don't want to know what this sad feeling is like anymore.

I want to be more refined.

I want to be close to those who are apparently close to me.

I did everything for them but they feel nothing for me.

Reality is here and I don't want to face it.

I want to keep myself alive through my strengths.

But I don't know what they are.

I don't want to know what this sad feeling is like anymore.

Joseph,

These past 3 years I have been seeing you and talking to you about the difficulties with my parents and being happy with myself. I told you about how I am not happy at college and I am trying to transfer schools. But I had some time to myself today and I realized that it’s not this school that I am unhappy with it is myself. I love being alone; spending time watching Netflix or just roaming around to new places, but then I become lonely. I do not know how to fully interact with others and that scares the **** out of me. I try to be myself but there’s this massive wall with which only alcohol can put a crack in that others can reach me to. Kate is the only one who has put the biggest crack as if she can poke her eye through the hole to see me, but I keep patching up each crack the best I can. I don’t know how to let others in and I don’t know if I want people to reach me. I feel like I need to go away for a while to a place where others feel the same as I do. I try to think of places to go to where I can find myself but I keep thinking of staying in hospitals because the only other people that feel this way are ******* crazy.
I don’t feel like I’m insane but I need help.

Best regards,
Kristen

My favorite times with my mom
Were when she'd give me raspberry kisses,
And whirl me in the air as if I were a million dollars.
Now when I see her it's just empty wine glasses,
And making wishes that money was at the bottom
of the glass.

The memories we created are on repeat in my head.
The songs on the radio give me flashbacks.
You told me so many beautiful things,
That I recently found out were lies.
I was so happy when you called me on my birthday,
Until you told me you had a new girlfriend.

-*KM

I'm only eighteen.
the only makes it so fragile.
But I've lived through so much already,
It makes me feel like I should be
a lot older.

-*KM