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 Mar 2018 Jey Blu
She Writes
**** doesn’t always hide
At parties and outside clubs
**** doesn’t always hide
In dark alleys and empty parking lots
Sometimes it is right in front of you
But you choose to look the other way
**** doesn’t always hide
Behind the faces of strangers in the night
Sometimes it is hiding behind the closed doors
Of your uncles
Cousins
Fathers
And brothers
**** isn’t always loud-
Screaming, yelling, and crying
Sometimes **** is quiet-
Gasping for air and silent tears
If pain is beauty
I am gorgeous
I smile to cover up what's really going on inside
I am hostile to keep you from getting close
I enclose myself in my room so you don't see me cry
I put this noose around my neck so i can die
I lie to hide the truth
I am teary eyed thinking about my past
I had so much fun Back then
But now all i have is this gun to my head
I have dealt with suicidal thoughts since the age of 12
All the knife in my hand know is carving those words into my arm
All my stomach knows is to be starved
All my arms know is scarring
A cry for help is a cry for help no matter how you cry
Time flies when you are having fun
Time goes so slowly for me
Here i am crying again
Trying to rhyme again
Diving deeper into this
Trying to be a poet
And you know that my poetry is terrible
Its all unbearable
And im unrepairable
But my rhymes are
Uncompairable
I cry
I try to dry my eyes
But the tears keep falling
I am calling out for help
but no one sees my struggle
Its like im inside a bubble
Set aside to rot alone
No one in my phone
And my pain is not known
Thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind
i just keep getting lied to
who am i to try to survive
i am deprived of happiness
all i know is loneliness
i write to help with my depression and anxiety thanks for reading this
The dream, starts with a stream which the moon shines her beams upon, along the river i walk, I talk with no one to listen, But there it is the rain in the distance gaining on me closer and closer, But i have persistence to find happiness And a resistance to that pain so i stand and i stare at the oncoming rain  of pain and i..  i fall to the ground and i cry and i try to get back up but the pain won't let me and when  i finally get back up, i lack the resistance to the pain, where is the gain in fighting, why am i trying, we are all dying why shouldn't i speed that process up, But this isn't fancy dress these rags im wearing are mine, Stop comparing me to the happy people stop declaring that i am lesser than you, who are you to tell me i aint ****. is it because i ain't fit  or because of my outfit or because i can't commit to being myself because i have to hide my pain from you and them no one needs to see the real me, this is my plee stop making me flee from the fight, i don't want to be in this darkness i am in i want to be light but its all gone where is my happiness
Flicking through the unforgettable pages of your life,
Choice of wording and choice of rhyme,
Besides the unknown meaning behind your eyes, you don’t know the numb feeling inside.

Numb, empty, emotionless expressions cast across your perplexing complexion,
Hid behind multiple scars traced by its redemption,
It stopped at the flash of a red light,
Pulling on the cords of its life. Tight.
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