I don't read poetry anymore. It's not that the writer's aren't good.

Or that I've lost interest.

I don't read poetry because everyone seems to be either in love
(and I'm not)
or everyone is heartbroken
(and I don't want to be reminded)

Or perhaps I just don't believe they can relate to me anymore. (Yeah, don't consider the possibility you can't relate to them anymore)

Who else had given seven years of their love to their best friend and it remain unrequited?

Who else finally managed to fall in love with a different girl only to have her taken from you?
(You blame her family, but she probably just hated you for ******* her life up)

Or for your last ditch effort at love, she ends up cutting contact for no reason, only for you to find out months later she was pregnant?

That's the one that finished me.

Unrequited love turned to a *** addiction that destroyed so many people.
(I was so selfish)

Don't say it doesn't have a price because I can take you to the grave of a girl who killed herself because I couldn't reciprocate that she fell for me.
(It's been two years and i still blame myself. i'm so sorry)

So the *** turned to alcohol and I wanted to feel numb. Just make me numb to it all.

I want to love someone who isn't married. Who doesn't already have a boyfriend. Who won't give up on me.
(I've long since given up on myself)

But I'm just a time bomb in their lives. An inferno that leaves permanent wounds.

Maybe that's why my best friend never fell for me.

I don't want me either.

I promised to quit counting the days
Yet you've filled my mind this morning

I just wanted to say I'm sorry
I hurt you and never meant to
Your life got thrown into chaos
I never accepted responsibility
For the part I played in it

You meant a lot to me
I hope you cared about me too
Please don't hate me
But if you do, I do too
I can bear it

You'll never read this, Taylor
or the other ones I've written for you
but
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
This wasn't how it was supposed to go

In some ways I feel alright
But always I feel broken
It's not something that rides beneath the surface
It's something on the dark side of my heart
I'm too scared to touch my scars
So I bind my doors with them
& willingly blind myself to love
never to drink of that wine again

Time was not the healer
I was promised it would be
just a threadbare bandage

I still love you
hate that I hate you
hate that I love you

Locked away feelings
it's better this way
to have no heart

Love was not a waste
just a taste though
was a price too high

Mind
incoherence but no amnesia
just let me forget it all

Broken body
inflamed and twisted
given to too many anyways

Heart is dead
died fighting the good fight
lost the war

Do I have peace?
At least the lesser half
Yes

Poetry is always the epicenter of my expressions,
My soul's sole extension
The way I give subvention
To my tension
To give confession to my transgression
But my pen is now empty
The bottle tempts me
I pour my drink to fill
Only to find the emptiness of the glass
Matches the emptiness of the heart
The emptiness of the pen
My mind as blank as paper
My thoughts fleeting as vapor
All I can think is how I miss her
How I miss her voice that's been gone so long
How I miss the care she would give to me
How I regret that I would forget
Just how much she meant to me
& now I lament what should have prevented
Halving my heart and her heart
Never to be together because I blew it
I blew it
& I can't stop writing about you, my friend
but there are only so many words
They cannot transform this pain
They only perform for others to read
& that will not make me whole again...
So here's to the good years poetry has brought me
Here's to the good memories of you and I
I say goodbye to what once was
Because it just hurts to write
I only long to be numb

I'll always regret losing you
I'll never get to say I'm sorry
The pain you gave
Does not compare
To the pain I allowed
Hating you
I hurt you
Robbed the memories of us
Twisted everything around
I'm sorry for that
I've learned to cope
To accept
To take things one
D̶a̶y̶
Drink
At a time