I'm a tiny twig flowing in a River

Its flow, mighty, powerful, turbulent
I make futile attempts to make my own way
But it's the forces of nature that determine my path
Pushing me, Pulling me at its whim
And yet I have this notion of Destiny
Of a greater calling
A belief or rather a hope for finding
the true purpose for my existence
Perhaps a twig would change the flow of a River
And Perhaps the whole story wouldn't sound as absurd as its pitiful summarization
Yet, nothing is more true, more tangible,
more persistent, more disheartening
than the fact that

I'm a tiny twig flowing in a River

I can't say it...
Not anymore
I love you are that will now strike a discord
I love you is a phrase I simply cannot afford
Conversations won't be ending with I love you anymore....

The week of the moon
Always comes way too soon
As it boasts so full in the sky
Yet here I am empty
Good spirits have left me
Cursing, asking why
The cycle's completed
As I lay here depleted
Watching the minutes go by
Emotions are churning
My body is burning
Revolting at its cue
nature, my friend
I'd like this end
But there's not much She can do
In misery I wait
With this cruel twist of fate
For it all to start anew.

Once or twice I met the reaper
In the dark despair of night
Inner battles kept on waging
And there was no end in sight
I begged of her to take me
Towards the warm embracing light
She ignored my painful pleas
Perhaps the timing wasn't right
I had almost lost all hope
With the never ending fight
Her wanted poster on my arm
Tattooed just in spite
A set of keys and whiskey
Cars can fly just like a kite
Soon after those events
Change started to take flight
A gift of a son
Made my world much more bright
The anguish has retreated
And I'm starting to feel alright
So, Please thank her when you meet her
there's a good chance that you might
Im grateful to be here now
If only for tonight.

i didn’t understand you–
i don’t think anyone did.
i don’t think anyone could.

you were the wrath of the lamb
and the rib of Adam,
you were the burning cherubim by
the savage Garden,
you were Samael and Apollyon,
brooding in Gehenna  

you were a god and a devil,
and i’m afraid
that i never found out who
won, in the end.

when you loved me,
was it because you knew who
i was or was it because
you knew what i would become?

I want to suffer in the bliss of agony
And drown amongst my overwhelming sorrow
It hurts even more that I have no choice but to keep myself together
When I want so desperately to be numb
The darkness is calling out my name
As I try my best to ignore the comfort of its song
I long for the poison. Coursing through my veins
As the blackness erases all of the pain
And I just want to fade away until it's gone