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jay Feb 2017
sabi nila na ang soulmate mo ay hindi darating sa buhay mo ng mapayapa.
darating siyang may dalang rebolusyon sa kanyang bulsa
at guguluhin niya ang buhay mo sa unang sandaling magkaka tinginan kayo.

this is actually part of a spoken word piece i performed last year at an event. that poem is too long. ****.
jay Mar 2015
i was advised by my therapist
to take a new pill to make me
happy and energetic
but it's too expensive,
and apparently, too addictive.
i'm out of words to write
when i'm holding my pen,
but it's a different thing
when i sit down in a bus
and look at the busy people
do everything while i
daydream of you.
you saw me when i was invisible.
you saw me when i was in love with him.
you saw me when i was awkward
and you liked me anyway
while i saw you
in a different light.
i dont know if i should be
angry at you
or if i should be depressed.
even until now that we're just
people to each other,
i am still uncertain.
and i still see you in a
different light.
i'm losing my words and
i dont know why.
i have too many hopes and wishes
to let go
but i cant because
i can never label you
as a friend anymore.
but dont worry.
i'm still up for a chat
or a meal or anything.
which reminds me that time
you said you walked out on her
and it was a dramatic exit
out of her life.
and you didnt only get your belt back
because you also
got your heart back.
and here is your dramatic exit;
your quiet au revouir.
i need my heart back.

we could've broke every **** cliché
out there
but we were the biggest cliché
and you broke us
jay Mar 2015
there once was a boy who said i was different.
he made me feel different.
he made me feel wanted.
but he played with my heart and smashed it to pieces and
stepped on it over and over and over again.
he liked me when no one didnt.
he lied to me just like how everybody else does.
he told me other stories he already told to other girls.
he made me laugh when no one dared to.
he messed with my head and left a huge stain
just like how everybody else does.
he was the captain of my dreams and he sank the ship on purpose.
no one can replace him for now because what he did was crucial.
it hurt a lot and he didnt care
if i cried over him because he is used to girls
crying over how "unreachable" he is.
he was a magnitude 10.2 earthquake
and his aftershock is two times stronger because
seeing him nowadays destroy me and
he looks so happy.
he once asked me what i write
and i just said that i write words.
here is your answer,
i write about people like you
who can shatter and recreate my world in seconds.
if you're reading this,
i'm having a hard time coexisting with you.
because to me, what we had was my happiness,
but to you,
whatever we had was just an intermission number;
a page-filler;
a time-killer;
just another fling.
if you cant feel the same,
please do not forget about me
because i will never forget you.
thank you for making me feel different and wanted.
i bet you're an expert at it with other girls.
i hope you break more hearts throughout your life
so that i wont be the only one feeling this way.
i hope my thoughts of you will quiet down someday.
they're making me deaf.
my heart still beats for you.
i dont know when it'll stop

jay Mar 2015
what if i let you down
like how i let myself down?
what if i stay quiet
for the rest of my life
and only talk when
my words are truly needed?
what if i leave?
what if i throw these
irrelevant emotions away?
all this time,
i thought i was strong.
all this time,
i thought i wasn’t fragile.
all this time, i believed
that there’s more to
life than being sad but
what if you’re life
was meant to be sad?
i am a sad song
the sad song who no one
appreciates because it’s
too sad for people.
i am a storm.
a category ten storm
because i scare people
away and leave destruction
because i am destruction.
i am a war hero.
the noblest war hero that there
ever was.
the hero who is always
forgotten and only
remembered when i
should be remembered.
there is no chance
for me to get out of
this labyrinth called life.
there is no chance
for me to achieve pure
to achieve nirvana.
because how can i
achieve pure happiness
if my life was
meant to be sad?
i am on the verge
of letting go but
like the waves that
are crashing on the shore,
i keep coming back
for more

i'm sorry mom
jay Jul 2017
you opened your umbrella and told me i was the prettiest soul in the world
even though i was ******* sure my soul was the most terrible soul out there.
but your reassuring smile gave me goosebumps.
and that was the moment i fell in love with you.

i opened my umbrella even though i was close to where i was going to meet up with my best friend
and i realized that you were telling the truth about my ****** up soul
and so there i was, smiling like a dumb idiot,
holding a blue umbrella under the rain.
and that was the moment i realized that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

you opened your umbrella and walked away
when you saw me under a different umbrella with a different guy.
and you walked alone to your house,
oblivious to the storm circling around you
and the clouds that told you the truth:
i didn’t love you anymore.

i opened my umbrella even though i wanted to walk in the rain
because he told me i’d get sick and he didn’t want that to happen.
but i remembered the time we danced in the rain
and we looked in each other’s eyes and found home,
and i wanted so badly to dance under the rain
while you were dancing somewhere far and drowning in liquor
that didn’t help you forget about me
but it made you feel less numb than you already were.
and then two days later, i got sick.
my darling, i danced in the rain because it reminded me too much of you
and all i got was a bad case of coughs and colds
that until now, live within the cobwebs buried in my chest.

731 days after the day you asked me if i could be yours forever,
i walked under the rain and thought to myself:
i am the most terrible soul in the world
because i
and all that is left of you
is the ******* rain
and this ******* pain.
and this is the moment i dream of you as i drift to sleep.
happy what-could’ve-been-our-two-year anniversary.
jay Jun 2017
i cant help but think
that right now,
somewhere in the world,
someone is listening to the same
song i am listening to,
someone is also reading the same
book i am reading,
someone is feeling the same
sadness that i am feeling.
but i like to think that i am the only
person who feels this way right now.
it's strange,
how big this universe is
but you were the only person who made it
feel as small as a classroom
when you looked at me for the first time
and thought that i was pretty.
it's terrifying,
how salt looks like sugar
or how satellites look like shooting stars.
these lies are so natural
but i never really understood the art of hurting people
so i created a lie that seemed so natural
so that i can leave you
with dreams and wishes we made together
for someone who never really understood me.
it's heartbreaking,
how in love i am with you
even though you are no longer mine
and will never be mine again.
and i cant stop thinking and talking
about you
even though we are miles apart.
i dont even know where you are.
i cant help but think where you are
and if you're happy.
but the thought of you being happy
is enough for me to live another day,
less sad than yesterday.
my love,
i hope you are happy.
and he is.
jay Mar 2015
he was fascinated by heroes so much
that he became one.
he protected the city at night
and never failed to save me.
he wore his mask everyday
just to keep his real identity
hidden from the treacherous world.
but one day he took his mask off
and was blinded by opportunity.

he was fascinated by villains so much
that he became one.

jay Jun 2017
my dear,
if we are not meant to be together in this life,
i will find you in another life.
i promise.
jay Feb 2017
after nights of coffee
and staying up late,
and books and games
that consumed our time,
something ended between us
without even saying a word.
and now i long for you
and your touch
and i am completely infatuated.
i am completely incomplete.
my heart aches for you
and my body is like shattered glass.
the endless ruins of my mind
wont even allow me to escape.
and i am completely devastated.
i am completely terrified.
but you continue to flick
the ashes from your cigarette
and stand tall with all your glory.
and you walk the halls like
nothing matters
but the truth is that
you still love her.
and i am completely fine.
i am completely hallow.
and this is my final attempt
for walking away from this.
whatever this is.
whatever we are.
and i am completely happy for you.
i am completely done with you.
because darling,
i have always been yours
but you were never mine from the start.

jay Feb 2017
oh, to be young and stupid
and truly reckless!

these are the best and worst years of our lives.

jay Aug 2015
i dreamt of a familiar sight
i woke up to a familiar scent
why are you in my head?
i like that you're in my head

i tasted a familiar taste
i heard a familiar voice
why are you in my head?
i hate my lonely bed

your name on my skin
i can feel a touch that's yours
i see the world in black and white
but with you,
every **** thing's in color

i want to stop getting drunk
because it hurts my head
the smell is like a stain on my bed,
i hate the taste now
and i miss you

i want to be sober but i cant
because alcohol makes me numb
i know i shouldn't run from
the taste that i hate
and i miss you

i see you in the streets
i can smell you on my shirt
please get out of my head
i hate that you're in my head

the taste is getting lost
i can hear your voice surrounding me
please get out of my head
and fall asleep on my bed

your name on my skin
i can feel your hand in mine
you always wanted a vineyard in italy
but now i hate the taste of wine

i want to get drunk every night
because i like the pain in my head
your scent is like a stain on my bed,
i hate the taste now
and i miss you

i dont want to be sober anymore
because i want to be numb
but i cant run from
the taste that i hate
because i need you
jay Mar 2015
the thing about life
is that some people arent meant for each other
and i have to live with that
while you walk the halls
with her wrapped in your arms

jay Feb 2017
ang kwento nating dalawa
ay parang sigarilyo:
sa bawat ihip ng hangin na dumadaan,
konti-konting nawawala.
at sa bawat hithit mo,
nakikita kong nagiging abo and sigarilyo
at pagkatapos **** ubusin ito,
kukuha ka ulit ng bago.
kung sakaling magbago man ang isip mo,
hindi ka kukuha ng isa pa,
pero wala.
wala kang pakialam kung ika’y
magka-kanser dahil ang mga yosi mo
ay nagpapakalma sa iyo.
sana nalang naging yosi ako
para magkaroon ako ng halaga sa iyo
at kasama mo ako
sa tuwing may pinag-dadaanan ka
ngunit sa katotohanan,
ako ay tanga
na pinapanood kang malunod
sa iyong mga sigarilyo,
at sina-sarili ko
ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa iyo.

ang kwento nating dalawa
ay parang sigarilyo:
alam kong hindi mabuti sa kalusugan ko
ngunit gusto ko pa rin.
at sa bawat hithit ko
dahan-dahan akong nawawala sa sarili ko
at sa mga mata ****
bumubulong sa akin na
“hinding-hindi magiging tayo.”

jay Aug 2015
with every word

and every truth

i say

about your eyes and your hands

and your face,

a billion butterflies in my stomach

let loose
but it is i you did not choose

— The End —