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291 · Jul 2017
Lonely Lament
Jayce Jul 2017
I call you and as usual your phone goes to voicemail
I open my mouth and poetry flows out
It is like I'm choking on everything I want to say but it is all phrased so
Beautifully
And painfully
That I want to erase the message and start again


When I play it back to myself I hear my garbled cries of agony
I hear pleas that are sure to fall on deaf ears
I hear promises that I should've made months ago

And I delete the message without hesitation.
290 · Aug 2018
"get well soon"
Jayce Aug 2018
I felt that my body could bleed no more,
That I was handing it out to the wolves in gallons,
My hands became sore and bruised from dragging my body from the lowest pits
And still I can clench my teeth and find the strength to stand
I am able to make fists and fight for the hope that I am replenishing day by day
It was 4 am and I'd listened to "get well soon" by Ariana Grande about 10 times and started to feel completely overcome. It's a healing song, and I definitely needed it after the year I've had. I highly recommend it.
Jayce Jul 2018
I lost my faith when I taught myself how to bleed
and I’ve been carrying my burdens behind my teeth, a dog who’s bark is booming and who’s bite is jagged
When I meet god I hope it’s a fair fight
Because as far as I’m concerned he’s no match for me

no weapons, no tricks
just the hands that helped me crawl when i felt I couldn’t stand the pain
just unbridled anger at being denied happiness even as a child
just wounds that have been ripped open even after I’ve stitched myself together again

i’ll show no remorse, the same way he didn’t
I don’t want an apology, that would mean nothing to me
I want him to look up at me when he’s on his knees
and feel humbled and human at the pain he’s let me endure
280 · Jun 2018
The Cycle of an Addict
Jayce Jun 2018
Recovering.
Healing sores and licking wounds.
Then indulging.
Gluttonous and hungry.
Then relapsing.
Being torn apart and set on fire.

Then nothing.
Quiet and it's just another day.
277 · Jun 2016
Untitled
Jayce Jun 2016
I was never doing this to you
But you never spoke up and told everyone that
And so I'll carry the blame that you insist isn't there
Even though my shoulder blades seem to keep snapping out of place
Jayce Nov 2018
but does not love taste like alcohol,
burning it's way down, creating a fire in your stomach
coming back up when you least expect it
you heave once, twice,
and it's all out of you and you are a stranger to the buzzing
the buzzing that is infatuation
you fill yourself with enough of it and surely it will **** you
masses flock back to what they desire, that sweet rush and burning
but this too, shall pass
Jayce Sep 2018
Gears should only spin so fast but my brain knows no limits and only strives for my hands to do more, create more, work faster and harder without tiring, my body is pleading with me to lay down my arms because you cannot fight a one person war -
and there are beads of sweat racing down my face because I cannot slow down or I will fall into that same pit that I've spent so much of this year in, etching away days and days of no motivation, no drive, no desire to live and here I am trying to convince my clever heart that it's okay to dip into this lake of happiness -
or is it that?
and again sleepless nights and a room as unkempt as my mind and the thoughts, the tenants inside of it, and maybe one day I will stop.

And it won't feel so bad.
259 · Apr 2018
Don't Let Them See
Jayce Apr 2018
When you get addicted to something, when you get really sick and there are more bad days than good, you learn something about people.

You'll expose your neck only for it to be ripped open, leaving you frantic and gasping for air.

You'll present your belly only to lose everything inside you that was keeping you alive.

You'll have created a pack only to have your heart torn from your chest by those you once ate, slept, and grew with.

We're just animals. If you let your weaknesses show, you'll wind up dead.
250 · Dec 2017
Abandonment
Jayce Dec 2017
The imp on my back
Tells me that I am not loved
That I am merely a place holder

The imp on my back
cannot see me cry
but he can feel me shake

So he knows he's won.
245 · Nov 2018
Promises
Jayce Nov 2018
He used to feed you a bowl full of glass promises. You’d smile at him cautiously and chew them carefully because seeing you pretend that you weren’t hurt made him happy. Later you’d walk into the bathroom and stare at the shards coating the cave of your mouth like paintings.

He used to hand you promises that would stain. It was worth it, to see his face light up as you pretended not to notice the growth covering your palms and fingers. You’d wipe your hands on your clothes. You stopped wearing anything light enough to hold the stain.

He used to fill your head with promises that lit your brain on fire. You’d tell him your head hurt and his smile would fly away. You’d stomach the pain because you didn’t think you had a choice. You let the flames consume the last of your sanity.

He used to be so careless with your heart you were sure you couldn’t use it again. But even the deepest wounds heal.
Jayce Dec 2018
I make breakfast for my loneliness, unflinching as it sits down in it's chair, grunting at me. The pain throbs in my head and my body at the feel of it's presence, and suddenly I am not in my body.
I am thinking of times when I slept in twin beds with friends, sure that one of us would fall off in the night but waking up to our bodies entwined. I remember car rides with the windows down and the sound of radios blaring but our voices louder, singing along.
I yearn for times when friends and I would take pictures, freezing moments in time so that we'd never forget that moment, and how with technology, all I had to do was press a button for them to dissipate into nothing.
I am crying over the stove and I can hear my loneliness grinning and chuckling behind me, reminding me that the inside of this prison is where I will stay forever.
189 · Oct 2018
Caution: Bad Fruit
Jayce Oct 2018
Rotting from the inside out

Oxygen cannot fix the damage

I am on display, but you won't choose me,

I am bruised and beaten

You see me and I am shown disgust

You pick another and leave

I am thrown out and forgotten

— The End —