This place is so white.

Boisterous applause
on the black of the pan,
bubbling eager
for bayou born hands.

Dark dusty skin
like the soil of homelands,
spiced with the method
of mother of mother.

White men on crosses,
black faces in photos,
of family from graveyards
or just beyond grasp.

exhausted linoleum,
faded by traffic,
of church shoes,
and paw pads,
by ambles
and drawls.

Words
form tight
and wild curls,
like the hair of
my father, or jesus, they
stumble from my lips and leap
into anxious air. I don’t know what
face they’ll wear until they are long gone.

My room
is full of elephants.
Trumpeting prophets,
whose footprints have been lost
in the gusts of greens and groggy eyes.
Or thrusts of thought pumping jagged sighs through lips left ajar.

My face
is full of fleshy hands,
to hide in when the sand is dropping.
standing water lullabies, my mind’s collecting flies.
Pillow fists and sheets to choke, my skin’s already turning blue.
With wistful tunes from ceiling fans, I’d rather stay in bed alone.

My eyes
are ****** yet again.
With salt at least Its genuine.
But fruits fermented, grass ablaze at least I can escape.
Id love to hide, to run and run, I see myself hitting the ground.
To scrapes and scraps of memory from nerve endings gone limp.

This room
is full of elephants.
I try to cover ear canals.
This silence is uncomfortable and I look down the ledge.
I hate to be a ****** and I never mean to ruin nights,
but if I stand alone tonight,
I’m terrified of what I’ll do.

Trumpeting and trumpeting,
please dont leave me in this place.
Im clumsy and can’t trust my feet,
I’m aiming for the grass.
To hug me as I contemplate,
the dawn is a cacophony,
and Im just getting home again,
to feeling out of place.

Shh
Wandering tongues lynch themselves before thoughts can slip into words
pupils impregnated by motionless anticipation
and the fluttering of flies on the corpses of stomachs
don’t stutter
don’t stutter
don’t stutter
shhh
Calm
let glands spew waterfalls down brows
and browse for options yet remain still, remain silent
I was always taught to
shhhh
retreat to familiarity, fermenting in the stagnation of bedrooms
and errant thoughts, and regrets, and remembering
I don’t think this is going to work out
I dont think this relationship is healthy for us
I think we should
shhhhh
close mouths so the belt welts bruise less
You are simply fleshwounds to blues and blacks  that bubble beneath skin
eyes low, chasmic, crimson, grin and giggle
follow footsteps to paper faced ledges and the defiant plume of burning leaves
Ive grown to love
shhhhhh
Schwinns and wind, and ballooning confidence
headphones hugging haphazard hairs scent of remnant shampoo particles
and hungry breath, peppermint camouflage so lips can kiss scars
craving solid land while lost in waves of stone
distant skin and grin and eye contact
Ive grown tired of
shhhhhhh**
winding car rides, surrounded by noise
playing the quiet game