Remember a year ago

When I was
Caught and
blindsided?

Emotions clouded over,
And I struggled every day.

Days I spent crying,
And it took me a while

To realize it was
For all the wrong
Reasons.

There’s no need
To keep the weight
On my shoulders

But I let it keep me
Down,

Back into
Familiar ground.

I kept diving deeper
Until I finally drowned

Back into the past

Before I took hold
And turned it all around.

Vision seeing double
The light inside,

Flickering
And fading

I realize if
I don’t do
Something
Now

I’ll spend an
Eternity in trouble.

It took a miracle
To wake me up

It took a miracle
To recover

I’m ready to move
Forward, separate
And sever

The past forever

And move on with
My life

Carefree.

Years have passed
And I finally see
With my eyes open.

Years of misery,
Tears, enough
To cry at a funeral.

I was in a comatose,
Waiting for someone
To bring me to life.

You were the one
I wanted and

You were right there
The whole time.

And that’s when
I knew,
At that moment,

Everything
Would be alright.

Back then,
We both went

Our own paths,
Made our own plans,

But somehow we
Crossed paths.

And now, loneliness
Is a feeling that’ll
Never last.

Years have passed,
But I can finally
See,

You were the one,
Meant for me.

I have my doubts,
Dreamin’, always
In the clouds.

But dreams aren’t
Reality, and already

It feels I’m lost in
The shadows.

I only wanted
To be part of
Something,

I only wanted
Everything and
In-between.

But life is about
Battles we pick
And choose,

And already,
I feel I’m going
To lose.

Doubt in self,
Everything and
Everyone else.

Already pulling
Me under, right
Beneath my skin,

My heart is bleeding,
For all the wrong
Reasons.

People come in
My life for a reason,

Some last a lifetime,
Some leave before

The change of the
Seasons.

But doubt persists,
And already I know
How this will end.

I still have my doubts,
Always dreamin’,
Always in the clouds,

I'm always
Running for cover

And riding the storm
Before the rain

Enshrouds me
In the darkness

Before I have a
Chance to recover.

you can’t say
you’ve lived

until you’ve
truly tried.

you can’t say
you gave it your
all

until you’ve
given everything
you’ve got

and fight.

[…]

years spent,
paralyzed

tired of myself,
everyone else,
and all the lies

i spent my days
wondering,

will
somebody help
me

before i meet
my demise?

neon sunset,
fade to black,

black and white
silhouettes dancing,

overexposed memories attack,
reminding me of a time

when i was barely alive.

(somebody help me
before i meet my
demise.)

two years in,
i can imagine

a life without
you in it.

for too long
you held on
like a ghost,

a hellish prison.

never letting go,
never setting me
free.

but i learned to
move forward
without you.

i learned to
break the chains.

like a dream,
a wake-up call,
a realization:

how many times
do i have to
hurt before

i’m accepted
for who i am?

You talk like you own me  
But the past is messing  
With your head.

A long-standing crush,  
One-sided and so  
Destructive.

You've fallen in a  
Pit of despair.

Instead of focusing  
On yourself,

You left me broken  
And bruised

And I don't know  
What to do.

It's got me feeling  
Hopeless

I'm lost and  
Confused,

You're getting  
Under my skin.

I didn't ask you  
To bleed for me

Your focus  
Is so obsessive

I'm one step closer  
To the edge of  
Cardiac arrest.

I only wanted to  
Live and let go,

But you're still  
Stuck in the past,  
Stuck inside yourself

Not making any effort  
To do better and rise above  
This and help yourself.

They say to not
open old wounds

When the heart
is longing for
something more

What else do you
have left to lose?

The world is spinning
slower when your world
comes to a halt.

But I want you to know
it's not your fault.

Emotions are a roller-coaster:

The ups and downs,
looping around until
you've reached your stop.

There's no set destination,
and you've got nothing
but your imagination

Leading you places,
you never thought
you'd go.

Just take it slow,
and everything will
fall in place.

It's not a race,
just take it
at your own pace.

So, when they say to not
open old wounds,

And the heart
longs for something
more,

Don't be afraid to
open new doors.

I didn't mean to start
the violence.

Something inside
me broke, and

I came alive.

Releasing the anger
within,

Knowing no matter
what I do, I can't win.

Can't please the detractors;
scars have barely faded,
and look at what they've created:
a walking disaster.

Basking in the fire,
the walls keep closing in on me,
and the flames keep climbing higher
and higher.

The anger rising,
a tide of fire,
the monster inside,
tired of the lies
and neverending disaster.