do u ever
want to tell
someone
how proud u are
of their happiness

isn't that weird?

Kyle,

       I should’ve seen it in the moments of awkward silence, I should have seen it in the short gaps between him and you. I wish I had ended this soon, and that I never wasted my time. You were the final straw that broke my back. Time and time again, I heard the same **** and even though I was no where near in love with you, it hurt me that you did it too. I should’ve seen it in the meaningless drunk ***, and your immaturity. I should’ve seen it when I was so drunk I could barely walk, and I begged you to take me to the bathroom to ***** for the first time ever, and you just kissed me and kept going. I should have known, and I’m so mad at myself for even involving myself with another. I can’t believe I let you think I loved you, because looking back I never felt a ******* thing for you. To me you were nothing but a good time and a distraction.  I rarely say this, but you really were a mistake. The wrong exit on my highway of life, and now I have to find my way back onto the freeway and fly down, way away from you. To you, I was a first, and a sobering reality of the train wreck you are. But guess you’re just gonna throw another one back and forget about me too.

Sincerely,
    Your loss

You never loved me.
The way that I did you.
Don't blame it on the space
its all on you
I never asked for this
I saw the lies in your head
I let those worries wash away
in those deep blue eyes
I'm glad I stayed, I'm glad you left
4 hours gives me space to breathe
I hope you grew from it
I sure as hell did
A year sure does change a lot
sometimes it still hurts
that you never loved me
we both used each other
to feel whole
looking back I can see
what everyone said about us
that wasn't love, it was lust

subway doors, on the road
i am finally on my own
speeding through the tunnels,
in the flicker, i see your eyes
doors open, i step outside
i catch your hungry gaze
long for love, on the rocks
our glasses clink as we kiss
hazy suns, rainy days
as i watch you fade away
self destruct, over us
serve it cold, Cabernet

warming sun, spring day
how did i know you were the one?
city lights, night drive
windows down, my heart to play
bright lights, time to play
drinking margs before the club
one wrong move, something changed
melted ice, broken glass
one small change, anxiety
i can read you like a book
sun sets, dog days
as i watch you fade away

number 3, number 6
swipe to fill the nights away
flowers bloom, and then they die
please don't pick the next one too
summer grey, 3:00 am
can't wash away your hands on me
I can't escape reality
broken clocks, start anew

subway doors, winter blue
oh so many "i love you"'s
red sunrise, set me on fire
city lights and purple hues

It's kind of
crazy how
one moment i'm strong alone
and how u crept in

u made ur way in
and from the moment
we first met in person
i knew

im too scared to say
u are my one
when deep down i know
its the truth

its not a feeling of firey passion
its not a relationship of need and want
but of genuine, dare i say
love

i see ur ugly,
and call u beautiful
u see me flaws,
and tell me i'm perfect

sometimes i find myself
crying
from pure happiness
that we found each other

what if
all those
months ago
in the summer sweat
i had surrendered
and ended it all
and never became
who i am today.
what if
i never sparked
the hope
the joy
the love
in the lives
friends, family
and instead
dumped my misery on them
as a final, grandiose "*******"
complete with black lipstick.
what if
i had never met my one
and felt his warm embrace
at the top of the concrete mountain
with his hand around me
as the wind whipped through our hair
what if
my family had to hear the news
that the black sheep
faded into oblivion
what if ...