Feels like you.

Or a whiskey bottle.

Two things.

I get drunk on too often.

I used to think addiction
Was something that you brought upon yourself,
Something you chose.
I thought a drink here and a puff there
Then you were hooked

I thought addiction
Was something to numb the pain
Not something that caused an ach in your chest
That made you feel like your lungs had collapsed
And broke you a little more everyday

I didn’t think Addiction
Would come with a heartbeat
And a voice telling me they loved me
Everynight before I went to sleep
With soft skin and a crooked smile

But it turns out Addiction
Can make your heart soar
But it always leaves you wanting more
Obsessed with the next time
You can get your fix

I never thought Addiction
Would crash into my life,
Leave me helpless as I was swept up in its wake
But surprisingly okay with letting it take
Everything in my life that belonged to me

I gave into Addiction
With its charming words,
And hot temper that could explode without warning.
It's bright eyes
And cruel words

I’m learning to live with an Addiction
That I can't help but run towards.

laying on the left side of the bed
on the right side of my body
thinking about the last time you thought about me
and the first time I thought about you
reading the last text you sent me
and the first poem I wrote about you
and how every poem after it was you
and how every text after me was her

laying in the centre of the bed
on my back
crying until my tears run into my ears
and I can hear the gentle scratch of your voice
telling me you loved me back even though I never said it

wondering if you ever loved me back even though you said it

laying on the right side of the bed
on my left side
imagining you by my side and the way you lied so sharply
it left a scar on my mind
and when you sang Scar Tissue I lied and said you sounded great

I sleep on the floor  
let every song remind me of you and let myself be sad
because you keep coming back for her
but wouldn't stay one more chance for me

c.d.

lightning paints the ceiling in the dark
feelings like dancing trees in the wind
my heart whispers into the rainfall
until the sound of water drowns my thoughts
into thunder
cracks the sky in half and my universe falls through
my bedroom window
when it storms I think of you

grumbling far away but close
I know the storm is outside but
it shakes the foundation nonetheless

the window panes rattle against the stress
the floorboards feel the strain
the crescendo of the rain meets the cresendo of our game
you decrescendo into oblivion

the storm leaves behind only a cool breeze
relief blows through
my bedroom window
when it storms I think of you

c.d.

my fingers are like matches

because everything I touch turns to ash.

I swear my intentions are golden

and my goals are pure.

but I can’t seem to keep from burning bridges

and speaking singed words.

Never let me in.
I'm the curse that will end you.
If you let me have my way, I will tear you apart.
My failures will cast impending  darkness
Into that little heart you wear on your sleeve.
My venomous words will tear you limb from limb.
Its a cycle.
Over and over.
My psychological problems that you blindly keep falling for.
Its a cycle.
Over and over.