Three corners wrapped against
Weathered and pressure treated
Elevated antique communication
Faded paper starts to tear free
One corner in the breeze
So faintly my profile sun leached
Some ages and several squalls
That picture of me older even
I wonder if they came out
Lining up scanning earth, open ranges
Do they swim still, down murky
Are there secrets anonymously
Lost now, how do they feel
They gave up I am still not home
Inwardly they've mornef and moved
Life is to each our only found
Please before this wind takes me
Say a prayer for me, and look around
I was missed, taken, lost forgotten
Now just this page, is left of me

I want, what by rights I might never have been to have done without.
To enjoy the kiss of sunlight entwined within the caress of gentle summer winds.
To gaze in delight, as gazed upon by eyes so endearing nearly bursting are they with appreciation and fond wishes.
A life that is less unsure and exceedingly willing to do more, to open and confess through action the depths of commitment and devotion to such cause as doing good in other's lives.
Creating joy and smiling often.
Confessing love without expectation or disappointment.
For time with my reflection, eye to eye, knowing that we are alright.
Asking the one within to join in celebration
The very act of life, and embracing the time given.  
To know these emotions in relatable terms.
I would like to see my limits and find no disappointment in them.
To step up to my fears and embrace them as the fibers of the but one part of the whole that make me who I am.

I wish I could out these things into beautiful verses.

To share somehow just how deeply I feel I've locked myself away inside.  

To know love.  Return it and never feel so lonely as I seem to always be.  

I want to share myself with like minded souls.

To experience unconditional, and how wonderful this must be.  

To know how or where, this is done.

But here I sit, again.  Rambling

Ray of Light
For too long now,
these clouds...
Gray and deep,
like ink in water...
The landscape beneath,
barren, cold, forgotten...
Winds and rain,
lightning and thunder...
Just me, alone in this,
my way is guarded...
I'd given up,
no hope, no light...
Surrendered.
Then You came,
So bright, brilliant...
A single ray of light,
through those clouds...
You found Me,
In that light, peace...
And the ground,
hope taking root...
growing,...
that single ray exploding...
making a world I thought I knew,
New, intense and surprisingly wonderful.
A ray of light, And a world
I owe all to you.

This is the quiet of reality
felt and believed
Seconds bleed,
minutes are everything
Inside the dark plum color of silence
a steady hum of detachment
more thoughts, more questions
punctuate my willingness to believe
emphasize it as weakness
Me, I am not worth it
You see this and all I cannot
Parts are missing
and we, we will not work
All is quiet, reality does this
Reality Unwanted

Do you know why?

I am resting here, beneath

You can confess it dearest
In hushed whisper if you must...

Then be at last free to forget
As I will not
don't worry love

Forever and longer I will be keeper

As if written on Granite
polished, unmoving and lasting
Placed lovingly in its place...

Resting

Above yet under my watch

Where the lost are patiently aware
Of thoughts, and waiting
To be visited, thought of, remembered

Ready to catch and cherish those tears

Resting...
Why am I here?

Do you know why?

Resting.

Lower... And still lower yet.  
Be it a paradise, or to the deeps
This is my vessel.  And she will carry me
To the deeps or across to the welcome
To the bottom or to the harbor once more
The Captn stays with his charge
Even as the waters tear them apart.

Beautiful yet, those
Constructed misdirections
Barbed and sharp
Lacerations left behind
Belied the severity
The depth of which
Truth now sheds light
Yet to face weak denial

How am i
What thoughts bitter
Like bile at such
Loss of trust
Cost of those lies
As such I loved faithfully
To wound this fool
Your actions stain
And betrayal so careless

Makes the ending
A place of hate
Needlessly
As I am that price
We are that ending
I ask why?
Lies steal any closure
And I never heal.

To not be wanted
Well, then it should be simple
No need for awkwardly
Nor is there an inkling
Same with doubts,
No more pleading
Or pretending it didn't hurt
Clean finality in it I guess
Simple. Selfish.
Not being wanted.
But not what you want
So simple isn't real
It is brutal and honest

These dreams
attached
to that which
cannot be
feel so real
in settings that
are surreal.
Confusion sets the theme
an unending quest to obtain
The precious state
of being
of a need
to close that chapter
which I have been unable
to read for loss of a last page.
I always see the face that only looks away.
I weakly plead
to be regarded,
lowering my guard to demonstrate
my need, my willingness
to feel.  
Scenes like these change
and the choices hold
one consistent course. 
 In these dreams
I can barely speak above a whisper.
I become enraged, and try to scream,
so impotent
to feel so inconsequential.  
I often wake and lay still.
Struggling to recall details
just to be
once more unable
to do anything more than wonder.  
Will I ever change.  
When will my obsession
finally evaporate. 
How can I still cling
so desperate
an unobtainable thing
a heart that does not care. 
 To loathe my mind and despise
my heart for
the foolish act of loving
someone more
than could ever be real. 
 To sleep
and never dream.
If only, no more.

I once had the smallest hands
I reflect upon one afternoon
Leading to their earnest review
These beat up, sore and tired hands
How completely different are they
Fully grown as I am today
These ways of earning a living demand
Strength, precision, more than a hint
Talent and lessons apparent upon each
Scars, scabs and at times swelling
When the tougher days at last end

I used to have the smallest hands
Before my youth was traded
When my life became work
Survival from what I do with them.

Here again,
going through practiced motions
Then the weight,
of her words,
So strained,
I can feel how tired
She,  My Love must be...

How syllables placed,
Upon my weakest walls
so quick to believe
Knowing the danger
behind words
The ease
at which most lie
Unlike this world
I am genuine
But battle worn.
taking measures,
building my walls...  I...

Its best for both,
myself,
the rest,...  If...
I, hold on, to everything
it all goes wrong
So easily, and I am last to heal
So what am I doing here
Smiling
at just the thought of Her

It is the face; So Blank
Absent and bleached ; So much so
prestinely, divided, neat.

I could use such order
As my pen howls

Her name; Ruin
rolls against this...
innocent page.

All its way; not mine. Hers
Just to remind or,
admit, I am in pain.

A pleasant feeling, almost like pride
but less, not a lot less,
just enough
that it is what it is
genuine and unexpected
my surprise
here where I've posted
my words?... Those times,...
I longed,.. I hurt,..
I listened to My inner most...
finding my mind in written form
in portions and pieces,
exposed and analyzed
emotions and reasons
written in desperation
the worst of the lows
loneliness behind most my posts
Self medication
through words, rhymes
Untrained and imperfect,
sometimes dr. suess'ish
thought of, drawn out, organized and submitted
to the purpose
of getting to know myself
bit by bit, line by line
in fragments
and avalanches
of brutal honesty
To lie, to oneself
is daily practice
encouraged by what we see,
listen to, and all the things we wish
we could buy, to fill the void
is to fail, to ruin
lies in the lines
i made real
the intimate, too personal,
my vital moments
times that I see myself
behind older eyes
a child that was good once,
I was special
just like so many others
I still hurt,
just like so many on this site
So many minds, so alike, so close
feeling alone,
with out each other
so we wonder, we think,
we write,
so they might
esteem like light
eases the dark
moods, beliefs,  
easing the hostility felt inside
I am, sometimes capable
of exceptional things
talented... I can create...
I log on here, and I read,
and I see others
so many minds, so alike,
without each other
they write, and they read
and I am trending?
my heart and hurt,
my highs and lows
the entire search of my life,
my reasons...
worthy of their time!...
and I am encouraged.

There is solace
The torn away
Beneath the paged
Never read moments
Yes. in this, memory
reason accumulates
The end of hate in me
Pouring over the faith
Misplaced in you.

There is time between
Each of our arrivals
It was I to go first
Then there was time
When you joined in
Strangers growing up
To meet one day
Each much wiser,
Mature and less terrified.
Looking at you it is clear
Parts Still Uncharted
I can show you
Guide you into all about you
A soft touch here,
A kiss, and nibble of your ear
and confessions of my wants
Trust, tested nervously
We lay down, and you watch
My eyes looking up,
loving unlike anything you've known'
the caress of my tongue,
How wet it can get,
As your body shakes,
And I show you new sensations
More than once,
and I whisper how good it feels
making this intimacy
this seduction draw out
The little squeals I hear
I want you so intensely
A thirst that you create
My lips, my mouth, my tongue
all of my senses focused
On, and In, and against you
Uncharted waves of yes, and wow
I Show You.