I walk and I think
I sit and I drink
And wonder
What is it like to be happy
I wore my heart on my sleeve
I hid deep away inside
Yet each time it was wrenched
By people
By circumstance
And by me
For inside I feel empty
Though I know my capacity for heart
Though I know my capacity for life
I may not always win
But I seem to have forgotten the feeling
But I’m not sure I always lose
Because I see all around me
And know unhappiness is fleeting
But if so
Then why do I still feel so hollow
So alone, in a world where
There is so much apparent happiness
It seems
Just around the corner

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

The darkness opens our souls. When there is no clearity left in our eyes and when we can't see with our eyes anymore. That's the time we start seeing things with our mind. That's the time we can set our emotions free.