I'd give anything
To smile again
To see happiness
Within myself
Instead of a painted grin

There was a time
Long ago
When things seemed right
And I didn't have
To fight every waking moment
To stay alive

Now, I'm stuck here
Wondering why
While the world
Feeds off of my lies

They never question
The words I say
They never care
To see my pain

So I go through life
Wearing my painted grin
Hiding so many secrets
Behind a life of sin

Tongue tied
And butterflies

Twisted words
And hateful lies
Can all mean the same thing
If there is nothing
Behind the words

Tongue tied
You are afraid to speak
Fearing that she might
Possibly reject you

Butterflies
Fill your chest
Everytime you're near her
So you give her your very best

Twisted words
Have got your mind
Racing to understand
Their meaning

Hateful lies
Decrypt the way
She feels for you
Deep down inside

Chasing
A dream
That can be harder than it seems

There was a time
When I was Young
That I wanted to be
Just like my mom,
The cosmetologist

I grew up
And killed that dream
Because it doesn't pay well

Then I wanted
To be a famous musician
And play in a band
With all of my friends
and for some time I did

That all ended
When I reminded myself
That catching fame
Is like catching a star
Something so close
Can only be far

So I started to draw
My own manga
Started to write
My own stories
Knowing
No one would ever read them
Knowing
No one would ever care
Not once did I try to
Make a life from it
Because living out of stories
Wouldn't get me anywhere

So now I am to be
a medical coder
Chasing something that is
Not at all what I wanted to be

Sometimes
You've got to do
What you don't want to
To get by

Often times
I find myself
Floating beneath
The waters surface
Desperately needing air
But it's hard to do
What it takes to survive

We live
In a life
Filled with hate
Filled with the lack of care
To see if we make it out okay
How much calamity
Need we face, until we get it?

Nothing will change
Because we are the change
And we refuse to do it ourselves

So I'll sit here at 2 a.m.
On my lunch break
Feeling lucky that I can even
Have enough hours to get one

She was born
Some time in spring
On the year I graduated
I was still in school
When my parents split

My brother
Was off "playing solider"
As my dad would say
Doing things the army way
He didn't know
Until he got home
That my mom had left
She took me with

My mother
Made me keep
Our move a secret
I wanted to tell dad so bad
Wanted to warn him
Of the misfortune ahead
I didn't even want to leave
I was caught in the middle
of everything

My father
Tried to make things right
But my mom wouldn't have it
I was all alone in a new town
No friends
I felt as if I were stranded
Or cut off from everyone I loved

Then she came
Some time in spring
She stole my heart
Almost instantly
Something so pure
Was hope to me
A new baby kitten

I named her Azrael
After the angel of death
And she was an angel to me
Not long after, my aunt died
And she was all I had

Then The time came
To come back to my dad
I left my mom behind
My dad didn't like Azzie
But let her stay

I would love her
Brush her and sing to her
And she followed me
Everywhere I went
We were so close
Me and my angel

She grew Ill over time
Became so thin
And was losing hair
Living in a basement
Began to take its toll

My father told me
To take her outside
And find her a home
I couldn't keep her anymore

But the fresh air
Healed her
But she still has to go
I never want to part
With my angel
For, she never left me
When I cried for my aunt
She never left me
When I felt regret
She was all I had
After I'd lost everything
Now, to keep her,
I'd give anything