You walk with your head down
I follow with my eyes closed
I think my happiness produces a sound

You taste like burned chocolate because sweet things fade first

I don't need you to tell me I have value

I loved you more each day so I stopped counting

One minute I was fine
Then I just stopped breathing

As usual, I am getting over you like a cold

You are more real than a Friday that never comes

How many hearts do I have to break before I feel complete?

love starts out as snow flurries then turns into blizzards

Would you believe me if I said I was okay?

I am sorry for the words that I clipped short

trap me in a song
or perhaps a simple note
scrawl down love for me

I don't care what you have to say
as long as you say it to the right person this time

I told a boy that sometimes
I like to watch a rom com
Or play sad alternative music
And have a good cry
Sometimes I just want to feel something
He hugged me and asked if I was okay
Two hours later he ended things
And sited the girl with the red silk sheets
If I had known
It would have always been no
But I’ll play another rom com
And turn up the music
And cry alone in my room

8:02
It was the time that I thought of you
Your laugh, your smile
Its all so cliche

8:05
And now my mind is raging
I miss you, I need you
If just for a day

8:07
Now my soul is aching
My heart is screaming, its breaking
I'm falling apart in every way

She falls asleep
with make up pressed from eyes, and lips, and skin
transferring to a pillow
lashes upon her being
lacking its protectionist layer
file a lawsuit
missing it’s case
she didn't care

(How much can it hold?)
Lawyers won’t take
chances on a basket case
And parents follow suit
She only woke twice that night
In case you want to know
abstract dreamers can't take form
when visionaries lock them in silent nights
Suit yourselves

I just want you to know that someone loves me, even if it isn’t me right now.

I turned right
And she was left
But we grew up
Down the same cul de sac

the boy sat in the grass
stars of old talked down to him
whispering into the night
"your existence is necessary"
palms pressing into the earth
he looked back up into the void and pleaded
"but is my purpose futile?"
a polite protest
the stars twinkled in response

Take a sip
Lean back casually
Open arms
Lazy smile of warm complacency
Allow eyes to dance captivating
Enough to cloak the cracks to the left
Focus on my pleasantries
If I pay them no mind it will be enough
Outsiders drift attention
No no no don’t look behind the curtain
Ask me another question I don’t care enough to craft a real answer
Two ears for a reason
conversations to follow
Face forward failing to distract
Another church scene ruined
The crowd thins
Voices of hysteria rise
Broken
Judgement
Take another sip
I’ve lost count

everybody visits.
come
sit
join me under the breezeway
isn't the sunset lovely?
stay for a while, I'll pull up an extra chair
lazy smiles
Sunday vibes
our feet kicked up and arms thrown back
they beam
"Oh, I could stay here forever!"
but they don't
and the sun progressively dips
reclining behind our vantage point
the other side of the mountains
and they go to follow it
Leaving me with the dusk and my thoughts until the next day comes with it’s slew of visitors

his isolation was over-won by desperation
and he couldn't fit in, instead to conform
he tried to stand out
the outcast, alone.

they laughed, the feared, they snickered
"I'm going to drop kick him," one said
a mouth once full of praise now
barring teeth that housed a two-sided tongue.

my body is deteriorating
faster than my thoughts of you

college applications asked for essays on a single word
my sister chose "is" and I forgot
I wonder which word would have led to my acceptance

described as smart, witty, sharp
Mrs. Hobbs said to never use "very" as an adverb
she was very right.

Put me on your pedestal
my white knight, saving grace
lead with sinful condemnation
cast out with lustful adoration
but at least if I'm objectified
I would be somebody's prize

Don't get into that car I scream
But I am trapped on the opposite side
of plastic window panes
Don't take her away
she's barely sixteen
all alone this time
(God, I'm glad its not me)
Don't get into that car I whisper
to a black Toyota Camry
sitting in the street
waiting, just waiting
for its quarterly visit
Don't get into that car I exclaim
to a black and white bumper sticker
that says "read" in chunky (ironic) block letters
Don't get into that car I choke out
to the four wheeled death trap
that takes away my sister
on an eight hour journey
back to childhood misery
that I myself
have only just aged out of
Don't get into the car I say
to the exhaust that's left in my sister's
wake.
(knowing it will make no difference)

I toe lines that I probably shouldn't
drawn into the sand
my soles are burning
rubber melts to the ground
on which I stand
stride or step
I cross over
every time.

damp hair hits goose bump shoulders
perched in the middle
crossed leg sitting
two comforters can't keep company
rain lost to headphones
rest's reign in protest
lulls of forbidden silence
bare skin bears reality
fighting secret demons in the dark
achy joints weighed down
on a queen sized mattress  
gravity has more pull than sleep
is it lightning or digital clocks that
strobe white flashes?

I've read about blue eyes
Compared to:
Light,
Gemstones,
Water,
But dear lord I did not know
That he inspired them all

I am a kaleidoscope of color
Refracting spectrums of images

You know,
some days I just feel
alone and fat
Today was one of those days.

Crystal eyes
When water swells
from tear duct wells
Spring in cyan blue
Grey remnants of the last
Few black mournings
lost in ash, tarnished
used.

I wear sunglasses during thunderstorms in a vain attempt to protest the weather
I might as well be colorblind for the way I see the world
Snapping photos with no understanding of shutter speed and lenses yet still capturing it all
It’s a lie when I tell you I’m quiet and I really just like listening as you talk
I care but without telling stories of my own the love is never really there
At times I fold in on myself
But when you truly see me, I am vibrant in my efforts
Though tragically living
for the attention of strangers
I will move for your affection
jump with a flick of your wrist and fall at the jolt of your chin to the beat
Enthralled in a hopeless attempt at rhythm but I will dance and swing because I love it and then debate my independence or selftitled complacence
Walk the rope of possibilities not a choice but a misstep to guide my momentum into whatever chapter comes next
Scared of silly things like truck drivers or dying or whatever
Thinking outside the box is hard when you spend your days in a room full of cubes
I find my creativity stifled by the human need for sleep and yet here I am giving 50 percent at everything all the time never less, BE MORE
That’s not quite enough, but hey, it’s a start

external stand alone thoughts suppressed
in hidden chambers
while two lungs compress
themselves into misshapen vases
where the pressure comes not from above
but growing in various amounts, needless
attacking slowly through angles
worming its way up through my skin
heart strings embroidered into an array
of emptiness finally drawn out
****** to the surface, the internal exposed
suddenly gone
only to inhale again.