carefully, i said
don't think this is weird
but i hate everything
about it
i'm absolutely addicted
but they taste like him.
with sad eyes she said
no hunny,
they do not taste like him
he tastes like them
and it opened my eyes
completely

-eat
-drink
-sleep
-try not to think

the only thing i'm following to tomorrow is the involuntary beat of my heart

i want to take away your pain
but then you won't be you anymore
because every part of you
even the bad parts
is all that i love about you

there's so many beautiful things in the world
works of art in fact
yet with all of that stuff out there
i think i'd just rather look at you

i have a good feeling that if you put two pieces of paper in front of me and asked me to list negatives and positives about myself, not only would the negatives list be longer than the positives, i'd need more than one piece of paper

i feel like most days i'm just watching my life play out like a tv show or video game i used to like as a kid, but something about it just isn't that great anymore

Many of you know I've only ever had one man living in my house
Not my father, but my brother
Even considering, we've always been okay on our own
Until last summer rolled around
When the weather was hot my brother made a phone call
The conversation started with "hey dad"
"Dad" is not my blood though
To me "dad" is just Ben
Two short months later, Ben drove 3 hours and rolled up in our driveway
My driveway
My brother waved goodbye and then he was gone
Gone for over a week
I missed him so much
My mom, my aunt, my grandma
Everyone was asking me the same question
"Are you okay with this?"
Every single time I would smile
Smile and breathe and say, "Yes, I'm fine. I'm happy for him."
Truthfully I wanted to be okay with it
I wanted to be okay with it so badly because of how much I love my brother
But how could I be when he's getting the thing we've both wanted for so long
I know I sound selfish but I'm only telling the truth

honey if you don't love yourself, who the hell will?

it used to be
the nights i couldn't remember
were the nights i couldn't forget
but you have changed that
because while i was trying to drown myself
and cover the problems in my head
they were still underneath
i had no hope
until you came along
i was lost
until you found me
and now with you
i'm slowly
finding myself