Today I woke up early and I thought it was important! I thought today would be a day for me to do things that were worth it. I woke up early and I tried hard. I walked around and I asked people questions. I tried to ask questions that were important. I looked at people into their eyes and I tried to actually be present. I ate food and I saw things. It's hard for me to wake up sometimes, actually all the times. I never really want to wake up. I try hard and I work hard but I always forget to ask people questions. I'm not always present. When people are around me and my eyes are open I don't look into their eyes. I don't often think about food and I think eating is inconvenient. I guess I thought today I'd pretend all those things were important. So I woke up early today, I woke up early can you believe it? I woke up early because today waking up was important! I walked around and I asked people questions! I looked at them in their eyes and only saw my reflection. I wished I hadn't woken up early when they walked right past me and didn't answer my questions. I tried eating and pretending that it was convenient, that eating was important. The food tasted like the lie I knew it was; with each bite I felt like I was more a fraud, an actor, an imposter. As if I was someone who could believe I was important. As if I was someone who woke up early and looked at people in the eyes and asked them questions. As if I was someone who felt like a time for food was convenient. Maybe I'm a liar, maybe I'm something more. Maybe people didn't see the truth in my eyes when I met them at their core. Maybe I didn't need to wake up early to have time to focus my gaze. Maybe I don't need to ask people questions to make them see that I'm awake. Maybe none of these things are needed to validate that I'm important. Maybe I'm the one that needs to realize I'm worth it.

Under the light of the neon moon she inhales the last drag...
In hopes it would slow the rhythm
Of the dancing demons in her restless mind.

we are the masters of self-destruction
trying to numb the pain with wine
and drugs
and smoke filling up our lungs,
we write down in lines with no rhyme
all the things
that make our souls burn and die.
our poems bleed
we drink their blood
then we write again,
listening to stupid songs all night
wishing sometimes we were deaf
wishing we were dead.
we let the doors open
anyone with a knife can come inside
cutting our hearts in half,
any tear is welcome
to create the ocean around us
in which we deliberately drown ourselves.
masters of self-destruction,
our bodies are temples where dying souls hide,
we run till our legs are broken
jump off cliffs
go between sharks' cheeks
forgetting to sleep
to dream
we bleed
we drink
we love
and hurt
it's a madmen game we play
each day
laughing hysterically
while slowly taking steps to the graves
we dug for ourselves,
the masters of self-destruction we are
lunatics
worshiping what's not for us to adore
crying
hiding
falling again
and again.
legs broken,
hearts cut and eaten
flesh ripped from our bones
lungs full of water
ears burnt
our eyes scream
but that's fine
'cause we are the masters of self-destruction
and our life is just a mad game

I was just a small snowflake
Amongst the flurries in your world
I gracefully steered clear of the high walls of brick
A majestic descent
That captured your gaze
Like a ballerina on the stage
But that crooked smile
Appeared on your face
As your callous eyes watched me fall to my demise
Only to end my journey
Dissolving into the icy asphalt
Of your blackened heart.

The struggle to regulate emotion
Is difficult when they arrive as waves
But originate from an ocean
Trying to fold it all together
Like a beautiful origami
Unintentional suppression
Which culminates into a tsunami
That crashes down on your illusion
Bursting through the levy
And drowning in the confusion
Of self discovery
As vast as the universe within
A perplexing mystery
Inside of me
Searching for a place to begin
My quest
As I observe my ego
And balance the rest
When the tides cleanse the slate
Of internal distress accrued
Perhaps I'll wade amongst the water
And find the answer I've pursued.

I'm better off hitting rock bottom
All this constant lingering in the free falling downward spiral is agonizing torture
I reach for something to cling to and yet I'm still slipping, I can feel it
Once I secure myself in the depths of not sinking any lower I can begin to strategize my Ascension
When there's nowhere to go but up
My tendency towards a nihilistic disposition is a disheartening cynicism
And right now I just need something to believe in
No matter how temporary that belief may be.

A walking contradiction
Speaking truth but living fiction
Chasing these words
An unrelenting addiction
Write it, just write it out
Find a connection
The lines must overlap
To explain this infection
Of incessant poetic streams
In search for direction
It seems my spirit
Needs a resurrection.

Deep down,
We always knew we didn't belong together.
Like oil and water, separate, yet floating along in unison.
I can see it now.
I was always water, bubbling along trying my best to uplift those around me and nourish their souls with my vital compassion and generosity, springing new life into every crevice that lay in my path.
But then you came along, and covered me with your toxic love. It was thick and all consuming, slowly killing all the life force within. With arrogance you spread infectiously throughout my mind until the only thought I had was you. Once in a while the sun would shine upon you and I was in awe at the magnificence of your shimmering beauty as if for a moment, I thought I saw the real you, but it was merely a facade. A clever predatory disguise to mask the horrors of your deadly true self.
Pretentious description, maybe.
But since that fire was started I've been trying my hardest to burn away every trace of you from the surface. Hopefully in time your toxins will evaporate from my body and life will begin to flourish once again.
Until then I will wade along, watching patiently as the evidence of your oil spill dissipates into clarity once again.

Darkness slithers in like a snake again
And hisses the words
Hello my old friend
It makes its way to the belly of my fears
And rests in delight
At the sight
Of the sirens tears
Caught within the demons snare
It begins to constrict
As I gasp for air
A losing battle
For the more I fight
My vision gets blurred
And can't see the light
So now it seems
My only choice
Is to listen to
The hiss of its voice
Reluctantly I begin to abide
As the poison seeps in
To scorch my insides
It's okay I say
It'll be over soon
As I begin to give in
To the ominous tune
My soul revolts
In violent thrashes
A part of you must die
To rise from the ashes.