In a world of chaos, you eventually became balace
You became the center of gravity amidst the sea of flaming chaos
A dose of reality that set the laws of light

So tell me then, dear friend, when did you go from being my sun to being the black hole that destroys all?

Was it when you demanded more energy from a collapsing star?
Is it my fault for not showing more weakness?
Should I have asked for more?
Could I have asked for help....

Or was I simply to weak, another consume;
My shine to weak, for the flame that consumes all within reach of the Supernova

Oh abyss,
Why must you be so addictive
The embrace never felt,
The love never reciprocated,
This is the yearnings of the unheard

For salvation
For enlightenment
For all, but reality

The dear abyss of the unknown

I'm a fraud
A liar
An utter mess

I keep on walking, smiling, trying
Yet to what end is this all for?

Hope, dreams, and aspirations are of no worth to those dead inside
It doesn't matter how hard one tries, that twinkle will never return to our eyes

In our solitude are we with kindred souls
Through tears, we smile
For the remembrance of our precious beat do we trudge on

I'm not alone in my suffrage
Though not my intent, do the lies spout
For those who still have that twinkle
Whom still have the beat of life within
For the love that tethers me to them

Such are the lies told;
Of excitement for the next dawn
Of aspirations for the future
Of hope for tomorrow

Dark misfortune may gather up above,
Bleak clouds that shower and beat the oblivious earth
Dread, Pain, and Despair soak and pool together

Yet know that this will pass, though the trials are rough and unbearing
It's essential for life

Wrath may strike across the heavens
And as hope is overshadowed by Anguish
There's no escape from the dark days

This too is essential for life, for rebirth

In time the heavens will be pierced by the rays of life
The pools will fade, the winds will settle, and the silence of peace will return
The storms will concede, the sun will shine once more
The stars will still be there twinkling and gleaming

The reward for endearing the dark stormy days,
Is the profound beauty of life all around;
Life isn't only joy and sunlight
It's also endearing the hard times

A gem multifaceted
Different avenues, different worlds?
To fail is to succeed, to succeed is to die

What do you do when both heaven and hell reject you?
Do you cry indignation?
Do you beg forgiveness?
Or do you do nothing?

A gem upon the heavens, one that shines but only in the night
A star that shines only within the shadows?
To be reborn is to forsake, to stay is to condemn

What do you do when there is no way to move?
Stay stagnant and a relic?
Risk it for rebirth?

A celestial being with potential tainted
Too bleak to shine upon the heavens
Too bright to shine within the cesspool
So do you fade away?

NO!
You shine upon the heavens!
Purify the cesspool!
Rise or descend upon it all!

A Fallen Star answers to none but helps all!
A Fallen Star is what we are!
Failure and hope in one

The children that neither HELL nor HEAVEN saves
The children that shine through it all;
Dust, darkness, hail, or sunshine
The Fallen Stars shine bright, not for the sake of Heaven nor Hell
But for themselves
That's what makes us Falling Stars

What makes an angel?
Is it virtue?
Is it faith?
Or is it divine judgment?

But what makes a sinner?
Surviving?
Desire?
Pride?

What makes a demon?
An *******?
Vengeance?
A desire for self-justice?

What makes a fallen?
Those that lose faith?
Those that seek faith through sin?
Those that make us human?

What makes a human?
A cruel world?
A life of paradox?
A world of forever wonder?

What makes you feel alive?
Sadomasochism?
Validation?
Recognition?
Acceptance?

What?­

What brings you peace?
Love?
Revenge?
Victory?
Or living how you choose to live without restraints

Dear Hypnos,
Why must you torment me so?
Your malicious abandon leaves me starving,
On the verge of desperation and madness
Crying and begging for salvation

Though much desired, your embrace is anything but salvation
The sweet sensation of peace is shortlived as you exhume long-forgotten corpses and demons
To ravage and feast upon my sanity, corrupting and devouring the last of my innocence

My beloved Hypnos,
I can't help but loathe as much as I love
What choice am I left with but to embrace this wicked hell
So I'll accept the droughts and starvation, the demons and torture
All to simply have you, my cruel love

Open the Gates of Hell and let the Storm free
Fill the Void with the Insatiable
Replace the darkness with the flames of Destruction
Let's dance in the Chaos of the End

Bathe in the harsh light of the Forsaken
Embrace it all
Succumb to the inevitable

Break the Seal which protects the balance
Let it all go and drown in it
Allow Chaos to finally manifest
For the Undesirables to sing their truths

Open the Gates of Hell and let the Storm free
Fill the Void with the Insatiable
Replace the darkness with the flames of Destruction
Let's dance in the Chaos of the End
For once, loosen your grip and fall into the chasm
Be engulfed with the ugly Truth within

A Demon, a Dream
The one I long for till exhaustion
The one I fear

You evade me even in the sea of shadows,
Mocking me with your ever close hand in the world aflame
Why must you torment me so?
Your sweet embrace is what I crave
Though cruel and vivid,
You're all I want

As I fall into despair your abusive grip comes out of the shadows
Forgotten stories to torment my weakened spirit
Or perhaps hidden desires that will fade as soon as they're born
You taunt and punish me
Chipping away at my soul

A Demon, a Dream
The one I always chase
The one I resent

At the bottom of dejection when reality and nightmares convene
You piece me back together
Deep hibernation to repair the soul
Finally, this vicious cycle comes full circle
At long last, I feel your embrace

I rather chase that which I can obtain than a dream that I'll never claim

Inferno filled glasses
They seek and search
Shinning upon the broken and deceitful

They burn with a hunger but are never fed
These passion filled eyes
Searching with a painful optimism

To sedate the lustful avarice
They seak and search
For the one worthy

Close the curtains
The stain within claws outwards
Death a hidden desire

Preach I'm fine
Hollar I'm ludicrous
Yet death is all I seek

Peace within my clasps
Stolen from moral
To die is a sin

Freedom a sinful wish
Agonize life
Agonize virtue

Peace is sought out for sleep
Yet is peace seen as war
To be forgotten as a relic

Why should topaz be cast aside for a sapphire?
Is saphire more precious than a topaz?

Name alone
Saphire
Topaz
Which is more precious?

Should you hate the shine of topaz,
Quiet yet deep
Should saphire be chosen
For boldness and color

Topaz yet another gem
Yet unwanted
Tossed aside
For the dull saphire

I feel my hunger growing. My desire pulsing, thirst growing
Knowledge abound, growth all around

Thousand of words within a single drink
The laughs, the yells, the screams, the cries

Tight lip while in the uniform
Wear it right, bark right
Do not disgrace all that which is

We are the protectors
The guardians
The warriors of the land

Yet who will save us?
Who will combat the darkness?
Who will defeat the demons within?

Seeking,
Pleading,
Begging for salvation
We're worthless in the end

Pawns that couldn't even fulfill their duty
To be tossed aside
When the king needs saving
The rook will rise
The knights will roar
And the queen will awake

With a single drink we'll be locked away
With a single drink will we be mourned
With a single drink will we fulfill our duties

Burning fire cascades through agonized fleshed
Not to heal, not to numb, not to forget

All is one, and one is all as the thoughts flare at high speeds
The dark, the light, it all crashed within
The fire will not cleanse this turmoil
It will not burn the pain

This liquid fire the catalyst for a storm
To feel,
To cry,
To scream,
Just to feel something
Anything

A broken muse led by his sun
Singing, painting, creating nothing but shame
Dont you know the sun will burn you no matter what?

You flee, hiding behind the clouds
Yet the shield you trust is nothing but a storm
The toxic Rays will impale the heavens

Sought solace withing the hope of the moon
The inevitable fire will consume all

Snarl, fight, and lash out at your God
Holy light shall pierce your impurities
You the muse cannot argue the Sun

Anguish, weep, scream ****** ******
What is a mortal to a divine celestial

No matter what shade you seek
The holy Rays shall incinerate your sin

Thunder roars through the dying cave
Hammering, thundering, all through the dark

Like desperate wings flapping for dear life
It's all that fills the desolate abyss

Fear falls from the ceiling
Crystal tears that hold captive unspoken horror

Wailing tormented cries accompany the beating
Aunguish strikes the walls

My love
I gave all to you
I hoped and prayed for the best

Yet you've failed me
With greed and pride
You stand against all I loved
You chose yourself

You forgot my sacrifices
All that was given for you
A cancerous tumor

You were loved
You were cherished
But ultimately you were a disease

A beautiful melody,
A sight to behold
Fog clouds the path
Rain drowns the song

Search desperately
Yearn for it with your heart
Youll never reach the aching tune
Never gaze upon the divine scene

Stain memories mark brittle pages
Ink ran livid as it bled through the thick paper
Fresh new starts branded by the ink before

Far ahead lie pristine white hope
Fresh, innocent, and full of potential

Do not let the previous page's failures ruin the chance for a beautiful masterpiece
Move beyond the smudge past
Pick up your brush, pen, or pencil
And create a new piece

Beautiful mercury droplets escape the vast void
How could such beauty exist in a plane of nothing?
For such beauty to even escape from the emptiness

These beautiful droplets are not the saving gift of water
Though of far more divine magnificence
A deadly radiance, the liquid fire
Do not dare wipe nor touch the falling droplets

Be amazed and honored to have witnessed such a rare phenomenon
Few have gazed upon the melancholy and glamorous event
Watch from a distance as mercury droplets rain from the empty void
Watch as the silver tears escape the hollow cavity

Dark nights lie ahead
For the beast with a heart of man
He stumbles on uneven ground
Reality crumbles as truth are revealed

Will tender hearts be enough to chain him to life?
Unrequited love, or unregistered?
The question that silences the thunderous drum

He weeps, he roars
All in pursuit to find purpose in this savage jungle
To find the light atop the canopies

Poor beast, with a heart of man
Dark nights lie ahead
With vain souls trying to tame him
Will his thunderous drum ever beat again?

A smudge cover
Can't see the hidden title
The hardback conceals the stained white within

Pages were torn
Corners were burned

The words bled through what was left
Bitter waves etched the damaged white

Can't comprehend the insanity within
The entire thing is a discordance
Black waves attacking the stained land

Barely bound together
The rigmarole survived abusive readers
To be tattered and mistreated
Ripped apart and cauterized

Was this pitiful tale the author intended?
To whom did he write for?
What drove waves of ink?
Why was such desolation captured?
Was he pleased with his piece?

A sacrilegious dance
The sinful waltz with the Moon
Beautiful melancholy voices sing
Oh of sinful deeds

Follow the rhythm of the beating Drum
Feel the crescendo
Know the steps

The eternal rest won't halt the dance
Beautiful melancholy voices carry on

The Moon won't let you go
Feel his grasp
Know his voice

Sweet, sweet singing now commence
This dance, oh it will never end

Upon the ultimate bed, you lay
Exquisite as ever, with an angelic smile

You tarnished your gift, gave in to the seven deadly sins
You stole, you lied
To sedate your unquenching lust
You let loose your unrelenting wrath

Guardian angles flock together
Lay eyes upon the one they failed

Let the trumpets sound loud and clear
And Heaven's light shine upon the final secret revealed

Your greed damaged our singing heartstrings
For now, they play the melancholy song of dissolution

Your gluttony for sweet release left us void
Took from us what you had once given
Left us starving to hear your joyous voice

Your wrath scorched our wings
Grounding us to earth
The fire of your agony still unknown
Yet the fire of anger begins to burn

Pride expelled you from Heaven
The lies you tightly wove masked the truth beneath

Upon the ultimate bed, you lay
Is that smile even real?
We mourn and sing the final farewell
Even that you stole from us
Upon the ultimate bed, you lay
Your exquisite corpse forever mocking

You sink to the depths of despair
Choke on the memories of failure
And wish you could halt the agony,
To halt your gift

The shackles, however, don't let it happen
They grasp so ever firmly the beating drum of life
Bruise the flesh that they cling to
Barely maintaining your existance; you can see the clear blue skies from your watery prison

You gasp, you scream
You wish the shackles would shatter, that you would at long last be embraced by the void of darkness at the bottom

But in the back of your mind, at the bottom of your shackled drum, you pray and hope that these chains would bring sweet release
That you could once more feel the fresh crisp air against your blue and purple skin one final tine

You release tears unseen,
And scream to be released from limbo
To either perish or be set free
But truth be told,
You're the one who placed the shackles you hate so much
You're the warden of this watery hell

Guide me, please I beg of you
Light the dark seas and lead me to shore

The waves crash and roar,
The defeaning sound of doom,
I'm not sure if I can stay afloat
This anchor tries to drown me

Please hear past the waves,
My cries and pleas, are they falling on deaf ears?

I know your lighthouse stands on the rocky shores
Won't you light the bulb?

Please, the water burns
Seaps and claims that which is preacious

I can't break free, soon even the dark skies are gone
And the darkness of the deep claim me

My tears add to the vast seas
Darkness will claim all that I am

If you had lit your lighthouse,
Could I have even been saved?
Had this anchor been destroyed could I have swam to safety?
If I had begged, screamed, and cried louder could you have heard my fleeting voice?

If only...

You sink to the bottom of despair
Choke on the memories of failure
And wish you could stop the pain,
To stop your life

The chains of life, however, don't let it happen
They grasp so ever firmly your heart until it hurts
Bruised the flesh that they cling to
Barely keeping you here; you can see the clear blue skies from your watery prison

You gasp, you scream
You wish the chains would shatter, that you would at long last be embraced by the void of darkness at the bottom

But in the back of your mind, at the bottom of your shackled heart, you pray and hope that these chains would bring you out of this hell
That you could once more feel the fresh crisp air against your blue and purple skin

You release tears unseen,
And scream to be released from limbo
To either perish or be set free
But truth be told,
You're the one fighting the chains you hate so much
You're the warden of this watery hell

Through approval and dismay
The water never lays still
It crashes and weeps,
Its waves dance and sing

The water doesn't ask for permission
It doesn't seek acknowledgment,
The tides will rise with the bad
And recede with the good
To hide and reveal, the beauty below

The water,
It does as it pleases
It changes throughout the day
To keep marvelous life sustain
It will continue to play

To sing and dance
To crash and weep
All through approval and dismay

Begging for help,
Crying in the inside
Wishing someone would see me drowning

No one stops
No one looks
No one cares

I battle day and night
This dark cloud comes and goes
I struggle to keep it in check
But I'm failing
I'm struggling

Wont someone save me?
Why can't anyone see?
Am I just too weak?

I'll keep on fighting,
Keep on the battle
I won't give up,
But won't someone lend me strength?

I have a storm of negative emotions, swirling and twisting, each one goading the other to keep burning. When one finally dims down, another takes its place; resentment, hate, rage, and sadness. This storm is my strength, just as this storm is my biggest weakness. If only, for a bit, would the storm stop. If only, there was a sun above the clouds. If only, there was something inside me other than this storm.