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Jimmy Solanki Mar 2015
Speeding down paths I never knew existed.
My troubled mind and troubled heart always had you for company. I could have died in your arms. I was at home finally when I was close enough to your heart that I could hear its beats.

It seems odd now that I have to stay away. That your arms are a shield around the very heart I helped mend, which was as much yours as mine. That I never took back my heart from your *****, where it will always stay.

And though I may become bitter, or I may try and erase you from my head, you will always be there. Like a meteorite on earth, you hit me at full speed, right down to my core. I was changed in ways I couldn't have imagined possible.

I'm homesick now. I try find you in other people. I try building new homes. But I buried my heart near yours and that is where it will always stay. I could have died in your arms. I was at home. Finally.
Jimmy Solanki Mar 2015
There is a pain inside my chest
It slowly unfurls
To show its hideous face
And yet its not hideous
It terrifies me
Because its no manifestation of a physical condition
It is the child of the small imbalances triggered by the moving of a thousand suns and their descendants
In mysterious ways

There is a pain inside my chest tonight and I cannot tell you how much it hurts to have not felt this before
To see and think and feel the way a hundred thousand have done before and I'm going insane
Stuck in this battle inside my head
Roars of machinations faraway and souls so close to my own it terrifies me

There is a pain inside my chest
It wants me to live again
A demonic beast
With a distilled heart of magnificent proportions demands action
And it lives inside all of us
We simply learn to live with it, like some lifelong pain of heartbreak or the smell of flowers you liked or the the warmth of the sun upon your skin after a long winter night or

The smile on a face so akin to mine
I'm looking for definitions but I'm out of words now
I need a gun and bam
Shoot myself where it hurts the most
But I won't
The pain inside my chest is a story
Of a thousand years
Of pain
Of suffering
Of loss
And the slight cracks from where light escapes and flirts with the darkness
And the life that emerges out of nowhere to defy all
To defy even god
The pain inside my chest is the same as the one inside yours
Veiled by a smile
Or thoughts
Unavoidable disasters
Manifesting its own life, its sorrows and tears
Its own joy, its own love and its own sun

There is a pain inside my chest
Guess this is what it means to be human
My first attempt at writing slam poetry. I wrote this for a friend's event but couldn't participate for reasons. Still waiting for a chance to perform this.
Jimmy Solanki Mar 2015
Sharp stabs over and over again
Learnt it the hard way
Left me in a heap
A lovelorn defunked stain
Washed away in a stargaze
Annihilation

The rockets came over to call me
Call me back to life
But I was never away
Imperfection was my game
Call me back to life
I pray over and over again

Death has the strongest hold
Yet we fall into hallucinations
Wish to live forever
Love is the most painful jolt
Yet we dive into affections

Sharp stabs over and over again
Learnt it the hard way
Bedazzled my love
I'd take all of the pain
To be a reminiscence
Souvenir
  Mar 2015 Jimmy Solanki
AJ Mayfield
If you should go before me,

I’ll re-read every line you ever wrote to me,

every thought we shared so late at night,

the daily noise of our existence,

condensed into keystrokes by weary fingers

I’ll see, in every moonlit glade,
and every time 
there are no shadows in the trees,
that special light that always made you shine,

like bright little stars suspended in a globe filled with oil,
shimmering with delight and forgiveness,

waiting patiently to climb the wick

and burn my fingers when I strike the match


And I’ll hear your music,
which you never knew I listened to,

not with my ears, but with my heart,

and it will soothe me to dreamless slumber

when tears soak my pillow in endless twilight


I’ll remember every hungered kiss and every time
you found me hiding under our oak and scolded me
for putting off the work I should have been doing

I won’t put it off any longer
There’ll be nothing left for me but work
All the world gone grey, the mists
 of my memories
like a blanket
 smothering my tomorrows

But I won’t leave when you have gone

I will pay the tab for the time you gave,
finish everything we planned that autumn morn,
before I lock the gate behind me,
and follow breadcrumbs scattered on the loam
Jimmy Solanki Mar 2015
Blamed it
Irresistible gravity around
Blamed it
Sinking in the ground
Faster than the speed of light
Blamed it all
On a tunnel of hyperspace
Faster than the speed of light

Waiting for explanations
Hope and retributions
Waiting for you

A moment passes
Or is it a year?
Questions become mundane
A moment passes
Inimitable carrier
Waiting for explanations

Faster than the speed of light
Blamed it
On nothingness
And blamed
My existence
****** in with no escape
The tape stuck in my head
My resistance
Slowly being replaced
By despair instead
Depression sadness sad low blame introspection wonder despair
Jimmy Solanki Mar 2015
Buried in a minefield
Or a meadow of stars
A shackle or a shield
Inimitably reducing
Any conformity and its need
Creating its memories
Killing its creed

I'm dying slowly
Or living fast
Falling in love
Falling out
I fall in a different darkness
I chase a different sunbeam
Each moment

Buried in a minefield
Or a graveyard of affection
A repentance of a curse
And a wretched reflection
On an artificial iron lung
An everyday chore
In galaxies far-flung

I'm dying slowly
Everything is
Slowly
Even the sun will go cold
I'm dying slowly
Everything is
Regret
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