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I can't write...

I have the urge...

this strange feeling

clawing it's way out of my chest

but still...

I can't put it out in words



I stare at the blank page on my computer screen

the cursor blinking impatiently

I type my first sentence... "I can't write..."
The world
is still the
same old
factory,
ruled by
the
same old
idiots.

Who only care
about making it big
and taking
baths with all your money
hairy-***
gross-***
****-***
Naked.

  
They only want
to continue
bringing us all
down under the weather,
under their oppression.
Suppression.
Cause the only reason
why their ******* our **** up.
Is
cause they're ****** up &lemon-juice;
bitter
toward everyone
that has
a
sugar-sweet smile.  
A few years ago,
I asked myself
the question,
why
are people
so miserable, hateful
spiteful and everything else
that's not delightful?
I write letters to God and burn them;
the smoke is my prayer.
Each day brings salty cheeks
and a recurring headache,
the circular path of pain
that storms in my head.
Lightning strikes my nerves
and thunder shakes my shell.
The two are cackling twins
guiding me on the path to Hell.
I've led myself here, and they know it.
Fire and smoke are my hope,
burning scrawl is merely history,
and wounds are only moments
that will cease to be.
Sorry, I'm not here right now.

My head is clear in the clouds
Rethinking how I hear all the sounds
Letting the beat pound, pound me down into the ground
6 feet under.
Sand turning to diamonds from the heat of my soul.
Buried in addiction, hopefully my seeds will grow.

All this pain can I use it?
Man **** this life, lets make some music.
today I could
rest underneath my
grandfather's tree
for hours and hours and hours
but we no longer live there
& he no longer lives

I no longer enjoy the taste
of caramel coffee
& you're no longer afraid to
tell me how you feel
which frightens me
I daydreamed you up in my
kitchen
as I made the gross coffee
they were out of mocha
you offered to wash my dishes
'cause that's the gentleman you are
but then I remembered myself
& my stack of filthy plates

do you feel this sad
when you come back to reality?

I could sleep forever
just sleep
'cause all my dreaming
takes place
when my eyes are open

& I understand that you'll never
stand in my kitchen
though you're still alive
& not the one
sleeping in the ashes
we buried beneath the tree
The throbbing headache and nausea
I can endure; I've had worse.
Right now I could cry,
such a raw hope consumed me
as I thought about you, desperate.
It was still dark for me then,
when I needed you. Now it's day.
It brings a true smirk to my face
to know you are nothing more
than a night of binge drinking:
a foolish part of my youth,
a consequence of boredom.
I could not hold your liquor,
I vomited all that bile you said to me
in the hedges outside. Don't fret,
this is not a bad memory, in fact
you might never be a memory at all.
I am well. I will drink better and
far more dangerous poisons.
I am today, you are only last night.
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