Sometimes it’s like
I’m floating:
Not standing on Earth,
But in my own world.

I want to yell sometimes,
Do whatever I want,
No rules at all...
Just me, myself, and I.

Tell me what you want;
I don’t need to listen,
For I make my own choices
And you just watch.

I want a world
With no problems,
Where everything’s peaceful
And I can live without fear.

This is what I want
But I honestly think
And never believe
That it’s going to happen.

If I wake up to the sun
I'm next to my lover
If I wake up forgetful and cold
A man I've never met has his arm
Wrapped around me, slow dancing in a bed
Of mistakes and unhappy schemes
Once upon a time I could wake up
And know that he was the first thing
I'd think of in my feeble mind

But like most I'm left running
From the mistakes you left
Discarded the mess of me
Left the mess of you
Once you found another
How quick that heart was on sale
Ready to be used and confused again
Could have sworn it expired

But my armor shines bright
All my friends are irresolute
Get lonely, fall in love, hate life
Sometimes you forget that
And as much as I want to call you
A malevolent heartbreaker
I know your heart means well

Share it, share it all again
The times we had were worth it
I'd be lying if I said
I didn't enjoy having someone
To share it all with too
But I'll never be like you
And you'll never be like me
That's why we broke up
In the first place

I wake up
To a new day
Without him
Every day
But a new day
Nonetheless

In the strangest lands
I will grasp my chance
Sing the unsung words
I have searched to spell

i think its safe to say now
that every time i’m with you
and every time i look at you
there’s one thing that
always stands true
that my heart tends
to beat a little faster
and all my worries
i seem to look past them
cause at this point
you're the only one
that i could imagine
having the perfect life with
this is just how i'm feeling
my love for you has no ceiling
and if you feel the same way
let's seal our love with a ring
you're the only one for me

Good sir,
I'm dreadfully tired
Like the moon in a cascade crescent
I'm flushed out of all my water
Bounded and chained by struggle
I dip in and out of a lifeless frame
Resorting to sleeplessness
And as red as the Red Sea
My blood flows deep
High on emotion
Drinking from the well of plasticity
And fabricated tellings
Nothing smells the same anymore
Much less the rain waiting at the front door
As you walk in from the news
Put the keys down and weep
As another is slain and forgotten
So I ask
If we are in control of the passageway
To a satisfying future
Or flushed away by the stories
Of a world gone mad

And I climb aboard the fears
Of being a man in love
I jump into unfamiliar waves
But it feels easy to be forgotten
And start off in the crystal ocean
I want to grow - with you - in life
If I put you in love's way
I take another part
In being a man who loves and aches
All the same
When my fever is 103, am I thriving
In the clean sheets of passion
Or am I lost in the eyes
That take me to the promised land
Of eternal happiness

What am I to say?
The first line of the day
Had to be proclaimed
Like a daily announcement
You mistook my observation
For an emotional concern

I don't love you and
I don't care to either
You are a difficult beast
Enslaved me for years
Expected me to share
My intimate nature with you
No, I could not
You don't talk things through

You went insane, like me
Trying to do your best
I share your dedication
Nothing more
I will have vanished
You will spend another year
In a bubble
Made up of denial

But if I miss anything
It's your unique way
Of saying "I love you"

I feel heavy in my chest
And fatigue is my only friend
This is what I accept every day

A coal black soul
I look for ways to cope
Look around and stare

There is a way of sleeping
And not knowing when
To wake up because you
Have no one to wake up for

I’m a wreck
If I don’t have anything
I’m a machine
Running on oil
Waiting for you to fill me up
It feels like the world is almost over
And I can’t live to not look low
As I’m pulled apart from this car crash
Of misery, I see it was all pointless
And that the bullets were temporary pain
I don’t know much about fighting
But with you around, I felt like I knew it all
I threw my blow to my entrapped heart
And broke my walls down
The ashes and smoke looked like stars
And a cosmic journey was now mine
I looked for the sign in the rubble
In each disaster I created
And found a heartbeat
Worthy of life

Last night I panicked
Over another future
I saw a man
With lost hope, no purpose
I told the ones I could trust
Keep looking out for that boy
He's confident, he's vulnerable
There's no telling where he'll go
He's been hurt far too much
Breaking his heart for no one important
He ain't got any time
Looking for a way to live each night
Spilling his guts of guilt
Will he learn to let go?

--------

I wake up
My brain stirs, confused
It pops in a frenzy
It's late but my thoughts are on time
I do a pretty good job at understanding
What is the truth and what isn't
The choir bursted to life and I smiled
Let this moment be mine
And all the others be dedicated to the past
I will never be fine
But in this moment
I am

These thoughts
Fill my mind
Like the words
To my favorite book
They slide across
My line of vision
Then bounce to life
And consume me

My drunken affair
Lying in bed, two days out of every week
Thinking, wondering
Living for the now
But worrying about the future
And being scared of the past
Feeling consumed, engulfed by the flame
That was once
A confusion
I find myself crying at the thought
Of life not being as authentic as it can be
The bridge that I once crossed has torn
Yet I find myself more accustomed to it
Than ever before
Like a hawk
I plunge down toward the earth
And gather up what I can
To survive

I'm sorry to disappoint you, darling,
I am not your Romeo.
I could shape and mold myself
In ways that would make you happy,
But I only look after myself.

It's a strange thing, being bit by a snake;
The venom is just too much to handle alone.
So it's no surprise that I shared the pain for
Four years to find that my soul-mate is nowhere near.

I see your hands shaking under your dark sweater
And all I want to do is share a warm embrace
With you

I feel like I'm waiting for a snow storm to pass
Just so I can crawl through to find someone
Like you

I walk on eggshells to keep you close to my heart
But I only see from the shadows of despair
For you

How did things change so quick?
I'm left at home
Without a call or a click
Of a button, how unfortunate
How have I loved this hard
Only to be abandoned
I'm left with no answers
Each night, you burn holes
Into a man who did nothing
But love and stand by you
Was there for you,
Willing to give you some space
Why do I have to suffer?
You don't deserve me, indeed
And maybe I deserve better

In the sounds between
Life and death
Lies a gentle creature
Named possibility

I am a lost cause
In the art of imperfections
Trying to find the right words
Is like an SOS out to sea
In two worlds, one has hope
And the other has truth
Cracks a half-smile and laughs
In my face
Shaking off the pressure,
I breathe in sequence
Appreciating every one I take
But it's true
I look at your face
And see nothing
My art form is expressionless
You need a man who looks at you
And paints you with his eyes
I'm not that man

I'm twisting my neck chaotically,
Trying to come to terms with myself.
My words are no less blank
As yesterday's were.
A fragile part of me is seeping out
And trying to tell me something,
But I don't know what.
I'm still ignoring important things,
Wondering if death really isn't
All that important to me anymore.
What I found to be a casual breeze,
A use of the head over the heart,
Is turning into a confusing mess.

They're here for me, but I don't see it.
They care--something I don't realize.
Keep it together, keep it together...
Leave for the better, you idiot.
If I use truth instead of bitter lies,
Will I feel better about myself?
Trial and error is nothing more than
A way for me to make the same mistakes
And not feel guilty about them.

Where's my instrumental?
My backing track?
Do I have steady rhythm
Or even a relevant melody?
Keep your tired eyes peeled;
You will hear your song eventually.

Why does love always hurt
When I confess my pain?

I wake you up
Out of your slumber
I hear the 8 become 9
I've always said that 24 hours
Is too short, and for us
It makes your company more of a necessity
Because there is no tomorrow
If I haven't had you yet, my drug, my fix
Babe, you don't know what it's like
To lay in bed and imagine your skin
Sending shivers up mine
We suffer on the weekdays
Then the weekend is here and I'm yours
You're my favorite
I don't want to hear it ever again
I'm not gonna give up on a boy
That is the light in my life
I'll run to you in the blink of an eye
That is the power of the love
That I have for you

The story begins with a light--
It reveals the biggest fear on this earth
And gives you a chance to experience it
In that time you know nothing but innocence
But you have love all around you
That stays with you and your tears
Until you're the one walking on two feet.

You learn how to offer your love back
And appreciate the good things in life
Hello, the world says,
It's nice to meet you
Everybody loves you for just living
And while you still don't understand why,
It makes you feel warmed.

But before you know it
The cold drags itself in
And the story goes on
To reveal the pain
Of the real world
And before you
Know it, you
Are in fear
Of living.

In this floating box of nothing
Sits a speck of shavings
From an overused eraser
That grows older than death

The cousin with all the power
Sitting across like a stranger
Is known as the pencil
Who never amounted to anything

As hard as they try
As long as they wait
As patient as they are
Their job always fails

But they aren't cautious
They are always aware
That the true failure
Is their subconscious master

What a curse it is
To love someone so much
That you write a poem about them
One day
Only to not be a thing
The day after

All of this time
And I never forgot
About you
You ******* *******