and who knew it'll be like this again?
who knew that there were still faint embers?

the young fire still burns, I see

sometimes I wish I had another story to tell
and sometimes, some days, I just don't care
(but I really always do)
and I want you to know how you've captured my heart
but I am muted,
I am paralyzed
by your charm,
by your smile,
your ******* smile I find myself lost in,
by your kindness and by your beautiful soul

and sometimes I wish to break the sacred space
between us but it's alright,
I'm fine sharing with you this comfortable silence.
or maybe I'm just used to this
and I kind of wish I wasn't like this
and it's the reason why these nights seem so long,

because I can't say I miss you when I absolutely do.

i spend my days lying down, motionless
for hours, staring at this too familiar ceiling

i spend my days doing nothing, brought by
a crippling inability to speak what I mean
or do what I wish (on things that matter
most to myself)

i spend my days reacting to your slightest movement,
with a doll's passivity bordering on disgusting

i spend my days being a mere watcher, a witness
to the wonder of how beauty grows

you are a sight to behold
and it must be such joy to be held

but i'd rather spend my days lying down, motionless
trying **** hard to dream of you
(but only nightmares come through)

int. bed

you can't remember when you woke up. dragged and feeling drugged, you spend your days in a state of being half-awake. life has become too bothersome.

int. living room

afternoons where the light enters the jalousie windows has always been a delight. it's probably a good thing you are still delighted by some of the little things in this world.

ext. stairs

at a young age, you've hurt others (unintentionally?) and learned how to lie, trying to save yourself from the annoyance and shame of being physically and emotionally hurt. you sly devil, you.

ext. the yard

there's a faucet left open, creating a stream where the leaves and dirt are washed away into the sewers. the water's flow is perfect for launching paper boats to their one-way trip to nowhere.

int. bathroom

the dark green tiles of the room is growing increasingly dark thanks to the amount of cigarettes you smoke inside, trying to know peace by locking yourself in cramped space. it does not help.

ext. the streetlamp outside the gate

cold kisses from the wind soothe you after rounds of tomorrow's regret. beneath the pale moon, you dance with your shadow, alone, miserable but happy. the recurring sadness brought on by these nights has been a part of your life for so long that you welcome it with open arms like a friend.

The purity of sadness, the cold silence.
Dead unloving eyes that lost faith.

I’ve faded.
You’ve waited.
I’m wasted.
You’ve left.

I found happiness in solitude
and you found another.

An incessant rain
brought everything
to a standstill.

At the moment time stood still,
my sight became
dotted with stars
and got lost in the land
of forty winks.

the crashing waves were an embrace.
my battered body, your glistening eye.
our hearts beat
in time to the rise and fall of the tides.
from this beach,
we look out into the future.
"let's live underwater"
"I will take you where only I know you &
nobody knows our names."

soon after, we were dancing
inside our own universe.
the stars are trembling in anticipation
for every kiss, every caress, and
every touch that we give.

"Take half of my heart.
Wear it like a ring.
This is a promise,
a promise of love that
creation conspired to create."

I wake up.
I wake up to the steady drumming
of the rain on the windows.
I wake up to a night where the
skies empathize with the surge
of feelings.

I wake up to the cries of heaven.

I was born into this world with eyes of ruby
these eyes that burned bright with love and rage,
the fiery all-consuming passionate threads.
To see the world in violent flashes of color
is to live in a whirl of passions.

it's day like this (with those grey weather skies)
that I wish I was a cat
so whenever I'm cold,
or you feel the gloom,
I know that I could walk up to you
and snuggle on your lap
or you can hold me in your arms
and I will sleep soundly, knowing
that this is home.