'Tis but a lie,
Said the man to his whiskey,
Salt and Pepper flakes,
Long beaten his face away.
He looked up and said,
Oh she spoke,
About leaving, going away,
goodbye and good riddance.
'Tis but a lie, he grinned.
The whiskey never answered.

The wife looked up at her husband,
She couldn't see clearly,
Surely he didn't strike her,
He loved her, he said,
she felt, they had kids together,
It's fine, it's a bad night,
'Tis but a lie, she thought to herself.
Her mind soon went blank.

The motherless boy walked through the streets of Berlin,
Alone, but guided, but instinct,
through the long red district,
You'll find your mother here,
He was told. He found her here, there, everywhere,
His little boy eyes, were never so wide,
full of unspeakable things, as they laughed,
and he died inside,
"Your mother," Said the ******,
"Why she
'Tis but a lie."

The old man was in his bed. Alone.
He thought back to all those years ago.
From the streets of Berlin,
to the wife he beat out,
to the whiskey he enjoyed, on the bar that night,
Had he ever been happy?
He thought long and hard,
and a tear almost tore out but,
he smiled, told the shadow,
"I'm very happy today,
'Tis but a lie,
My whole ******* life,
'Tis but the biggest ******* lie."
And he died, not too long thereafter,
He died and,
Uncaring the world,
kept spinning away.

Oh nothing makes me happy,
******* creating for days,
Biting gnashing, laughing dying,
Selling always selling,
Oh and you, you'll buy today.

BUT YOU'LL REMEMBER ME WHEN I'M GONE.
OH YOU WILL REMEMBER ME BY MY SONG.
YOU'LL SING
"JOHN ASHTON UPSTON YOU
FOUGHT FOR ME,
THE COLD STARE AT THE END OF THE PITCHER
REFLECTING BACK AT ME
THE EMPTY FEELING OF
AN EMPTY STOMACH
AN EMPTY MIND
A BROKEN HEART
ALL FILLED WITH BLOOD,
AND WE CAN DIE TOGETHER,
OH JOHN WE' DIE FOREVER,
AS LONG AS YOU LAY DOWN,
NEXT TO ME,"

And I'll hear it, softly.
It might even look like I'll,
Smile.
But that was a lie.
Before I died on the outside,
I was long dead inside.

The laughter reached my eyes,
Anyway.

Something about the cold.
Always makes me feel alive.
Even when otherwise,
I am dead inside.

Oh somewhere in the chill,
Is a will that hits the air,
A subtle sweetness, a fair
dream resounding here.

In my mind...
Blank spaces fill the gaps,
oh the universe is infinite, and nothing,
withing my synapses.
Hiding here, the greater fears,
of many people, many cultures,
many wordless wonders,
the newborns eyes look up,
blankly, oh yes, the void,
waiting, patiently,
calmly, emotionlessly,
just destiny. Hungry.
Ever fed, ever full,
every growing, ever receding,
cycling, spasming, living, dying.
All truth, all lie. All residing in here,
The darkest corners of my mind...

And then the cool breeze comes in,
Softly, sweetly, laying on,
those silly electrical currents upon,
nothing really exists anon.

Neither here nor there,
now nor later, just ok.
Just fine.
I feel less like Legion and more like one.
And it feels good.
I feel, alive.

It's been a while now since,
Whatever we are whenever we are together,
Disappeared, again.
There are no side things this time.
No plan B.
My life is a lot more empty, yes,
indeed.

It's not that complicated,
though my cursed mind must make it so,
It's easy now, being numb, being blank,
Like exhaling after a long deep breath,
at some point it feels like you are drowning underneath
a dry vacuum and still you keep releasing,
'till you don't feel anything
at all.
Tabula Rasa,
baby boo dearest,
how slowly you made me fall.
To a blank slate,
Rising up upon my former fate,
like a black curtain call.
Blissful. No.
Comfortable like,
going back into the womb,
surrounded, worriless,
in a fetal state.
Thank you for everything,
I said.
Not replying,
Was simply your colored place.

Let's talk about oh being an adult,
it's a ******* scam, a real insult,
they audit your soul and **** your account,
and you learn the value of money is goods, cars, hotels, and a mound,
a hovel, a home, a place for the sound,
of your empty, pitiless, soul gone 'round,
and round dreaming of Christmas, as a child bound,
by the lights and the wrappings and agnostic
witness the fate you will take, taking the rate,
of your depression gone by oh those halcyon days I innately
cannot help but feel oh that I've missed something lately,
a parallel me or something deep beneath me,
it claws and it itches at the corners of my mind discreetly,
Digressing my  transgressions up on my own altars, weepily,
not tearing not emoting, no, not nothing, as if the Upston
I was, was only a dreaming, faint long gone sound, echoing,
teetering, upon sand castles that a once proud being,
called John was making, that now fall, upon the waves of reality,
and oh my own lackings. Tide me back take me away,
oh the void is calling, if not childhood gain, then adulthood,
lost, oh if I cant own her anymore then I'll just be tossed,
Into the ocean, sinking, no need to swim, just flossed,
and cleaned out, to be recycled, next time, next life,
Maybe I'll learn,
Something.
Or maybe, just maybe, if you're listening closely,
I'm just simply.... Mumbling.

OH you were honest, huh?
I should respect you,
Oh dear,
For being real?

I tell you okay, cool,
thank you!
That I bear you no ill will,
no, no,
Not enough for you,
Elder one,
I must admit,
how amazing you are,
For dropping me,
For something easy.
Immediate.

I get the decision,
Hell, I share most of your reasoning!
But, *****,
please,
Get the **** out,
of my life,
If you are going to drop me,
And ask me to respect you,
for honesty.
Like I wouldn't have noticed anyways.
Like you owed me an explanation.
Like you cheated on me.
Like you felt guilty,
or,
decided I deserved it.
When really, you just played the game,
A little better,
and when a fairer breeze came along,
You jumped on,
and flew away,
Dandily.

Well ******* ****,
I'll find someone better,
Immediately.
And it's okay.
I'm just being honest.
You have to respect me for,
being real.
Smile.

I look at her and
I close my eyes,
And oh where my imagination,
Send my eager mind,
The wiles versus my wills,
oh those hills they bind,
Men like me, like demons versus the Lion,
Exorcized, exorcized,
Yeah, but I am Legion,
if they beat me one time,
Oh, next time, time,
They'll be mine.

And those mountains of lust,
That once seemed unclaimable,
Unclimbable like Everest before
Edmund Hillary, like the Sistine Chapel,
Before Michelangelo, oh I will persist,
I will pursue, with the littlest smile,
And the darkest hue,
Where after many days fight,
Suddenly. Then, in the night,
when alas my victory is won!
My prize I will take,
And her pleasure I will reign.